G A B U

Love, I suppose. That intrinsic need to find similarity tucked into someone else, the need to recognize shards of yourself woven into other personalities, collecting pieces until you've assembled a rough sketch of yourself through the gathering of comparable souls.
-Laura Aguire

If i turn into another, dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me. Sing this song, remind me that we'll always have eachother... when everything else is gone.

Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas', the worst Birthday's, New Years Eve's brought in by tears and valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back. Oh god, just the sight of him! Heart pounding! Throat thickening! Absolutely can't swallow! All the usual symptoms.

I understand feeling as small and insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didnt know you had inside you. And it dosent matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for a breif moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade...