Lets Pee Our Pants

Hi boys and girls, due to increasing demands of people demanding a little information about me, I will post a little information about me in the about me section. I'll just post the synopsis of my autobiography coming to a bookstore near you in the summer. Hi boys and girls (I love to repeat myself), my name is Brandon, Brandon Brewer. I was born into the human race as a clueless baby--I literally did not know a single thing. In fact, I don't remember anything from my first years, so I just assume I was in some sort of coma. As soon as I woke up from my vigorous coma, I began to self-educate myself. Like every great drama, I learned some good things and I learned some bad things. And I learned some things in-between. And I learned some things that are so flippin' crazy that I don't even know where they fall on the scale of flippin' ridiculous things you can learn. I taught myself how to play an exquisite instrument called the guitar and eventually formed my own hit solo Nu Metal band named GarbageBAGhead. I toured the planet sixty-five times, playing my music across the globe. I visited places such as Tango Mango, China and Alficomadala, Mexico. Don't worry if you haven’t heard of those places--they are supernatural fabricated places where only few have been. But on my multi-trips around the world I absorbed all the knowledge feasible (I can now speak seven different languages fluently). I self-indulged on many of the world’s mysterious. On my wondrous adventures I basically discovered a cure for AIDS in Africa and I did cure the common cold in Antarctica. Even though my death pop/heavy metal music was super inspirational, I eventually decided to quit GarbageBAGhead and continue to touch the heart and souls of billions around the world in a different way. I believed I could make a more substantial impact touching people personally rather mentally/musically. On my great voyage, I touched one person to sexually though. His name was John. I honestly didn't mean to…I'm not gay or anything, he basically took it the wrong way. I eventually went on trial--it was the fifth most prevailing trial in America's History of the most prevailing trials in American's History. I hired a sexy female lawyer with a sexy naughty phone operator voice, named Michelle. This proved to be a lofty mistake at the time. During the trial, the sexual bond was just too great to overcome (it was a mysterious instinctive occurrence of lust instincts) and we embarked on those lust instincts. Unfortunate for me I only hired one lawyer. The trial and deliberation only lasted thirty two minutes due to my lawyer being inattentive. I spent the next nine years in a maximum security prison where I eventually was released on probation (all thanks to my motivating music and my influential status from around the world. Sure my oversized wallet and fame helped to). The day I got out, I wedded Michelle--the sexy female lawyer with the sexy naughty phone operator voice (the sexual bond was still going strong even after nine years). I began to attend college--Wayne State University—where I received a full scholarship due to my lifetime achievements and super smart skills. While attending my freshman year at WSU, I was discovered by a large corporate modeling agency. I quickly became a heart-throb supermodel, appearing in such publications as Nickelodeon Magazine and Playgirl (and everything in-between). In the same year--'my up and coming year'--I was nominated by Cosmo Girl as the Top 25 "Not So Ugly People”. Once I acquired the taste of fame, like I had before my incarceration, I decided to write a book. I wrote a delightful narrative about touching people souls (in a nonsexual way of course) called "How to Touch the Souls of People You Don't Know and Want to Know Without Them Knowing That You Know" (I know, it’s an chessy original title, but it sells). The book was a New York Time's number one best seller for nineteen weeks (damn Harry Potter halted the streak). That leads me to today. Like I mentioned before I am currently writing an autobiography. I believe it’s fitting, as I am the most influential personage possibly to ever lived, especially among the elderly and some toddlers (the smart ones at least) and everyone in-between. I am still with the sexy female lawyer with the sexy naughty operator voice. I also became a General Coordinator of Merchandise Placement for a lucrative corporate grocer (aka a part-time Stockboy for Farmer Jack, but a very Scrumptious Stockboy). Also, I’m part of a research team in attempts to find a superconductor that is practical for every day life. And that’s pretty much the summit of the saga or the legend behind the legend. I gave you just enough to tickle your tickle spot. What will I do tomorrow? Maybe play with a kola bear? Probably not. Who knows. That's why I have a myspace account--to inform all of you eager people and become super flippin cool. I can give you a hint, there's just no stopping me. So Enjoy and Tell Your Friends.