Master Of None

I like waking up almost every morning knowing I did nothing I regret the night before. My ears perk up whenever I hear a diesel engine. I can pick up a Hammond organ and lift it into a van without any help. My train of thought jumps the track whenever I see a woman walk by. I like playin Quizzo at The Whip with my yam bags. I like cruisin' in old Benzes. I have owned twelve antique farm tractors, I currently have four. My grandmother has rapidly progressing dementia and always gives me money, and I put it back in her purse when she isn't looking. My grandfather just got his knee replaced (86 years old) and could still kick your ass up around your ears. I have partnership in a corporation that picks up used vegetable oil from restaurants. I have an alcoholic dog, she's a very demanding drunk. Sometimes I feel like using my red guitar as a weapon, other times I feel like using it to destroy a hotel room, but most times I feel like sleeping with it and do on occasion fall asleep with her in my arms. I say "cat", "far out", and "talkin' about god knows what" all the time. I like sitting in the big green La-Z-Boy in my studio and listening to Miles Davis' "Kind Of Blue" over and over all night. My right leg is smaller than my left due to multiple club foot surgeries as an infant, and Paul just pointed out to me recently that my awkward walk is more of a strut than a limp. I pine for sailors at sea. I haven't gotten my hair cut since January 2007, and its getting ridiculous. No, I will not make out with you! Sometimes I will go to Waywood and buy a 30 pack of Miller High Life and finish it in two days. One time I hung out with Jimmy Smith and talked about Clint Eastwood movies and shiny belt buckles. Did I mention I really like women? I like eating cubes of extra sharp cheddar cheese with Crystal brand hot sauce on them. I am never too busy to take on another project, even if I'm too busy. I wear western style clothes and cowboy boots but I don't dig horses. Don't touch the radio in my car while I'm driving or I'll break your goddamned fingers. I don't know how I lived the first 32 years of my life without my iPhone. I'm never leaving Embreeville, PA. This is only the tip of the iceberg. Get to know me.