Richard

Richard Thomas Short spent his childhood in a backwater town in the North of England. He was thrown out of the prestigious St Oswald's Institute for Exquisite Boys for holding hands with a travelling gypsy's daughter. He decided not to continue with his formal education, educating himself in Greek, Latin, the occult, crochet and Classical History. At the age of 18 he joined a band of mercenary soldiers headed for North Africa. He got as far as Malta, where he met Esther Sant Fournier, a noblewoman, who he fell in love with. They lived in idle bliss until Esther's father, Count Sant Fournier, caught Richard holding hands with a recently relocated Albanian's daughter. After fleeing the subsequent duel naked on the back of a donkey, Richard departed the island on a whaling ship bound for Norway. One day, while living in the Norweigan wilds, Richard went out hunting squirrels and became lost in the woods. Emerging from the woods after fifty days of walking Richard found himself in Newcastle Upon Tyne. Too exhausted to carry on, he set up home in a hut made of human hair on the outskirts of Wallsend park; where he lives on a diet of newts, voles and chocolate Frijj.