Tyler - ProfilesArchive

About Me

In my spare time, I train for deep sea diving in an Olympic-sized swimming pool. I tame mountain lions, and tackle crocodiles. I tightrope for the circus, and race speedboats on national television. Not only do I catch swordfish, but I tag great white sharks as well. I bowl three hundreds every time. My record for running a mile is 34.00 seconds, and that was after I'd discovered a new island inhabited by headhunters. I invented the wireless headset for cell phones, but never took credit. I type 120 words per minute, and think faster than a supercomputer. I discovered 2 planets, 5 comets, and 9 new star systems (3 with the my naked eye). I write the lyrics for Micheal Jackson, and give Steven Spielberg all his ideas. I read "Websters New Complete Dictionary" in a day, and still had time to cook an 8 course meal for the Kings and Queens of Spain, Portugal, and England, after which I was knighted. I served on the jury that convicted Martha Stewart. I can shoot a tin can from 150 yards away - with a potato gun. =========================================================== I'm going to be a rock star. I'm going to give people music that lets them know there's still hope.

My Interests

I edited my profile with your Mom! !

I'd like to meet:

You. And you.Actually, I'd like to meet anyone with a brain and preferably with a special predilection for piano, music in general. Music. Not shit. There's a difference. Music = Storytelling, melody, and rhythm (Jack White's theory). Not beat. Not beat and a little bit of melody. Not melody with some beat and storytelling thrown in afterwards, in the freaky "artistic interpretation" given by "artists" or fans in the interviews. Storytelling, melody, and beat. All three. Like it? Good. We've got something in common. Actually, we've got something in common with Jack White, but him aside, I like you already.

Music:

Can't stand Punk, Rap, or anything made after 1992 (Use Your Illusion I from Guns 'n Roses was the last album that I'll listen to). Exceptions include The Dresden Dolls (and amazing Amanda Palmer), The White Stripes, and... myself... I suppose...

Movies:

All kinds. Except stupid.

Television:

House, M.D.The end. That's all I watch.

Books:

The Master and Margarita. By far, the greatest novel ever written. Wonderfully crafted by Mikhail Bulgakov, the novel wasn't *fully* released until after the collapse of the Soviet Union because it depicted the atrocities of the system in a rather satirical way. Woland, the devil, is very much a sociopath, and with his retinue of misfits he quietly rampages through Moscow in the 30s. By the way, the song Sympathy for the Devil from the Rolling Stones was written with this book in mind. Excellent book, excellent song. Check them both out; they're definitely worth a peek.

My Blog

I promise to remember.

Something profound happened to me today. Something that will remain in my consciousness for the rest of my time here in this existence. Something that demonstrated the sheer fragility of life, and in ...
Posted by Tyler on Tue, 15 Aug 2006 12:21:00 PST

Whine and Complain. Go on. I dare you.

Alright, so, your life isn't perfect. So fucking what? I've had it with everyone crying and whining over stupid little bullshit things that don't matter. You're ALIVE, aren't you? If you weren't, ...
Posted by Tyler on Tue, 11 Jul 2006 11:20:00 PST

Humphrey McSnuffles

Once upon a time, there lived a squirrel. Now, this was no ordinary squirrel. This squirrel was the anti-christ. His name was Humphrey McSnuffles, but his enemies referred to him simply as 'Hump...
Posted by Tyler on Tue, 30 May 2006 11:27:00 PST

Devil in Despair

"There is nothing sillier in this world, I say, than being a devil in despair." A quote from Mephistopheles, of the epic poem Faust, from Goethe. Mephistopheles was a demon who had just bought a soul...
Posted by Tyler on Sat, 11 Mar 2006 10:55:00 PST

What is 'love'?

What is love? A detestable, insipid emotion that exists for the sole purpose of causing you grief and suffering. It spawns only hatred and anxiety after everything goes to Hell. Really, all that...
Posted by Tyler on Sat, 11 Feb 2006 03:41:00 PST

Hot Cheetos

I have a theory that I would like to share with you. First, though, I must ask you a question. Have you ever eaten a hot cheeto? Not the regular kind, the hot kind. What do you think of them? You don'...
Posted by Tyler on Sun, 05 Feb 2006 10:09:00 PST

Acceptance...

Anyone ever had this feeling like no one around you can be truly trusted? Well, not necessarily everyone. But, in a sense, you feel utterly, completely alone? The heart of a human being is some...
Posted by Tyler on Sat, 04 Feb 2006 11:44:00 PST