I edited my profile with Thomas' Myspace Editor V4.4
"Since the one thing we can say about fundamental matter is, that it is vibrating. And since all vibrations are theoretically sound, then it is not unreasonable to suggest that the universe is music and should be perceived as such."
I write music, I worry about fucking everything, I play connect the dots with all the components of existence, striving to have the whole picture figured out some day...
Sometimes existence drives me completely fucking nuts, nevertheless. But I'm glad I have things driving me nuts, because the frustration is inspiring and I feel like it's my job to be inspired by just about anything I can manage to be inspired by these days.
Why? Because that's how I tie into things. I'm an artist. I take the energy life gives me to feel and I translate that energy in the only language I'm truly fluent in...Music. Then I influence others in return; or try to at least; Encourage them to tear down their walls and renovate their mind into a wide-eyed landscape of its own, ready to take their existence to another level, as opposed to keeping their mind a maze of shit biases and fears and neglectments of what really matters. A lot of people play music because they like it...they enjoy the guitar around them, lost lusting after their own fantasies of a free life handed to them if they just keep strumming those generic chords (seeking existence where nothing's encumbering, where you feed endlessly on the decadent attributes of a star life with no challenges or sorrows to exercise your strengths...sounds like the exact opposite principle from submitting yourself to living as a musician in the first place...); Me, I play music because I need to. It's the only thing I can do. That affects my self-awareness and it affects the behavior I have around others. I approach interaction with people knowing that I am what I say I am, and the various reactions thrown back at me from people I talk with show how I do or do not mesh well with the ideal human being in the ideal human environments.
I know my place. I know I can be mocked, condescended to, neglected and flat out easily forgotten by most everyone else by exerting the behavior I do with people; Recognized in other people's brains as a lesser quality being because I don't pretend to be stronger or tougher or less concerned with the beauty of challenging our species' existence than I really am, but if I compromise my personal integrity to solidify social approval, everything I know myself to be would be forsaken, banished to the back of my mind so my ambition could wrap itself around the petty happiness it can gain from 10-percent-of-the-brain-operating human life.
My ambitions include one day being held responsible for helping chop away the barrier between how we percieve the universe and how the universe TRULY is (considering they are two completely fucking different things right now) through music and words, foiling the more despicable details of the human design in my own lifetime of experience & education, and to live a (justified) genuine life by accomplishing the former actions. Now the biggest question is whether fate (what a quaint illusion fate is) will give me the time to do so before everyone and everything dies.
"I don't know what my life will lead to, or what small part I'll be found playing in the navigation; But every day I wake to find myself still drifting through the moons is a day I strive with all to keep shining with life. My efforts are thorough yet still, results are a wary chance; There are demons here that I know not how to rid from this. It's then, I learned, that the only evils to prevail are those which share my (in)side and, with me, drift through these daily sights." - Introspect in E Minor. I promise you'll hear the music some day.
