"If I Had a Laser Gun" By Patrick James---------I wish I had a laser gun. Laser guns would be so fun. If I had a laser gun I would shoot things with it all the time. The best thing about having a laser gun would be that no one would believe how cool I was, having a laser gun. If there was a problem, and I couldn't reach the problem, I could shoot it with my laser gun. My laser gun would have tons of ammo and adjustable settings, so I could shoot things and not hurt them if I wanted to, like birds or my friends. My friends would not get mad at me if I shot them with my laser gun.
Fat babies with popsicles, meat thieves, ass jugglers, diggo, Buck Rogers, Sam Miami, underbooth itches, Pan Friars, chip butties, murder bubbles, basket sleepies, Gmork, the Dude, ope, savages, cork stockers, feeler pilots, rickle collectors, pop dumpers, huwillies, rr, tim-betho reactor attendants, fask dippers, Captain Pete, Oop! programmers, Lucky Lelu the Underwired, Siddhartha, a wife for my kitty, Wiggy Barber, diggo knots, exoskelepals, those who, feceopaths, Birdo, Purpa Smof, jelly spoolers, giggum giggumo bootskinners, beer-not-beer, Happy Chuckles, Invisible Bitch, core spasm famp-wipers, nuggle, osilactriquent handlers, the Spastic Anti-Christ, Tessa, sooBuddha, Face (and No Face), feminine rocks, that woman in the apartment across from my room who sits in her window and just stares at me while I'm sleeping
Two cheeseburgers for lunch and food in a bucket once in awhile
extra mayonnaise
extra bacon
extra whipped cream
Kurt Vonnegut, Santa, Ed Witten, Stephen Hawking, Isaac Asimov, Anna Gorski, Socrates, Fred Kopp, Antonia Logue, Jim Henson, Isaac Asimov again. I wish he was still alive.