G Zeus profile picture

G Zeus

time to trim the hegemons...

About Me

An unusual aquatic farce detailling the history of Medieval 2-Handed sword fighting vs. the Classic Samurai fortold by the Prophet Enoch and the Angel Uriel in precocious Iambic Pentameter while bird watching for Rocs or Pterasaurs on this sex-forsaken island Earth. A secret tale of coffee and poorly formed dough, of jacks and spades, of owlbears and houkas, of regret and steak, morning dismal and distant, held at sword's point, stolen from vision, pealed off sweaty under the boot, hooked sensuously on giggles, helpless and hopeful, vengeful and distinctly justified in most of my acts of precise and accurate violence, loved like new smells, smarter than most, dumb as dirt, child and god, king and sacrifice, heir and bastard...

My Interests

caramel and choclate, Blastoderms, ethanol, Brazil, diapers, crop circles, your untimely demise, blindfolds, duct work, enriched cadmium, ontogeny recapitulating philogeny, plural marriage, making friends with drifters, diet pepsi, Chimay Grand Reserve, Christmas denied to children, heat stroke, public land, merle upgrades, shotguns, hedonism, Falco, quail hunting, scaling ladders, LELA-BEAN!!!!, the first impulse murder on reality television, kids screaming in joy or terror, birth, after-birth, that really great soup, PVC pipe, cologne, wrestling, raging elephants, quantum mechanics, lasers, can Lightsabers cut Superman?, fast, slow, totally still, Pouncing Jet Jaguar, the Murder in the Rue McClanahan Morgue, Golden Girls, Saddam Numspar, Buck Owners, shrimp skinny

I'd like to meet:

ghosts, aliens, sasquatch, a vampire, a mummy, a werewolf, dwarves, leprechauns, Atlanteans, a hollographic construct, angles, Baal, Baphomet, Yeonaugh, Rip Taylor, cullen imes mackyre, Slaughter Steelgrave, Devleen, David Cronenberg (strictly for the pleasure of beating him with a film roll) Mel Brooks, Jacques de Molay, Henry VIII, Vlad Teppes, Demogorgon, Tri-Star pictures stud fluffers and (still, for the millionth week in a row!) Maya Rudolph

Music:

Sonic Youth, Tori Amos, Tool, Guns n' Roses, OutKast, Eminem, Plastick Man, Led Zeppelin, Beethoven, Nirvana, ICP, Herb Gaylord, Ice Cube, Megadeth, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, Weezer, Radiohead, The Dead Milkmen & the Dead Kennedys, NOFX, Weird Al Yankovic, Paul Elliot, Pat Benatar, Ministry, NIN, Peter Gabriel, Midwest Product, Big Angry Fish, Knee Deep Shag, Mozart, Clutch, Monster Magnet, Juan Atkins, Pink Floyd, Johnny Cash, etc.

Movies:

Hollywood: please make every movie like the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Make a good story and don't worry about what is marketable. The market will seek good quality in the long run. How many copies of "rush hour II" did you sell? or what was the gate on "Tokyo Drift: F & F III?" not shit. Your current formula is for idiots. Indie movies are starting to outsell blockbusters on DVD sales. We want movies we can watch over an over. not crap that we walk out of of. Stop the stupidity. you have smart people working for you. Fucking goat ass.

Television:

After Cheers went off the air, I cried. Best sit-com ever, followed closely by Seinfeld, MASH, and Night Court. Now, I pretty much watch cartoons like Simpsons, Family Guy, South Park, AquaTeen Hunger Force, Sealab 2021, and the Venture Bros. Or news shows like 20/20, CNN stuff, and 60 Minutes (don't fuck with Mike Wallace). I love the History, Discovery, Learning, and nature channels. I also keep HBO just to see their serieses. I loved Sopranos and Oz, but Six Feet Under is the greatest thing ever called a TV show. It is heads and shoulders above everything else ever made.

