Bernie Bernbaum, The Shmatte Kid profile picture

Bernie Bernbaum, The Shmatte Kid

dermaphorologist

About Me

when i say i'm in love, you better believe i'm in love, L-U-V. i enjoy long romantic walks off of short piers and feasting on bums that live in the park. I, like most people who know anything about the current political/global climate, am scared shitless for our future. it weighs very heavy on my mind, that's all. i can currently be found hunched over my olde thyme typewriter spilling my guts into my first novel (or novella depending on the overall length) which has nothing to do with global warming or overseas oil intrests, but everything to do with drug abuse, schizophrenia, mental patients, murder-most-foul, god, ghosts, and my own inspiring concepts of heaven, hell, and limbo. thank you.

My Interests

I'd like to meet:

thom yorke, jonny greenwood, henry darger, michelle gondry, jim carrey, george romero, amy hempel, trent reznor, moby, peter jackson, the late hunter thompson, i'd like to slap frank oz for making "the stepford wives", don delillo, james m. cane, cormac mccarthy, craig clevenger (again), and chuck palahniuk (again.)

Music:

(alphebetically) well there's aphex twin, the arcade fire, the beatles, beck, billie holiday, bjork, the blue man group, blur, the breeders, bright eyes, cake, cat power, christopher o' riley, the cranberries, the cure, danny elfman, david bowie, david byrne, deltron 3030 (aka del the funky homosapien), devendra banhart, DEVO, the doors, the dresden dolls, elliot smith, erik satie, the fiery furnaces, the flaming lips, the fugees, garbage (version 2.0 and earlier), gary numan. godspeed you black emperor, iggy pop & the stooges, john lennon, jon brion, joy division, lou reed, ludwig van beethoven, moby, muse, nina simone, nine inch nails, nirvana, oasis, oingo boingo, ol' dirty bastard (rip), on a friday, outkast, peaches, petra hayden, pink floyd, the pixies, placebo, portishead, the prodigy, queen, r.e.m., of course there's radiohead
, the ramones, the red hot chili peppers, sifl & olly, sigur ros, siouxsie & the banshees, seu jorge, the slits, smashing pumpkins, talking heads, a tribe called quest, the unbelievable truth, the velvet underground, the verve, the white stripes, the who, wolfgang amadeus mozart, and wolf parade.well that's pretty much it.

Movies:

first and foremost: eternal sunshine of the spotless mind,
then every coen brothers movie except for maybe the hudsucker proxy (but even that one i kind of liked),
the life aquatic, the royal tennennbaums, i *heart* huckabees, dogville, dancer in the dark, requiem for a dream, night of the living dead, dawn of the dead (both versions), day of the dead, land of the dead, shaun of the dead, dead alive, 28 days later, eraserhead,
mulholland drive, blue velvet, elephant man, being john malcovitch, human nature, confessions of a dangerous mind, adaptation, about a boy, down with love, one hour photo, the shining, punchdrunk love, boogie nights, a scanner darkly,
amelie, a very long engagement, alice in wonderland, all of the good pixar movies, chicken run, wallace & gromit: curse of the warerabbit, the nightmare before christmas, the corpse bride, vincent, batman returns, batman forever, batman begins, edward scissorhands, ed wood, sleepy hollow, popeye the movie, strictly ballroom, romeo & juliet, moulin rouge, zoolander, bad santa, napoleon dynamite, american splendor, silence of the lambs, hannibal, red dragon, forrest gump, harrold and maude, fear and loathing in las vegas, 12 monkeys, lost in translation, city of god, the constant gardner, broken flowers, thumsucker, the squid and the whale, the wedding singer, ever after, the count of montecristo, the back to the future trillogy, fight club, american psycho, sin city, king kong, the lord of the rings trillogy, the great dictator, limelight, city lights, modern times, harrold and maude, the dreamers, minority report, A.I., logan's run, donnie darko, the good girl, willy wonka and the chocolate factory, who framed rodger rabbit, the hulk, crumb, star wars episodes III through VI, pirates of the carribean, collateral, the doors, the warriors, and coachella: the documentary .and last but close to first in a way, is brick, the best god damned detective movie ever!pfiew.

Television:

arrested development, house, the office, the simpsons, futurama, king of the hill, pete & pete, rocco's modern life, late night with connan o' brian, chapelle's show, ren & stimpy, sifl & olly, snl, and uhh... oh, i guess that's it.

