I like roads without speedlimits, and excellent music. I am interested in world-domination and a raspberry tart. I want an underground lair and a castle, on a thundercloud that I can steer. I am interested in weird animals and places that don't get rained on as much as this one. I like mountains and beaches and deserts and forests. I like places where people don't go, and I like a couple of cities, but they generally anger me into 19 different flavors of soap lather. I am interested in travel and ass-whooping. I am interested in candy and gingerale. I am interested in wine and cheese. Call now to have your genitals removed via satellite. Full spectrum pubic-lighting available with speculum. I have dozens of invisible rabid guard dogs to protect me from YOU, so fuck off. I am interested in training cats to attack and giving them tiny invisibility cloaks. I am interested in the bizarre faces people make when they sneeze. I am interested in taking a giant-steamy dump on the white house, dousing it in gasoline and lighting it all on fire. I am interested in fastening unwilling people to my bumpers with heavy-duty velcro to protect me during parallel-parking. I am interested in driving into a blackhole, just to find out... I'm interested in another perspective. I'm interested in conversations where everything just clicks. I'm interested in palm trees and warm wind on beaches at night... I'm interested in other people's dreams.
THE SEXIEST MEN ALIVE:
seriously, i want them.
Someone who can breathe through their eyes and do an impeccable imitation of the Big Bang. Ha, but seriously, none of you silly clones. I'd like to build a spaceship out of your skeletons and then disappear into the vortex. I'd like to meet a 19 foot tall genetically-engineered to be all powerful and knowledgeable samurai ass-kicking master who wants to cook and clean for me, and knows how to fix everything, including but not limited to Audi's and Nissan's. I'd like this individual to be well-versed in everything, including weather updates, and a device to calm down other motherfuckers using a giant lazer. They need to be able to act as an intergalactic travelling unit for myself and my companions and provide entertainment, such as music, comedy, theatre, and a dvd/vcr combination with excessive pirating abilities. Wow. What a great idea. Yeah, that's who I'd like to meet. They need to be Monarch of the Universe and have a resort palace someplace phenomenal. They need to smell lightly of lavender with hints of vanilla, and have mind-reading abilities that I can access to determine and eliminate potential enemies. They need to speak every language ever and be able to teach me instantly. I'd like to meet Jesus, and let him know that the majority of his followers are soiling his name, then watch him come down and shoot lazers out of his eyes and breathe fire, all powerful and whatnot. I'd like to meet Buddha and beg him to slap me firmly across the mouth, just because it would be a rare moment, and I might learn something from it. I'd like to meet countless musicians and writers, and carry all of their intellectually-inclined sperm/ovum to term. I'd like to colonize mars with a handful of decent hardworking smart people with senses of humor and taste.
I'd like a bagel. Oh wait, this is WHO i'd like to meet. Uhhh, NASA, and I'd like to make a winning impression. I'd like to meet the president, and chew a hole straight through his head and cheney's chest cavity to prove their both full of wiring and motherboards, or at the very least, impressive quantities of formeldahyde and a batterypack. i'd like to meet the sandman, make sure he has my address written down correctly, or that hes not letting his metally-defunct kid brother be in charge. i'd like to meet charles darwin, and ask him if its natural for one person to want to assist the evolution process by eliminating a portion of the population. otherwise we're gonna just kill us all, right? most of us couldnt fend for ourselves without electricity and the conceptual designs of others, it's just scary, the dumbness thats surviving. it'll be all bad when the shit finally hits the fan. they'll be eating each other alive, defecating in their own water supply... id like to meet lord vader, invite him to move into the planet, add a hint of death star, and voila! Yeah, in short, i guess i'd like to make voldemort's acquaintance. ensure he had my back, and could hook me up with a proper wand and broom. i'd like to meet bill and ted, because "they're just like us, except they have external vaginas". I'd like to meet Johnny the Homicidal Maniac. I'd like to articulate my understanding for Nny, and my need to bear 75,000 of his offspring. I'd like to meet a polar bear named Bob who would let me dye him glow-in-the-dark purple and ride around on his back and operate the flame-thrower he had mounted on his head.
