Jake - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I have absolutely no redeeming qualities whatsoever, and my knees recently stopped functioning. Also, my attempts to assemble a team of comedy FUCKING all-stars is constantly tripped up by everyone else's alcoholism.

My Interests

At this point, sleeping and eating.

I'd like to meet:

I don't really care. People who don't suck.

Music:

I don't think Monterey has ESPN radio, so I am cursed to listen to my enemies, Sporting News radio.

Movies:

I am championing the Grizzly Project as one of the finest tales ever put to a cinematic reel. If you have not seen it, go buy a grizzly suit and let your friends hit you with a truck and shoot arrows at you.

Television:

It's a TV, I watch it.

Books:

My wife left some book about a girl losing her virginity in boarding school in our bathroom and I was inexplicably drawn into it. Does this mean I'm going to start reviewing Judy Blume books? I'd prefer to go back to choose your own adventure, for the intrigue.

Heroes:

Don Frye, all the mustache of Tom Selleck with the words of Yeats. Don Frye is the man you want to be.

My Blog

Amazing. Simply amazing.

Foreword: I was going to send this out as a bulletin, but there was no way to properly title it. What do you call the bulletin? Best Fight Scene Ever? Yelling? ...
Posted by Jake on Tue, 05 Jun 2007 03:41:00 PST

I feel disgusting right now...

I have pooped close to a dozen times in the last four hours. Now, some of you may think this is no feat, but believe me, this has been one of the longest nights of recent memory. I feel li...
Posted by Jake on Mon, 05 Jun 2006 02:07:00 PST

I fucking killed Tom Waits

That video was an abomination. it was the aborted fetus of American music, and therob didn't have the decency to shove it in a canister shaped coffin. Rather, he left it to wiggle on my pa...
Posted by Jake on Thu, 01 Sep 2005 01:35:00 PST

sweet belt buckle

http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=viewIma ge&friendID=6414089&imageID=110233253&Mytoken=20 050528002131 I have nothing else to say.
Posted by Jake on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Vin Diesel and Bill Brasky...same man?

http://www.4q.cc/vin/ just keep reloading.
Posted by Jake on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Yet another one of my stupid acts...

Through a series of misunderstandings and misrepresentations, I took a mighty swig from a bottle of powerade that had been infused with chloraseptic and my wife's spit. This is worse than shitting on...
Posted by Jake on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

I get mad views.

Zack needs to quit being a homo and show up to practice. And TheRob needs to man up and start doing wacky things again that create good water cooler talk. And Cody needs a real effing nick name. I ...
Posted by Jake on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

I gots me a blog!

These customized myspace accounts have got to go. I'm trying to figure out whether or not a guy si into Jesus rock or metal, but I can't make out the effing text because of the pictures of cats doing...
Posted by Jake on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST