Jeffrey - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I was recently jumped by two guys. One of them hit me in the face with a brick. I pushed him down the stairs into the subway. I screamed, "what the fuck" and whirled on the other guy. He looked at me and took off. I was really hammered. I looked down the stairs and there at the bottom of the stairs was the guy who hit me with a brick. He was all in a heap like some broken down boxes from a restaurant. Heaped. I took off because I thought I killed him. Don't take the G train from LIC late at night. -excerpt from "The Embarrassingly Boring Life of Jeffrey N. Proctor" On bookshleves this spring

My Interests

kickin' it, complaining, broin' down, going to the brodeo, learning the bropes and conduciting myself in a completely brofessional manner. Also having friends who are fast runners and have long arms. Like Brendan O'Leary

I'd like to meet:

Heartbreakers and Elisha Cuthbert. She seems like a heartbreaker and also I think she might be the kind of buddy who will meet you for one drink and then stay out with you all night drinking and call into work the next day.

Movies:

whatever big budget action movie is out at the time.

Television:

Sports.

Books:

Buk, Hemingway, Steinbeck and anything else you want to send my way. I read alot.

Heroes:

doodz and brahzzzzz

My Blog

I eat all my meals alone

There is one irrefutable truth in this life. Tyrus Boldman is a motherfucker. I woke from another night of hard drinking. Alone. Drank alone, woke up alone, worked alone, jerked off...
Posted by Jeffrey on Tue, 13 Nov 2007 01:26:00 PST

And introducing, Butch Fury

"I guess we just rent it, right?" I bellowed out to three girls walking on the opposite side of the street. I pulled down my fly and pulled out my woefully regular dick and pissed right th...
Posted by Jeffrey on Sun, 02 Sep 2007 10:57:00 PST

Fuzzball lays it down for Burt.

"Burt, they just want you to come to work everyday and punch a clock while watching your hair fall out and your face collect more wrinkles." Fuzzball was pretty drunk and Burt wasn't really payin...
Posted by Jeffrey on Tue, 28 Aug 2007 01:44:00 PST

A restless gut

I woke at 4:45am. Wide awake. Wild eyed and staring at the white ceiling of my room. After swilling irish whiskey the night before my head felt tight and my mouth tasted awful. ...
Posted by Jeffrey on Thu, 09 Aug 2007 04:18:00 PST

Cause Micah told me to

70 Quirks about me:1. What are your initials?B.U.T.C.H. N.A.S.T.Y.2. What is your favorite thing to wear?hangovers3. Last thing you ate?Mc Muffin from mcdonalds...fatmen specail4. how tall are you?tal...
Posted by Jeffrey on Mon, 16 Apr 2007 10:04:00 PST

One Million cans of beer

While Burt lounged in the gutter a stray cat came up and pressed is face into Burt's cheek. "Hey there little kitty, come to kick me while I'm down eh?" Then in a voice similar to Samuel L. Jac...
Posted by Jeffrey on Thu, 12 Apr 2007 07:30:00 PST

Don't get drunk and post shit(mad typos like I give a fuck)

"I guess this is me saying goodnight", Burt screamed as he puked in the intersection. "Fuck" he barked out in between streams of beer puke. As usual Burt drank his volume in whisky and cha...
Posted by Jeffrey on Sun, 01 Apr 2007 12:02:00 PST

Oh yeah?

I fell face first into some trash on the street. With two wobbly legs that seemed determined not to bend I managed to stand up and fall into a wall. Luckily the wall was close enough for m...
Posted by Jeffrey on Thu, 22 Mar 2007 01:10:00 PST

A down in the dumps look at the fringe element

Burt woke up and and started coughing till he almost puked. He grabbed one of the beer cans next to his bed and gave it a little shake. Heh, still a swallow left. "A little Bud ...
Posted by Jeffrey on Tue, 20 Mar 2007 11:25:00 PST

i got cocked, not with a dick

right when you think things are terrible, Jesus comes down with an 18 pack and tells you to drink the whole thing. Then he says, "Guess what kid, sorry to tell you this but...." See y...
Posted by Jeffrey on Wed, 28 Feb 2007 12:02:00 PST