radiohead(thom yorke), nirvana(kurt cobain), the talking heads, tool, philip glass, dead kennedys(jello biafra), dead prez, the clash, tupac, outkast, van halen, jimi hendrix, tori amos, fiona apple, cormega, godspeed you black emperor, the pharcyde, common, interpol, chemical brothers, frank zappa, cat power, pixies, the who, kool keith/dr. octagon, sneaker pimps, pharcyde, joan jett, aliyah, pj harvey, led zeppelin, gotan project, pink floyd, heiroglyphics, placebo, smiff n wessun, prehistoric sounds, mystic, queen, the notwist, pavement, orgy, people under the stairs, extreme, mulatu astatke, garbage, portishead, the postal service, incubus, slint, jazz june, rage against the machine, third eye blind, mogwai, sleater-kinney, eminem, beck, alanis morisette, bob marley, de la soul, ani difranco, modest mouse, deftones, mobb deep, dezarie, midnite I grade, sublime, built to spill, squarepusher, x-ecutioners, le tigre, venetian snares, christina aguilera, hot hot heat, cake, massive attack, dj shadow, prodigy, soul coughing, primus, rancid, stray cats, weezer, ludacris, nine inch nails, wu-tang clan, mf doom, alice in chains, metallica, yo la tengo, journey, me first and the gimme gimmes, alicia keys, jurassic 5, yeah yeah yeahs, blondie, bjork, hole, early mariah carey, eisley, wolfgang amadeus mozart, janis joplin, maurice ravel, zz top, biggie, jane's addiction, ludwig van beethoven, early madonna, ludacris, jonny lang, white stripes, blackalicious, king crimson, ODB, mazzy star, presidents of the united states of america, masta killa, united dope front, thievery corporation...
bill hicks is the master of my loincloth, waking life, anything monty python, anniversary party, aquatic life with steve zissou, american beauty, so i married an axe murderer, amelie, happenstance, princess mononoke, 1968 romeo and juliet, wet hot american summer, dogma, princess bride, robin hood men in tights, spinal tap, fear & loathing, young frankenstein, the last unicorn, beavis and butthead, southpark, I Heart Huckabees. Lila Says, Amores Perros, Harry Potter, Eddie Izzard, all of maya deren's shorts.
IS COMPARABLE TO SATAN'S VAS DEFERENS
Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert are MY HEROES. I think that Chris Pontius, Steve-o and Johnny Knoxville are the sexiest men in the history of the universe and i would do anything to be their official blunt-roller and bottle opener. hooray for wildboyz and jackass. also sexy and brilliant are sealab 2021, wonder showzen, robot chicken, aqua teen hunger force, MXC, beavis and butthead, southpark, daria, weeds, six feet under, rome, boondocks. any documentaries.
bookworm;)
anything by kurt vonnegut / kilgore trout, douglas adams, or hunter s. thompson, sylvia plath, stephen king's dark tower series/bachman books. Ursula Hegi's "Stones From the River", and The Red Tent needs to be read by all females with any interest in religion and history. Books smell really good too. I'd like to smell like books, I think that'd be hot. Margaret Geoge's books are really, really good, and the Josephine Collection by Sandra Gulland was incredible. William Browning Spencer is amusing. Pirsig's Motorcycle Diaries need to be inserted roughly into everyone's face post haste. The Last Unicorn by Peter S. Beagle, and The Princess Bride by William Goldman... Isabel Allende is awesome- William Shakespeare and Charles Dickens would be marvelous lovers, always surprising you fo sho. Poe would be cool to hang out with, but you couldn't help but talk shit about his personal life. Joseph Heller gets ego-strokage for writing Catch-22. Scarlet Letter, Tess of the D'Urbervilles, Jane Eyre and Wuthering Heights all get included, but I can read them too often or I'll have to throw myself off something stormy and foreboding. David Sedaris would marry me if he liked girls, I know it. I'd bone him anyway, haha. anyway, toni morrison is brilliant. another book to movie that is underrated is Trainspotting, and if you haven't read Rule of the Bone, you should, or at least a couple things by Russell Banks. And I just finished Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister and HOLY SHIT, that man can WRITE. mirror mirror was great too. yeah, gregory maguire is tasty. books are nicer and more coherent than people.
Like, Greek heroes? I like badass ancient fuckers who speak dead languages and kick monster ass.
sleeping sickness
bubonic plague
syphillis
martian life