About Me
Live set from the wreck room in brooklyn!!! 7/17/08
evil robot ted live at the wreck room (brooklyn) from Acid Marshmallow II on Vimeo .
A fun bio written for Evil Robot Ted by a fine little english gentleman
Evil Robot Ted. Like a giant syphilitic sore on your girlfriend's pussy, like being told you've won the lottery, but all the money has been dumped into the bottom of a pit full of excrement and the shredded remains of everyone you ever loved; Evil Robot Ted, like being fucked by Vanilla Ice, and then being charged for doing so, Evil Robot Ted ladies and gentlemen, the greatest thing you're likely to hear from a French Guido with a love for internet blogging.
To describe ERT (brrrap!) you first have to understand where he came from; a young boy growing up in the rough and ready ghettos of New Jersey, John, or as he liked to be called, Big Pappa Lazaru, always dreamed of being a boxer, or at the very least a professional wrestler. Unfortunately for BPL, he was contracted with a rare disease known as Stuffallyacockinmaanus which rendered him homosexual from the waste down. The disease did not hinder poor BPL though, as he turned his sights to less loftier futures, first trying an acting career which began and ended as a stand in for Dulph Lundgren during one scene of The Punisher. He then set his heart on becoming an Olympic skier, but sucked harder than his mum did to keep bread on the table. The world seemed desolate and bleak to little Lazaru, he had no place in the world; and all the bigger stronger boys mocked his parachute pants and tight vest tops. It was a dreadful time to be Lazaru.
But one day, one fateful summer day, as Lazaru frolicked with the other boys in a local pool, fate's cruel and crusty penis entered Lazaru's life, and gave him a good shafting. As young Lazaru swam, and tugged and pulled the other young boys about, Amen Andrews happened by, and kicked ten shades of shit out of him, with the world's greatest breakbeat. This moment affected Lazaru deeply, so much so that after the operations to replace all his skin, he vowed that he too would become a great musician, so he could pick on small children in swimming pools.
BUT! Fate once more cracked his mighty knuckles and set to fisting our poor young Lazaru, giving him all the musical talent of a myopic squid being slowly masticated by a swarm of retarded blind ants. This however was only a minor set-back as Lazaru had the most triumphant (yeah you fucks, I went there) idea of creating a web-label therefor justifying his filthy noisy mother hating nonsense. Lazaru also invented myspace, emo kids and b3wbs.
BOW TO HIM!
Evil Robot Ted sounds like Darth Vader having a bath with Obi Wan taking a piss into the toilet next to him. It's like seeing your mum's first porno tape, and realizing just how hot your mum is. Evil Robot Ted is all about being up in yo' ass, and you're all about letting him be up there.
AIM - Brokecore John
PUT THIS ON YOUR PAGE!!
