total blam blam profile picture

total blam blam

the eggs have fainted.

About Me

i'm the usual overeducated, vaguely Trostskyite, uppity feminist. i'm often pretentious but that doesn't stop me squealing with delight when i locate a Greggs. Depending on who you talk to, i look a little like Cagney of Cagney and Lacey fame, Uma Thurman, and Kate Winslet. the truth is i'm more fluffy-haired, scruffy and ridiculous than any of them. i make amusing notes for myself in the margins - 'chortle' or 'has the author considered the derridean position, one wonders?' - that kind of shit. i think its really REALLY important to deface advertising wherever possible. i'm a mummy and my little girl is cuter, brighter and more fun than yours, ok? i'd like to think that in a film of my life, Gene Wilder would play me. sometimes, i dig houmous, but mostly, i recognise it for the chickpea evil it harbours. i'd be perfectly content with life if i could just watch Milkshake every morning before the day begins. you should also know that i love DB a little. .. Layout Provided By CodeMyLayout.com - Myspace Layouts

My Interests

talking rubbish, using psychoanalysis to ruin films for my dear friends, deconstructing the racist undertones of my childhood movies (anyone watched Ghost again recently?) Rocking Out in my kitchen, drinking tea, gazing out of windows, lying on the ground, working on the greatest lasagne recipe in existence, geeking off with my loved ones, eroticising childhood stories and nursery rhymes, all forms of cheese, exploring alternative states with my friend the herb, unnecessary high-fiving, making phonecalls from the bath, slapsies, being a kickass mom, lifting people, getting the fuck on down, trawling through markets, cooking up a storm, hot soapy baths, alone or otherwise, wanking, intending to begin a proper blog, pretending i know the rules to poker, talking to myself, cooing at my fishies, narrating the inner thoughts of my fishies, photocopying, corresponding with the Bear, humming, fantasising about stationary, smoking the occasional fatty-boom-batty, whispering (especially by accident), being friendly to strangers, avin a dance, concocting delicious sandwiches, having a good clean, deconstructing disney films, populating my complicated fantasy life with colourful characters, and thinking.

I'd like to meet:

it doesn't matter what i put in this box...the same tedious assembly line youngsters seem to ache for my myspac companionship. so here, enjoy some Goatboy magic... ..

Music:

the pixies, ry cooder, david bowie, mozzer, tom waits, polly harvey, the flamin lips, metallica, bjork, Roxette, Rufus and Martha Wainwright, nirvana, massive attack, alice in chains, pearl jam, portishead, gorgeous george michael, the smiths, snoop dawg, devendra banhart, the beach boys, the beastie boys, anything masquerading as a gang of boys in fact, fleetwood mac, antony and the johnsons, the lemonheads, cocteau twins, jeff buckley, laura nyro, brand new heavies, jurassic 5, blackstreet, eurythmics, smashing pumpkins, hole, sidi bou said (and all that riot grrrl shiiit. uhhuh my right on sistahs!) lyle lovett, lucy pearl, placebo, Van the Man before he got fat and rubbish, the manic street preachers before they got fat and rubbish, blur, albarn's other band elastica (i fucking love Frischmann though), radiohead, captain beefheart, the band, clap your hands say yeah, tricky, annie lennox, mariza, jimi tenor, beck, ben folds five, steely dan, half man half biscuit, mouse on mars, countless other weird and wonderful things... oh, and mostly my dearest dearest friend Phil Burdett. mainly i quite like silliness in all forms. ..

Movies:

the usual shit - Cronenberg, Van Sant, Aronofsky, Jarmusch, Coen brothers, Almodovar. obviously, given my penchant for psychoanalysis, i'm so excited about the new Lynch that i may very well wee myself.

Television:

i've discovered a penchant for anti-media media - Screenwipe, Time Trumpet, Broken News...I love Supernanny (obviously) and all tedious reinvention progammes, Channel 4 News for Jon Snow's integrity, BBC news for Fiona Bruce's integrity, Shameless, anything by Chris Morris, The Day Today, Jam, Brasseye, Nathan Barley, anything starring Mark Heap, Jam (again), Spaced, Green Wing, Newsnight Review when i need pretentious drivel, anything with the genius of Justin Lee Collins on centre stage, really REALLY explicit Channel 5 documentaries about fucking, Derren Brown, and documentaries about insects. i find myself glued to dreadful lifestyle TV - Beat the Bailiffs, Faking It!, that kind of stuff, and i'm becoming concerned for my sanity. i also shout quite a lot at adverts, but it doesn't seem to do any good.

Books:

i read. a lot. you could say its almost my job...freud, jung, burroughs, huxley, vonnegut, hughes, poe, douglas, butler, goodman, halberstam, lear, carroll, atwood, kulick, joyce...all sorts of books bring pleasure of different flavours into my life. sometimes its the withering insight of an innovative ethnography, or it may be the biblical lessons of the dangers of gluttony in The Very Hungry Caterpillar. sometimes i just hang at the library, smelling the parchment, caressing the spines, absorbing the gentle hum of wisdom and reflection...i fancy most librarians and flirt outrageously with them at any opportunity.

Heroes:

no need.

My Blog

sex addict!

ARE YOU AN ADDICT TOO? Ulrika was told she was a sex addict after completing a two-part quick quiz devised by Dr Patrick Carnes.  Use it to diagnose yourself.  If you answer yes to more than...
Posted by total blam blam on Mon, 19 Mar 2007 04:39:00 PST

and then there was one...

  The Goldfish Lineage  i have some sad news.  Elliot, the little one, shuffled from tankhood and went to fishy heaven.  he's followed Marcellus Wallace (the one with the fat neck...
Posted by total blam blam on Sun, 18 Mar 2007 02:54:00 PST

the bile of myspace jealousy.

here's a thought for a monday morning - i think someone should buy me a lovely digital camera.  i feel the bitter rage every time i see new myspace phots, and i am reminded that i cannot be so vi...
Posted by total blam blam on Mon, 26 Feb 2007 01:48:00 PST

someone's been playing silly chuggers...

apologies for blogging twice in one day - is this evidence of a terrible terrible narcissism? no matter!  i am important enough for it! just thought you might be amused to hear my favourite respo...
Posted by total blam blam on Mon, 22 Jan 2007 08:31:00 PST

down the tube...

anyone fancy a salubrious tube defacement? i'm thinking in particular of those vulgar stretches of elevator where one product is advertised - endlessly, exhaustively - and your vision becomes a t...
Posted by total blam blam on Mon, 22 Jan 2007 08:11:00 PST

why londoners are miserable.

if you read Metro on your way to work and The London Paper/London Lite on your way home from work... 1.  you are receiving two doses of cerebral poison.  no wonder you're so fucking depresse...
Posted by total blam blam on Tue, 12 Dec 2006 04:47:00 PST

you've been very very naughty

i reckon frost could take byron in a street scrap. shall i set up a crappy myspace poll and find out what the general consensus is?...
Posted by total blam blam on Fri, 17 Nov 2006 06:21:00 PST

naked photos of me masturbating!

hello adoring blog public. i know how much you've all missed my witty insightful comments and analysis of modern metropolitan life.  sadly i'm dealing with the motherfucking public all day every ...
Posted by total blam blam on Wed, 13 Sep 2006 08:29:00 PST