Passing On A Crowded Street
They passed on the street. Just for a split second. They would never see each other again. You never do in big cities like this one. A sweeping motion: she passed him on his right. He can remember her profile gliding by him. The image felt slower as she moved closer, but as soon as she passed him, sped up again.
He remembers thinking she had a nice face. She remembers the jacket he was wearing. It doesn't matter does it? Or does it? Something happened when the two of them passed each other. What it was can't be described here. Not with words, no. But there was a connection.
His blue eyes and her brown. Not that it was love at first sight, or even love. That was not said. Whether or not it was felt, only they will know. But there was something there. Deja vu? The rest of the crowd passed on the cluttered streets in an indiscernible and inseparable mass. One body could not be distinguished out from the next; it is how we make ourselves invisible in public. But he had jarred into her consciousness just as she had into his own.
She doesn't believe in past lives and he's undecided. Not to say that is the answer, just a possible cause. Not to say they even felt like they had known each other before. It was just one of those things, that's all. Something you can't explain in a world purged of mysteries by science and rational thought.
Maybe she had seen him at a party once, she thought for a second. But there were so many parties, too many to sort through. Maybe he had seen her on the street before, he wondered for just a fleeting moment. He did walk this block every day at this time. But does it matter? He shook his head. Who knows.
Does it mean much? she thought after he was already behind her a few paces. Does it mean anything? She quickly banished any of these thoughts. She doesn't believe in these things anyway. Just Order. And Science. And Rules. Laws of Physics. Laws of the Universe. Surely they wouldn't allow such things? Just an aberration in her mind then. That's all.
He couldn't shake it. And he wouldn't forget it. Ten years later he would be sitting in a cafe trying to figure out who she was and what her significance was. Or if he just imagined her. He hadn't slept much the night before. Not to say that he had imagined her. That's just one hypotheses.
She wouldn't forget either. But she wouldn't let herself think about it. She suppresses in the back of her mind because it doesn't fit into her orderly universe. It was probably a mistake anyway. Maybe she was hung over. She had partied a lot in those days, but for the life of her she could not remember drinking the night before. That was just one explanation anyway.
Does it mean much? Does it mean anything? Millions of strangers pass on the streets every second. They have no connection. The hands on the wrist-watch tick tick tick and the heart beats 72 times per minute. The only advice that can be given is to just walk on. Focus straight ahead. If you do that, then maybe you'll never have to question why.
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The following was written 1/12/04
I have brown eyes and brown hair. I'm in my senior year at Laguna Hills High.
In my moments of free time, I enjoy keeping busy with reading (everything from Thoreau to cereal boxes), writing (these days essays for English), and drawing (mostly doodles). I'm working on flying, but not making much progress, general Creating, bonfires at the beach, hanging out late at coffee shops and other socializing with peers, engaging in arguments with my mom over ultimately very trivial things... and trying to keep content while surrounded by materialism and superficiality.
I am tall- about 5'2". I'm obsessed with picking apart what others think about life and God. I like to turn my music up and dance crazily when no one's around. I best like to be kissed on my cheeks and neck. I love vegetables! I still don't know how to make appropriate eye contact. I laugh and smile a lot. Sometimes, I'm very shy, especially when Im trying to impress someone. I love to be fussed over. I like trinkets. I'm fascinated by unique individuals looking to better themselves and others in this crazy world. I love to chew bubble gum and eat candy. I get a kick out of watching old TV shows from my childhood. I wish I could fly. I plan to make a positive difference in others lives, as small a difference it may be. I hate sleeping alone. I love to spoil people. Even with outside obligations, I typically stay up 'till 2am or later and sleep in sometimes as late as 4pm.
I'm a dreamer. I hope I stay that way. I drink a lot of water. I don't know what I'll do after my parents or sister die. The idea scares me more than my own death. I like Harry Potter. I wash my hair with Pantene and I read the bottle in the shower. I wish I had nicer boobs. I wish I were better at saving money. I like playing my guitar. I walk and drive around my neighborhood and it makes me happy. I love the snow and believe in magic sometimes. I wish I were good at making clothing or that I knew how to survive on my own in the wilderness.
I have bad vision. I like to spend money on other people. I have a penchant for exotic cultures. I like the idea of being a Renaissance Man and strive for pursuing many things all at once. I LOVE JESUS! Most of the time, I stay up late during the weekdays, get up early for school, take 4 hour naps after school and end up staying up late again. It's a vicious cycle. I write notes down on my hands & arms. I have never been in love. I brush off compliments and take criticism to heart.I do not own a cell phone. I love to listen to my grandpa talk and tell stories from back in the day. I miss my grandmother. I love to watch other people. I wish I was clever and charming. My hands get cold easily. I love early morning brinner at Denny's. I think that to be Gods child is to hear the harmony that was always implied by the melody.
December is my favorite month because it creates a sense of limitless possibilities - - it makes me believe in magic and reaffirms my belief in God.I love people hard. I legally became an adult 3 months ago. I can look at pictures of people and landscapes tirelessly. I am easily fascinated by little things and the marvelous creations by God and people. I like T.V.I want to feel like I lived my life as best as I could. Or at least something close. I am always trying so hard to fit in. You might be disappointed in me. A lot of the time I feel as if I'm not enough. I hate rejection. I feel alone but okay. I write in capital letters.
I talk to myself a lot...in British accents. I reflect on my day and how I'm living my life when I'm alone at night. It's important to me to go out of the way to try new things. I'm a sucker for Nostalgia.I love playing Solitaire and Sonic the Hedgehog. I lose at most things. I have a fear of being disliked or unloved by people I like and love. I need to let go of some things more easily.I most want to grow old with someone I love to be around, trust, admire, seek counsel in, and feel a worthy opponent for.
If I like you enough, it makes me feel really damn happy if you use me. I wish I wasnt as gullible as I am. I wonder what you look like naked. I have the best family in the world. We put the fun in dysfunctional. I can't ever seem to keep my room clean, no matter what. I love watching the horizon in the mornings on my drive to school. When people make an effort to keep in touch, it means a lot to me. I get excited whenever I get a letter in the mail. I see, feel, know, and hear about some devastating things, and hope and wish very hard for the best.
I do not want to grow up. I want to live forever, whether it's physically or through memory. I enjoy laughter and people with a big sense of humor. I love people who smile back and I appreciate Good Hugs. I am a pleasure delayer.I want to learn to be careful with my heart, get over my many insecurities, and love deeply. I am 18 years old and terrified of blinking my eyes and realizing that I'm 30 and that I didn't stop to breathe. I'm sensitive, although you may not know it. And although I have gotten hurt a lot, I have learned that I am of a durable and resilient material.I enjoy being admired. I like watching and engaging with people who are Driven to Wonder. I am smitten with Dreamers and Philosophers. I admire the people who can contribute more than they criticize.My Friends and Family are the most precious support system, and consist of some truly amazing individuals. Big hearted and compassionate people make me feel deeply at peace...
I am very much into hoping and even more into taking action to actualize hopes.I'm laughably naive, Shamelessly optimistic, Stubborn, Open-minded, intensely Sensitive, And not sorry about any of it.Memory is a curious selector - I wonder what gems I have discarded. I love doing so much and seeing so much that I marvel at the fraction I have experienced and wonder what else is out there. I am trying to make sense of this Living Business, better understand where other people in this world are coming from and what they think... I am having a delicious time of it so far. It is 1am. I won't be in bed until at least 2. My mom is downstairs watching TV right now. I am 18 years and almost 3 months old. God, I really am so glad to be alive.