Hello! My name is Arnaldo Cunha and I is a celebrity and artist of varieties in my country - Portugal. In 2008 I win big contest - Big Brother - and people all like me and give me a lot of money, so, now I is very famous.
I was born in Avintes, that is very proximate to Rio Douro, where peoples make Port Wine. Port wine is great accompaniment for our local bread which is Broa de Avintes, which is made in oven covered with cow shit. It is this secret that gives Broa de Avintes its unique aroma, and is very good with Presunto and Azeitonas which grow in trees from Alentejo. Azeitonas means Olives and Presunto is pig leg smoked, like ham of parma, or, Prosciutto like peoples say in Italy. Presunto not grow in trees, and the best is from fine region of Baiao, in Monchique, where we have famous football club - Baio de Monchique, where Portugal famous goal keeper born - Azeitona Pode - which in English, or, language of bifes like we says - mean Olive Can.
In Portugal, football is more sacred than religion, and we have best team on the world - Benfica, who not win for a long time, and now our country have a big crisis, because our government budget in last years go to buy new players for Benfica and for SIS (Secret Services) for find an explanation why Benfica no win. SIS are best secret services in the world, and they belong to our minister of information, Pinto Balsemao, who has also TV station SIC, so they find a refree with Gold Whistle that make favours to other teams to win Benfica.
To us this was great news because when Benfica not win, it is insult to our religion.
In Portugal we have a minority of Jews, Catholics, Christians and Moors, but the most important religion is Benfiquismo, which believe the world was created by an Eagle. Our pope is called Eusebio, and he no longer play, but his "mistica" like we say, is very important to Benfica and our National Team. Unfortunately, neither Benfica or our National team win, but that is because of a bad man called Mr Pinto da Costa, who have magic powers and created an enemy team called FC Porto, which always win championship, and humilhiate Benfica, in last years.
On 25 April, the day I was born, we make special holiday to celebrate the date of our favourite politician - Salazar -, and we also pray to eagle to make bad for Mr Pinto da Costa, which is not a real name, it is vodoo code and means little chicken of the back.
But not all is a disgrace in our country. We have great beaches, and every summer we make big barbeque in forest, and all people drink and eat, and see rancho, which is our national ballet. At night, we drink more, and watch Pimba shows. Pimba is our national hip hop music, but with funny lyrics, and our most famous artist is Quim Barreiros, who have famous hit, which in English goes; Little Mary Let Me Go To The Kitchen To Smell Your Cod.
Sometimes some people drink too much and die in barbeque fire, we call them "Bombeiros", and we make funeral and sing Fado - which is our national music for funerals. Fado means - in Portuguese - Destiny, and we all believe we are going to die. In Portugal, Fado singers are more important than Doctors and Cientists because everyone in Portugal likes to call themselves Doctors, and this is false because Fado singers are the people who spend many more years studying, to learn how to sing out of tune.
But disgraces to one side, we are happy people and we have great sense of humour; our favourite pass times is Bull Fighting and sometimes, when we is bored, we let bulls run free, and the one who provokes the bull most, gets hit, and survives, is the hero. We also like sports and have national competitions like Sueca (which is Cards), Domino and Malha, which consist of throwing objects...
I am proud of my country and our Prime-Minster look like George Clooney, cool!
Now he is going to ban tatoos and piercings, which is great news because in Portugal we have big crisis with Drugs, and there are many "Drogados" (i.e. drugs people), and we not want our children to look like them.
Unfortunately, we have many problems with these people, and thousands of people die every day in car acidents, because the "Drogados" make hole in the streets, and, sometimes they make the drivers drink too much, so it is a disgrace because they die and kill others innocent peoples - what a disgrace! Also, our economy suffer because they no pay tax, they steal banks and shops, and then we have a cash flow problem, and cannot pay our football players, who are people too...
Because of no money, our entertainment and culture panorama also suffer bad. Artists like me have to find jobs making TV programmes, write articles for newspapers, and sometimes make acting in theatre. Also, our TV stations have no money to make shows, so, the solution our government find was to invite friends that like to make acting, but are not truly actores - just for entertainment you know... The sad news is we see the same people on TV for the last 25 years since the fall of our regime, when they kill our favourite politician Salazar. This is a shame, because we have people with talent in our country, but they have to work in bakery for stabilise the economic situation in Portugal. For us it is all about priorities!
Another sad fact is we only have one Movies director in Portugal, but he is now very old. We are concerned about the Culture situation of our country, but Government gave great solution, so it invest in cientific research to find fountain of youth and eternal life for Mr. Manuel de Oliveira, so he can live forever, like Michael Jackson, and continue to make movies, because it is our cultural heritage we are talking about.
But, our culture panorama is not deserted as you might think. We have this crazy lady called Simone de Oliveira who think she is a singer, and that make us all laugh - she is so funny. Because we are nice people, we not like to see her sad, because we have to many fado singers already, so, we decide to ask to Mr Manuel de Oliveira to make a movie with actores, so it make believe like she had a career as singer for 50 years...
But not all is a sea of roses in Portugal, 33 years ago comunists kill our favourite president Antonio de Salazar, so, now we have made a pact like Budhists in Tibet, but this to find the rencarnation of Antonio de Salazar, so he become our Dalai Lama, like law in Tibet. In many ways we are like Tibet - we are poor, we do not believe in work, and we have been invaded by Spain, but the difference is, Spain hasn’t declared Portugal is Part of Spannish map, yet! But we are not stupid, so, we do not sale our best players to Spain, and we do not go to Spain, or, buy Spanish products...
We are proud people and we protect our territory - that is why tourists always promise to not come back. Assholes - we hate them and when they come, we kick them out, but we aren’t idiots, so we first try steal their money...
Oh well, it is great life in my country - I Love Portugal, and thank you for reading my Blogs, and, please please - visit Portugal and bring a lot of money please, because we want to welcome you the Portuguese fashion. As we say - Benvindo!
Benfiquista - Sunday Mass
This Is Rancho - National Ballet Of Portugal
This Is Fado - Must Be Heard In Silence For To Respect the Dead
This Is My Hero Quim Barreiros
This Big Hit By Quim Barreiros
This Is A Traitor Called Saul, Wanting To Steal The Music Of My Hero Quim Barreiros
The Best Comedy Of The World - Nos Os Ricos
This is Malha - Our Favourite Sport
This Is Crazy Lady Simone De Oliveira
This Is Funny Comedy, Like "Allo Allo". It Is Called "Vila Faia"
This Is Mr Pinto da Costa, Show His New Dragonmobile in Satanic Party At Stadium Of The Dragon in Porto
Benfica Song
Myspace Layouts at Pimp-My-Profile.com / Grapefruit