Books:
New Ways To Give The Finger
Posted 2 days ago..
The
Douchebag Society has released their much-anticipated Elaborate New
Ways To Give Someone The Finger List for '07. Let's take a look!
The Snake Charmer Make a fist with your left hand and hold it, knuckles out, in front of
your chest. Grab your Punji flute in your right hand and begin to
play traditional Indian snake charming music. Rock the Punji side
to side as you play. (Fig 1a) Slowly raise the middle finger of your left hand, also rocking side to side, until it is fully extended. (Fig 1b) Buuuurrrrrn!
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The Bad Reception Make a fist with your right hand and hold it to your right ear. Act as if you are in the midst of a phone call. (Fig 2a)Then pretend as if you have run into an area of weak signal strength
and the quality of your phone call is suffering. Perhaps saying,
“What? What? I can’t hear you,†will help illustrate your
dilemma. Next, say, “Hold on, let me put antenna up.†With
your left hand, grab the tip of the middle finger on your right hand
and raise it to its full extension. (Fig 2b)
Finally, with your middle finger still extended, say to your enemy, “He
wants to talk to you†and hand over your "phone." The best part is,
there's nobody on the "phone," it's just your middle finger in his
retarded face! Count It!
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The Usual Suspects Make a fist with your hand and hold it about a foot in front of your
face. Raise your pinky, look at if for a second, shake your head
and say, “No, no that’s not the guy.†(Fig. 3a) Next, raise your ring finger and repeat the previous steps. (Fig.3b) Do the same for your middle finger. (Fig 3c) Next, raise your index finger and exclaim, (Fig. 3d)
“WAIT, go back to that last guy.†Lower your index finger and
raise your middle finger again. Say, “I missed it the first time
around but that's him. That’s the guy. I’d recognize that
Fuck You anywhere.†(Fig. 3e) BOO YA!
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The Curl Lower both your arms to the side of your body and extend your middle
fingers. Slowly, and with a lot of feigned effort, raise both
arms as if curling a barbell. (Fig 4a)
For added effect shout out some ‘pump me up’ phrases such as, “GET
JACKED!,†“That’s it, that’s it, you’re almost there!,†and “HETERO FOR
LIFE!†You Showed Him!
The Malfunctioning Wolverine
Assume a bellicose posture, as if about to engage in fisticuffs with a
super-being. Say something macho from the greater Wolverine
vernacular. “It’s payback time, bub,†would be a good
choice. (Fig 5a) At
this point, bend your arms and then quickly extend them as if you are
causing your adamantium claws to shoot forth from your hands.Also at this point, extend your middle fingers. Say, “Oh no, only
two of my claws are working!†and hold up your extended middle fingers
to your enemy’s face. (Fig 5b) BOOM Shakalaka!
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The Divorce Extend the index and middle fingers of your right hand and spread them apart. (Fig 6a)Make index say, “I love you.†Middle should reply with, “I love
you, let’s get married.†At this point bring your two fingers
together so that they are snuggly fitted against each other. (Fig 6b)
Say, “Awwww, how nice.†But there's trouble in paradise...Slowly
separate them as you ad lib a fight between them until they have
returned to their starting positions. (Fig 6c)
Finally, make index say, “I’m leaving you, Middle. I’m leaving
you and I’m never coming back!†Lower your index finger, leaving
your middle finger extended alone. (Fig 6d) Say, “Fuck you,†as if calling after index. Then look into the eyes of your victim and say, “No, fuck YOU!†PWN3D!
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