Derek Zoolander

Cool. My name is Derek Zoolander (as if you didn't not know), and I'm a male model. It pays to be ridiculously and professionally goodlooking. Look at all the people I help. Hundreds of people across the world see my modeling as a tool, a tool to brighten the future. It is my dream for everyone in the world to see my male modeling as a tool to brighten the future. Cool. So, my wife used to be an investigatory journalist, but now she's helping me with my "Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can't Read Good." I mean come on, there has got to be more to life than being really, really, really, ridiculously good-looking. Cool.I mainly youtilize three looks: Le Tigre, Ferrari, and Blue Steel. They're totally different looks. I just recently discovered Magnum, but I can't seem to do it again, considering the fact that I'm not an ambi-turner which makes it really hard for me to turn left on the runway. Thanks to Hansel, he's helped me open up to a whole new world of male modeling. He's like a brother to me. Not like real brothers, but I mean the way Black people mean it...which is more meaningful, I think.Well what can I say, besides the fact that I'm really, really, ridiculously good-looking...It's something I work on every day, in between orgies, and Evian baths, you know. I guess it comes naturally to me to be really ridiculously good looking. You know, the original Greek word, model, means misshapen ball of clay, and I try to think about that every time I get in front of the camera. I can't help that I was born with this perfect bone structure, or that my hair looks better done up with moose and gel than hidden under a stupid hat with a light on it. I remember the first time I realized what I wanted to do when I was older...It was during my first time in the 2nd grade, I caught my reflection in a spoon while eating my cereal, and I remember thinking, 'Wow, you are ridiculously good-looking. Maybe you can do that for a career.'