Books:


(the contortionists handbook) and (dermaphoria) by: craig clevenger.
(Fight Club), (Surviver), (Choke), (Diary), (Rant),(Lullaby), (Invisible Monsters), and (Haunted), in that order, by: Chuck Palahniuk (White Noise (no, not the movie)) by: Don Delillo
(THE POSTMAN ALWAYS RINGS TWICE) by James M. Cain(child of god) and (No Country for Old Men) and (The Road)by Cormac McCarthy(reasons to live) and (the dog of the marriage) by Amy Hempel.

Heroes:

artie: strongest man... in the world, lionel (from dead alive), the hulk, henry darger, nick park, Thom Yorke, beck, chuck palahniuk, Craig Clevenger, James M. Cain, jack torrence, john connor, ren hoek, stimpson j. cat, trent reznor, amy hempel, greased-up-deaf-guy, joel barish, michelle gondry, charlie kaufman, willy wonka (gene wilder), the narrator from fight club, frodo, david byrne, jack black, jack white, hunter s. thompson, logan 5, marv (from sin city), loyd christmas, nightcrawler, edward scissorhands, nick hornby, victor mancini, tender branson, misty wilmot, peter wilmot, Don Delillo, Jonny Greenwood, eric satie, jack skellington, ghandi, his holyness the dali llama, steve zissou, luke skywalker, chewbacca, han solo, and of course, those two gay robots from star wars.

My Blog

"The Genovese Effect." Writing Assignment: Week IV

Man, this one almost killed me. But it was worth it. So criteria was pretty much standard---contrasting details, no dialogue tags, same stuff as before. We weren't really given an objective, but we we...
Posted by Bernie Bernbaum, The Shmatte Kid on Sat, 17 May 2008 02:42:00 PST

A break from proper writing. (The Movie List)

I just thought I'd get my top five movie list down for once. Even if there are more than five movies in it. 1. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. The Big Lebowski. Blood Simple. 2. Mille...
Posted by Bernie Bernbaum, The Shmatte Kid on Tue, 13 May 2008 01:56:00 PST

Writing Assignment: Week III

Here were the requirements for the assignment: 1. Two characters, one setting. 2. Approx. 1500 words long. 3. Sensate descriptions based on opposing details.  4. Status fluctuations via dialogue....
Posted by Bernie Bernbaum, The Shmatte Kid on Tue, 22 Apr 2008 01:14:00 PST

WRITING EXERCISE NUMBER 2: THE SEQUEL!!

Ok, so this is my second assignment for my writing class. The lecture behind this one was all about the conversational shifts in status that occur between characters in a scene. It's k...
Posted by Bernie Bernbaum, The Shmatte Kid on Tue, 15 Apr 2008 09:27:00 PST

Writing Exercise

If anybody’s ever interrested, here’s a writing exercise I did for this writing class that I’m taking. The idea was to convey a long, contiguous description. Describe someone and fol...
Posted by Bernie Bernbaum, The Shmatte Kid on Mon, 07 Apr 2008 11:57:00 PST

Best. Thing. Ever. Everybody needs to see this. EVERYBODY!!

LISTEN UP, 'CAUSE THIS SITUATION JUST GOT REALER!! everybody needs to see this, so if you know anybody who hasn't seen this, then show it to them. now you can watch the whole thing if you want to...
Posted by Bernie Bernbaum, The Shmatte Kid on Thu, 26 Jul 2007 07:40:00 PST

young folks

.hov:hover{background-color:yellow}Music Video:http://videzonn.com/videos/p/peter_bjorn_and_john/youn g_folks.html" target='_blank'>YOUNG FOLKS  (by Peter Bjorn And John) ...
Posted by Bernie Bernbaum, The Shmatte Kid on Sun, 28 Jan 2007 10:54:00 PST

ok people, we are live in 5... 4... 3... ... ...

our show is in two days and i think i speak for all of us when i say that we are buzzing with electrical interference. ok, look, here's the skinny. so this band, CARTOUNE right, they're gonna be play...
Posted by Bernie Bernbaum, The Shmatte Kid on Fri, 22 Sep 2006 03:58:00 PST

PAY ATTENTION! THIS PART'S IMPORTANT!!

helo. time is ticking. we (the phrase "we" is referring to our band "cartoune", not me suggesting that i have multiple sets of consciousnesses) have a show THIS saturday night in burbank. yes, there i...
Posted by Bernie Bernbaum, The Shmatte Kid on Wed, 23 Aug 2006 02:48:00 PST