Books:

Ad-nauseum, who isn't sick of me talking about "A Song of Fire and Ice?" Sick of hearing about it? well friggin' read it. Yes, it is very big. Lots of words. Just read it. No one, and I do mean no one, crafted a world better. Ever. This includes (suck in the gasp) Tolkien. Yeah, George's world is much more clever. If you are one of those "Wheel of Time" People, please find the nearest dirty public toilet and drown yourself in it. just so you know, Rand Al'Thor is a giant pussy and Sandor Clegane would whip his ass. You Robert Jordan freaks need to get off the thorazine and move on to something with better writing. I also enjoy non-fiction, but I go for Sci-Fi and Fantasy, because I live in the real world and would rather entertain myself with someone elses. My favorite book of all time is Watership Down by Richard Adams.

Heroes:

Napoleon, Alexander the Great, Elizabeth I, Charlemange, Sun Tzu, Isiah Thomas, Jimmy Carter, Martin Luthor King Jr., Ghandi, Albert Einstein, Rev. Horton Heat, George Patton, Woodward & Bernstein, Vlad Teppes, Mike Wallace, my brother, Stephen Hawking, Carl Lewis, Hunter Hearst Helmsley, John Wesley Hardin, Hilary, Ron Jeremy. Benjamin Stove and the Fonz

My Blog

Vacation and dumps

A week before I leave for Jamaica the "Rod Luck" strikes. Mandi went to see her parents, so I thought I'd enjoy a nice unsupervised evening at the bar. But that got boring after a while, so I came hom...
Posted by G Zeus on Sat, 07 Oct 2006 06:55:00 PST

Why I'll probably go to hell

So, the guy who killed JonBenet Ramsey confessed. He should get the death penalty for that. Not just for the murder, but what it did to that family. That was a crazy amount of pain to inflict on peopl...
Posted by G Zeus on Fri, 18 Aug 2006 07:05:00 PST

immediate ceasefire

Do you all understand what an immediate ceasefire is? Let me explain it: If Shiite guerillas suddenly stop shooting rockets there might be peace. If Israeli soldiers stop air-strikes and guerilla-styl...
Posted by G Zeus on Sat, 05 Aug 2006 10:29:00 PST

predictions

This is it, make no mistake anymore. The waiting is over... WORLD WAR III War is coming. I know, it is already here, but it is about to get significantly worse. Yes...duh. Thank you, Professor Obvious...
Posted by G Zeus on Fri, 28 Jul 2006 10:15:00 PST

Must Love Turds

go to this website:  http://mgm.imdb.com/title/tt0417001/plotsummary read that shit. then read the following: and see the similarities. wouldn't you rather have it like this? Diane Lane .... ...
Posted by G Zeus on Sat, 15 Jul 2006 10:06:00 PST

ostentatious weaponry

For that which is chiseled, defined and well kept, narrow at the leads and slack in the mouth, for fine sculpture and dense rich texture, a missile that simply lacks a target Take one. From me. A gif...
Posted by G Zeus on Fri, 14 Jul 2006 07:22:00 PST

Wasted Away Again Here in Eternia

Jimmy Buffet meets He-Man in the Carribean, sing along: Drinkin' with CringerGoin' on a benderHalf-way through I get the callBeast Man is buggin, Man-at-Arms can do nuthin'Turn into He-ManAnd sha...
Posted by G Zeus on Fri, 07 Jul 2006 10:41:00 PST

i had a great blog

but i hit the wrong button and it is gone. dammit. you all would have loved it and laughed hard. but it is gone now. humor washed away by fate. now none of you will ever laugh or feel joy again. I'm g...
Posted by G Zeus on Tue, 04 Jul 2006 02:12:00 PST

and another thing...

Look, I hate baseball. But at my job, I work right by the sports desk and it is summer and the Tigers are doing well, so it is gonna come up. This baseball manager, Ozzie Guillen, called a sports writ...
Posted by G Zeus on Sat, 24 Jun 2006 10:33:00 PST

i was high, like, a week ago officer

The Michigan Supreme Court, or as I will now refer to them as the Michigan Collection of Draconian Dicks, have ruled 4-3 that presecutors do not have to prove beyond a reasonable doubt a person is int...
Posted by G Zeus on Sat, 24 Jun 2006 04:23:00 PST