Sociopathic behavior...and why the dark side comes out in some people and not others...watching people interact at the mall, walking my dog, laughing at life and what is presented to me each day to deal with, watching myself age and so grateful my heart & spirit remain young - I can still be amazed and in awe of the most common things. Reflecting upon the concept of "love" - I find myself laughing at the insanity of how most people perceive what "being in love", what "love" is all about when in relationship to another - most people haven't a clue. I ponder "men" and "women" and the way we're wired...
I fear I am destined to either be alone or someone's "mistress", I'm convinced of this now... Working towards becoming more focused, self-aware, stopping myself before reacting, & praying I become more spiritually disciplined. I don't flip out so easily when my reality is based in my spirituality. My life is filled with grace and I'm very blessed...it is when I lose myself that I am at peace...
Being real, compassionate, & maintaining a sense of integrity - giving to others from my heart...learning, hearing the stories of others, watching life...
Watching my son shape and mold, grow - tracking how his mind constantly expands, his observations about life at a young age;...
Question my interactions with men and how they deal with me and I with them - a constant source of amazement to me how I fall for a man who is all wrong for me and pass up those who could only be good for me - yet the intensity of passion is too addictive to me and I lose all sense of judgment when I encounter a male with a beautiful mind - a man that has his own agenda while cloaked and immersed in society appearing perfectly at ease like most everyone else - i guess a man best described as a non-conformist - he knows, wants, desires passion while still being able to be balanced....my downfall probably. no, my downfall most certainly...
I'd like to meet:
la-il-la-ha-il-la-la; a man with attitude; a man with vision; people who live life with passion; revolutionaries and people who love peace; a friend; a man who can corner me; jubby in heaven; sean penn; philip glass; visionaries; inventors; thinkers; losers; winners; the love of my life......
Music:
Keith Jarret, Art Pepper, John Coltrane, "Live At Pep's", Willie Colon, Fania All-Stars,Brian Eno, Daniel Lanois, This Mortal Coil, Dead Can Dance, Cocteau Twins, American Music Club, Mark Eitzel, Hans Zimmer, Bird York, Lisa Gerard, FutureSync, Samuel Barber's "Adagio For Strings", Phillip Glass, Erik Satie, Steve Reich, Leonard Cohen, Puccini's "Madam Butterfly", Puccini, Hildegaard, Russian Sacred Music, Surahs from The Koran... Billie Holliday, John Adams, Ryuchi Sakamoto, Tori Amos, "Einstein On The Beach", Baba Maal, Peter Gabriel, Ornette Coleman, Johnny Hartman, Oscar Peterson, Chet Atkins "My Funny Valentine", New Orleans Preservation Jazz Band, Dixie Hummingbirds, Eminem "Lose Yourself", Scissor Sisters and "VictoriaLand"...Mortal Coil "It Will End In Tears", Cocteau Twins "Lullabies to Violaine", Donny Hathaway's "The Ghetto", Marvin Gaye's "What's Goin' On", Crash Soundtrack and "Les Touts des Matins", American Music Club's "Asleep"; Robin Guthrie, Outkasts "Libertad"...and a new memory to add to my collection of songs that represent another life experience I'll always rememberand wish to forget: "Barbara: L'aigle noir"
Movies:
"The Last Samurai"; "Maria Full of Grace"' "Osama"; "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest"; "The Godfather", "Baraka"; "Monster"; "Shark Tales"; "American Beauty"; "Death of A Salesman"; "The Exorcist"; "Rob Roy"; "SlingBlade"; "Thin Red Line"; "The Shawshank Redemption"; "The Silence of the Lambs"; Twilight Samurai, Cream Master, Daas Boot, Hero, Henry The Serial Killer, Usual Suspects; A Very Long Engagement; Latcho Drom; The Assasination of Richard Nixon; "The Piano" ; "The Illusionist", CRASH; "ChinaTown"; "GoodBye and Goodnight"; Notes On A Scandal; Platoon; Whatever Happened To Baby Jane, The Jesus Camp. I Am Sam, Swept Away, Mad Hot Ballroom, Between Heaven & Hell, Downfall, American Beauty, Raging Bull
Television:
CNN News, Law & Order, The Shield, Sponge Bob, Cheaters, Elimidate, Blind Date, .... so fascinating to watch people destroy each other on national television..oh yes, my newest find that I am absolutely fascinated by is "Singing Bee" especially when the back-up female vocalists are wearing the bumblebee outfits and buzz around the winner...that's a hard one to top.
Books:
"An American Tragedy"; "Anna Karenina"; "American Psycho"; "The Corrections"; "We Were The Mulvaneys"; "White Oleander"; "Inside The Third Reich"; "The Church of Dead Girls"; "Down These Mean Streets"; "The Bell Jar"; "Random Family"; "Johnny Got His Gun"; "The Madness of a Seduced Woman"; anything by Andrew Vachs and Patricia Highsmith; "The Fountain Head; "Mystic River"; "Mariette In Ecstasy"; "In Cold Blood"; "The Executioner's Song"; "Les Miserables"; "Sister Carrie"; "The Jungle"; "The Watergate Hearings"; "9/11 Commission Report"; "The Diving Bell & The Butterfly"; "A Season In Hell"; "Bastard Out Of Carolina"; "Angela's Ashes"; "An Unquiet Mind"; "The Idiot"; Memoirs of a Geisha; White Teeth; anything by Rilke; The Act of Will; Bukowski's "Erections and Ejaculations"; Of Human Bondage; Naked Lunch; The Human Stain
Heroes:
Christopher Melendez/Jubby; his homies and all his people who showed up at his funeral and candlelight vigil, my son,Tony Serra,Malcolm X, Vietnam vets, Rimbaud, Oliver Stone, Hans Zimmer, children, believers, those who are making a difference in this world
