Deni slightly less lost in fucking Hackney!!!

Yeah well if ur on me friends list u should know what im like cos uve spoken to me. To those i haven't met yet little bit crazy, little bit out there, little bit dippy! whole lot of fun! . Oh and in the orientation bit where it says not sure they didnt have a box for anyone i want whenever i want!. Honestly what year is it!???. I am a mass of riddles and contradictions A happy person in a sad body? a sad person in a happy body? or just a lost soul endlessly searching for a time and a place that never was and never will be except for inside her head?. The world has shown me the best there is to offer but also taken it all away, the world has shown me the worse there is to offer and both made me who i am today. I always try and find the good in people even if you have to dig really deep. I dont want to live in a world were your first assumption of someone is bad, who wants to live in a world filled with bad people?. If im proved wrong about a person then at least i know i met them with an open mind. I once met a beggar on the street who every fortnight gave his giro money to the starving in other countries and begged food for himself but his attitude was he had more, he would be provided for and you cant close your eyes to things in the world and wonder around with a clear conscience. I met a few monsters who gain pleasure through hurt and pain. Who could take someones life and rip it into tiny pieces, like a piece of paper chuck it into the air knowing that the bits will never quite fit together again again and if they do theres going to be scars all over them, that the wind blew some of them too far away to ever get back again and some never got picked up and were left to be trampled on by others who like them seem to have no conscience its all about them and their glory and gratification. So some things about me? well i was born in Cambridge but when i was around 12/13 we moved to the Orkney Islands. Very err interesting place. I have a love hate relationship with it. Seeing the northern lights, the most beautiful sunsets ever, living in a house were you opened the door and your garden was the sea, opting out of life for a while and living off the sea walking out with the tide and in with the tide as your working hours beats the 9 to 5 rat race any day of the week!. Seeing seals, dolphins, porpoises on a near daily basis is beautiful. Having to told a big stick above your head as you walk along the shore so the birds attack that and not your head isn't quite so! but like everything in life its all a question of balance. I love the sea. I miss the sea, it soothes and calms me and anything that can do that is pretty spectacular. I miss that. I don't miss the wind and rain! and the sometimes endless gray days. I don't miss that in the majority only one person needs to have an opinion on something and everyone like little sheep will follow and conform to that. Hating anything or anyone that is slightly different to them and well why let the truth get in the way of a good story?. Intolerance and im many cases plain ignorance is rife there but when i think of "home" that's the place that comes closest but then a lot of the things i love most in the world are there. My Dion and Paige who i may never see again but it will never lesson how much i love them, my niece and nephew. My baby sister who no longer evens acknowledges the fact that i exist. Both of us losing out and paying for things that were not our fault but that's the way it is. If i could change it i would but some things cant be undone. Kristyn, beautiful, beautiful Kristyn. My best friend. A person that if you know her you are truly truly blessed. She is too wonderful for words to explain and shes been with me through so much good and so much bad. Many of my best and worse memories involve her somewhere but she was there and if it wasn't for her then i wouldn't be here now. I owe her everything, i owe her my life and i owe her for showing me how it feels to have someone standby you through thick and thin. Even when your at your most self destructive. Her disapproval cuts like a knife but her disapproval comes from love. She is the kindest soul Ive ever known and i really am blessed to have her in my life. Anything that i can do for her i do and always will but it will never balance everything she has given me. Through the hand that life has dealt me Ive moved about a lot Cambridge, Orkney, Cambridge again, Aberdeen, Cumbernauld, Edinburgh and now London. I think im on my 45th move now and want to lay down some roots now. I moved here in Sept 2006 and i love it!. I want London to be my home, i want a home in London. I don't want to keep move move moving. If i could have one thing and its the one thing im aiming for most its a home where i actually bother to unpack cos i know i ain't just going to be putting it all bk in suitcases 6 months later. Currently im exploring what i want to do with the rest of my life work wise which i think is gonna be kinda fun, get to try lots of different things out, have a lot of different and diverse experiences. I was a carer for adults with learning difficulty's and challenging behaviour but due to some questionable lifestyle decisions its not something i can do anymore. I loved it and i think if you get up in the morning and go to a job that you love then your very very lucky so i hope that i find something else to have passion for. Just try everything and hopefully you get to the place your meant t be. I want to learn to play the drums, i want to take acting classes, i want to write a book. I want to try so much more too and i don't really mind if im terrible at it all!. If you never try then you may as well be terrible at everything cos you know no different. So what else of "Deni?. I love music, reading, talking and debating. I love chocolate croissants, my PC, clothes and TV. I collect boxes(no not cardboard ones! pretty ones) and every night i sleep with a little pink elephant who is called duntsey. I live off coffee, i smoke way too much, i do stupid highly questionable things, i don't agree with war, i don't agree with fighting but sometimes you have to speak to people in a language which they understand, i grew up with no rules so i cannot handle anyone who becomes an "authority figure" over me, im not that fond of the police. They have there place in society but half the time they should just mind there own bloody business!, i cant relax in a room unless the TV is on and the door is closed, im either skint or minted, i hate the winter months i just want to hibernate and i come to life in summer when i want to be in the sun all the time, i keep a million secrets and have told a thousand lies, i only own black socks so i can always find a pair, sometimes i can be a horrible little bitch. But im me, im Deni. You either love me or hate me, what you see isn't always what you get but that's the way it is. I'm me and i can cope with that. Pimp-My-Profile

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