Cryptic Gallbladder Splatter erupted onto the Los Angeles metal scene like a smegma filled legion on the gueche of an aged sailor overnight. Surprisingly, Cryptic spread in Orange County like the clap in a confessional and have even managed to gather hordes of ravenous pre-pubescent girls and pasty-faced teenage burnouts. While Cryptic seems to have an overnight success, the band actually began many years ago before even the members themselves knew their fates. Dustin Reush was raised as the son of a cult in San Bernadino. As a child, Dustin was not content with wearing white robes and weaving bootleg tibetan rugs all day, so he took to eating plants surrounding the cult's communial. Soon after, Dustin was moved by the spirit and began playing a B.C. Rich along with records by bands such as The Byrds, Cream, and the Jimi Hendrix Experience. Dustin may still be sitting in the wildernes playing laong with classic records had he nought met Erik "Fern" Fernandez one chill autumn evening. Fern grew up listening to his intesnely hot mother's 80's dance records and took a strong liking to acts with flamboyantly gay lead singers such as Flock of Seagulls and the legendary Queen. Freddy Mercury brought alive the innershowman in Fern and implanted a dream into Fern's young firm mind. At this point, Shawn was being bred for thrash greatness performing with the Gray Tailed Arctic Fox Preservation Society Band. While Shawn was having the time of his livfe covering classics such as "When I'm Sixty Four" and "House of the Rising Sun" at benefits, his pulsating blastbeats and Max Roach-esque drumbreaks were earning him the distain and hatred of his fellow bandmates. The day finally came when Carl McDanafehr (clarinette) delivered the cranium-shattering blow of telling Shawn he was out of the Gray Tailed Arctic Fox Preservation Society Band. Upon hearing the news, Shawn pierced his own frenum and began wearing female undergarments while frequenting the Venice Beach bar circuit looking for an end to himself, or a blowjob. Death surely would have claimed this misguided sexual predator had Fern not been searching the wasteland of homeless that sleep around those parts. Shawn desperately tried to haggle Fern for a blow job or at least a few dollars for another drink. Fern knew from hanging around the deadbeat former members of spazzy artsy dance bands that large forearm muscles meant the individual in question was either a sexual deviant or an extremely swift-limbed drummer, both were true of Shawn. Fern began practicing with Shawn, but something was missing. All the songs written by the two could only be described as scatgrind, an amalgum of 1930's scat and mid-ninties grindcore (Anal Cunt, Cattle Decapitation, Carcass). One fine day the two were practicing and in wandered a strange man wearing a white robe carrying a B.C. Rich Warlock. This strange man was in fact Dustin after stumbling and faceplanting into the concrete garage floor of their practice space, revealing a twin Sound City stack and a plush amp with a two eighteens cab. Immediately the connection had taken place. These three misguided lovers took out their apparent sexual frustration intended for eachother on their instruments anc vocal chords. The product was amphetamine-paced goregrind with mindblowing psychadelic guitar solos, free-form jazz influenced drumming with traditional lightning-paced blastbeats, with a sublimminal hint of eighties dance and new wave. Fern added his unique touch tot he band in Mercury-inspired struts and moves onstage weilding raw meat and cans of random filth while providing satan's plastic colon growls and flamboyantly ear-piercing shrieks. Within a year of this meeting the band played shows in nearly every region of Southern California, and recorded a demo with the legendary Patrick "shit splat pat" whatley of Blood in my Poop fame and curtis redmond. Although the band's demo was well-recieved, the band has already far surpassed this recording a few months ago. then they got a bass player... eh! The band continues to play shows traveling father and father on each venture to spread their art. Despite freak mishaps of violence at shows, two broken noses, several incidents of missing and chipped teeth, and a stronghanded police intervention at a Halloween show, many fans, websites, and zines have been spreading good word of the band live. The band continues to add new influences in an attempt at bringing new breath and adding some originality in a stale genre. ______________- BenFeureradd our banners to your page!!!!
