kumquats, rutabagas, and hussies |
The same day I realized unicorns weren't real was the same day I discovered how to masturbate. Kind of bittersweet, huh?
Posted by on Thu, 19 Apr 2007 20:31:00 GMT |
actually, I was valedictorian of my karate lessons class. |
No, I invented the living room, ASSHOLE!!And its time I started getting the respect, money, fame, lovelies, and heatstroke I deserve for doing such a service to mammal-kind.While I'm at it here's a sh...
Posted by on Wed, 24 Jan 2007 09:58:00 GMT |
Fascinating grandaughter, but can she stimulate the economy with her skills of hobo husbandry? |
"Wait! Sir, your gay. Please don't leave your gay on the bus." pleaded the driver."Oh thanks, I can't be forgetting that. You're real sweet. I mean your reel sweat. Silly me, I always confuse my ...
Posted by on Sat, 16 Dec 2006 09:35:00 GMT |
gubba leads to kinetic matrimony. |
uhh, biil... I've been meaning to tell you this, but just because you have a tumor too doesn't mean you can play polish xylophone anthems. It's simply an irrevecobale path to incest.
Posted by on Thu, 14 Dec 2006 22:27:00 GMT |
chinstrap lap attack. |
If eating prunes was like giving high fives I'd probably have a lot less socially awkward bowel movements.also:applesauc-ages.
Posted by on Wed, 13 Dec 2006 10:39:00 GMT |
the bbbboys are back in gowns |
paralysis is a precarious thing to get oneself mixed up in.one could say it's like being inducted into the infirmary hall of fame.gradually you become more and more complacent and it just so happens t...
Posted by on Tue, 12 Dec 2006 20:53:00 GMT |
Chips and Dip = Doritos and Skoal |
Things that are similar:Touching a dog in the "no-no"andFilling a babies chest cavity with drugs to smuggle across the U.S./Mexico border.Fanfare.
Posted by on Fri, 17 Mar 2006 18:27:00 GMT |
What's your favorite sandpaper grit? |
Today:
A little dutch boy and I will be doing lines of baking soda out of the asscracks of descendants of German-Irish immigrants. This will be immediately proceeded by a vigorous round of paddy-...
Posted by on Wed, 01 Mar 2006 09:09:00 GMT |
Potpourri is for gregarious leisurely postal workers. |
Dear Allister,This is an open letter to inform you that you are indeed a nymphomaniac. Unfortunately it was that run-in you had with plumbing that pushed you over the line I think. And I just thought...
Posted by on Tue, 21 Feb 2006 17:45:00 GMT |
Fickle family men flipping forceps fifty times while reading the Fifth Amendment and fertilize |
Originally Estelle thought the plaque on her incisors was an indelible imprint of her many years as a vagrant taste-tester, but upon entering the vehichle she discovered that it was three days past Yo...
Posted by on Sun, 19 Feb 2006 11:24:00 GMT |
