Ooblioob profile picture

Ooblioob

If you can't sum it up with a clever analogy then it's not worth explaining. I mean, it would be lik

About Me

As a small child I was hailed as the “miracle child” for slapping the doctor back after he slapped me. But once I got older though I realized that schoolyard tricks wouldn’t be enough to satisfy my audience. So I spent the next few years in the circus, cleaning animal turds and checking barrels to make sure clowns didn’t die in them. My big break came late in my third year. The ringmaster was mauled by a tiger after teasing it with his index finger. I was the only person who could fit into his blood soaked uniform (since he was a midget) and was quickly rushed out on stage to the cheers of thousands of screaming children, most of which were celebrating their birthdays. I didn’t know what I was doing. It was a disaster. Three trapeze artists were killed during a midair collision, and the human cannonball was accidentally fired into the crowd, where he injured several screaming children. Chased by a crowd of freaks and angry parents, me and my trusted elephant Stompy made our way through the country, having adventures too numerous to elaborate on here. During my travels, I learned how to play the harmonica, and became a folk music legend. Many regarded me as the father, mother, son, and estranged uncle of all modern genres of music. I like to think perhaps I dabbled in a few. But I digress.

I returned home to find my father dead, his mouth stuffed full of junkmail and bills to the point of choking. I knew then that I must avenge my father’s death and kill the local postman. Taking several classes in the art of killing, I trained myself to be merciless and cunning, and dreamt every night of exacting my revenge…and creamy yogurt. When the time came I sprung out at the postman, only to find that the postman was in fact a post-woman. I fell in love with her immediately, the way she held that bag, and the pride she took in her minimum wage job made me feel all warm inside. We spent a year in Prague together, each bound to the other by true passion, and thick leather on the weekends. I taught English to schoolchildren to make ends meet, and she delivered the mail and killed people. One day she fell off the side of a cliff. The schoolchildren were the first to find her and came running to tell me what had happened. But their English was so terrible I couldn’t understand them. God I wish I had taught them useful things instead of how to swear.

I returned home to the US a free man. While I was gone the FBI raided my house, burned all my records and stepped on my flowers. Upon arrival, they clubbed me with a blunt object and gave me amnesia. To this day, I do not have any records of these events, save this account, but I am hoping that the face book will help me to recall what happened, and I can begin picking up the pieces of my life.

My Interests

I'd like to meet:

I think it'd be pretty sweet to meet a person made entirely out of candy.

Books:

How to Swallow Staples by Fred Swingline

Basic Muffler Repair for Cars by Ford Motor Co.

Java - If you think this book is about coffee you need to punch yourself in the face by Dexter Dweeblings

My Blog

Another Awesome Video!

#1 Cure for Bad Moods Download this video!I'm just trying to make the world a happier place with random videos.  Andrea, only because you asked me so nicely...And Mary, please cheer up at work!De...
Posted by Ooblioob on Tue, 30 May 2006 09:25:00 PST

Away Messages

Just for those of you who wonder why I haven't been around for the last few weeks, here's why.  Her name is Laura, and she's really cute.  She enjoys long walks on the beach, candlelight din...
Posted by Ooblioob on Mon, 29 May 2006 06:18:00 PST

Another Odd Story

I was taking a shower the other day when something rather peculiar happened.  A penny fell out of my ass.  No, why would I make something like that up, a penny just feel off my buttcrack in ...
Posted by Ooblioob on Wed, 24 May 2006 07:41:00 PST

Cinco De Mayo

Ah, it's Friday but this Friday feels special.  Maybe it's concidence, but I think we're celebrating some kind of holiday today.  Oh that's right, it's Cinco De Mayo, the annual Mexican cel...
Posted by Ooblioob on Fri, 05 May 2006 03:33:00 PST

Why firefox is better

If you haven't seen Jeff Gill's "Whee!", then you're really missing out. Guarenteed to make you smile! I've probably watched this thing 20 times now and it's still funny. Click here to watch the movie...
Posted by Ooblioob on Sun, 30 Apr 2006 02:21:00 PST

Ideas for my 21st Birthday

In the last weeks, I've watched almost all of my friends turn 21.  Typically, it's custom to go out to a bar with your friends and exercise your now legal right to order shots for everyone at t...
Posted by Ooblioob on Sun, 30 Apr 2006 09:52:00 PST

Recent Absence from Blogging

Have you ever written something down and thought it was the funniest thing ever, only to wake up in the morning and not even get a smile out of it? The last few weeks have been full of great ideas, b...
Posted by Ooblioob on Sun, 30 Apr 2006 07:06:00 PST

Roomies are the best

I know most of you went home for Easter, and let me just get this out of the way with. Screw you guys! I can't go home for Easter because it would cost too much and it wouldn't be worth it. Fortunatel...
Posted by Ooblioob on Mon, 17 Apr 2006 05:21:00 PST

1000 supercomputers produce complete works of Shakespeare

Columbus, OH - Researchers at the Ohio State University excitedly announced today that 1000 supercomputers chained together managed to produce the complete works of Shakespeare in only 2.54 secon...
Posted by Ooblioob on Tue, 04 Apr 2006 08:37:00 PST

I'm so depressed

You know when you're so desperate to find a girl that you wake up in the middle of the night humping your own pillow?  Man, it sucks.  Nothing seems to be going right in the last couple of...
Posted by Ooblioob on Sat, 01 Apr 2006 08:56:00 PST