If someone asks to be your friend on Myspace and their photo looks like it's out of a magazine, just push the deny button*** Superman has waaaaay too many powers, he might as well be called Unbeatable-Man *** Usher's shoes are way too big *** "The man" sucks *** where was The Emergency Broadcast System on 9/11? *** dogs are more honest animals than cats, a dog couldn't lie to you even if he wanted to, but a cat would look you straight in the face and be like "I wouldn't know anything about that." *** I'm made out of Laffy Taffy mother%@$er *** why do all cops have tiny legs and pot bellies? *** why isn't there a phrase to say when somebody coughs, after all has anybody ever sneezed themselves to death? *** age verification tests on the internet are useless *** everything is cheaper on ebay *** what is the function of mosquitoes? *** does a bike cop take in perps on his handlebars? *** do 18 hour bras break if you wear them longer than 18 hours? *** how can something be both hot as hell and cold as hell at the same time? *** The reason I’m a democrat is simple. I vote against the party whose members feel that it would be a good idea to hang me from the nearest tree. Every now and then I’ll go ask a white supremacist who he’s voting for just to make sure the Democratic Party policy hasn’t changed. *** a pistol silencer is perfect for the person who is crazy enough to murder somebody but polite enough not to wake the neighbors while doing it *** If Superman's home planet is made of kryptonite then when he was at home he must have been a wuss *** If you forget to shower before you drive to work, could that be considered "riding dirty?" *** Daffy Duck sniffs coke in an episode of Loony Toons entitled "The Scarlet Pimpernicle" *** wrapping paper is a very ironic gift *** why is everyone who drives slower than you an idiot and eveyone driving faster than you a maniac? *** If your digestive system is a well oiled machine, then corn is not a team player *** If you make people vomit uncotrollably and bleed out of their eyes and anus, you are either the Ebola Virus or Paula Abdoul *** Never trust a dentist from England *** Micky Mouse is lazy, everything just seems to fall into his lap without really doing anything *** Daffy Duck was a happy-go-lucky guy untill he met Bugs Bunny *** Dogs that are so small that they have to be carried around should be called rats *** a folding chair is number one in both transportable comfort and blunt force trauma *** remember that commercial where the lady says "this is your brain, this is your brain on drugs" and then she cooks the egg? well I'll bet the brain on drugs tastes better *** two words: Patrick Swayze. my oh my how the mighty have fallen *** I gotta get up, I gotta get goin, I'm gonna see a friend of mine, he's round and he's fuzzy I love him because he's just Pooh Bear Winnie the Pooh Bear *** if David killed Goliath by throwing a rock at him then all the people that Goliath killed must have been weeeeaaak***nemesis-a righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent***Normal people bore me, seriously all my friends are lunatics and psychopaths.
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