MIKE RHAPIZBROWN profile picture

MIKE RHAPIZBROWN

I suffer from S.V.N.D. - Selective Volunatary Normalcy Disorder

About Me


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Oh Goodie! I always wanted to sum my entire existence up in a couple of paragraphs! Strap 'em and flap 'em, 'cause here we go...
According to my parents, I was born at the ripe old age of none. Mom wanted a girl. Dad wanted a boy. I managed to confuse them from the get-go by being born with parachute pants on.
At the age of three, I was a child prodigy. I could play the Kazoo having never taken a single lesson.
When I was seven, I fell into Phoenix River. When River Phoenix was seven, he fell into Lake Fecal. Do the math.
Growing up, Darcy Methers was the girl who lived across the street from me. She'll always been the love of my life. Unlike other girls that have come and gone, she actually exists... and doesn't need to be refilled with air every other night. As a matter of fact, I think I might be her imaginary friend. This would explain the constant blackouts and coming-to whenever we're alone and she's bored. Hmmm.
I graduated with a B.A. in Initials. I do believe that statement speaks for itself.
I don't think of the world as my Oyster... but rather, my Manta Ray. C'mon: which would you rather have? An oyster or a Manta Ray? Seriously! You can't impress the cool kids with a clam.
My philosophy on life is: don't philosophize. Did I just contradict myself? I never do that all the time!

My Interests

I'm open to new things.

And by that, I DON'T mean naked Eel Wrestling in a kiddie pool filled with Crisco.

(been there, done that -- I walk with a limp to this day, and flinch whenever I get too close to a power-outlet!)

I'd like to meet:


Five people...

ONE:
The person:
John Fitzgerald Kennedy
The reason:
To prevent his assassination and, as a natural result, the existence of the band 'Dead Kennedys'
(okay, the real reason):
to ask him if Marilyn was as good in Norwegian Scrabble as the rumors would lead us all to believe!)

TWO:
The person: Steven Spielberg.
The reason: To thank him for a lifetime of great movies!
(okay, the real reason):
I have songs written and rarin' to go for "Munich: The Musical!")

THREE:
The person: Yoko Ono
The reason: Um... actually, this is a 'filler'.
(okay, the real reason):
No... really... I have no reason to meet ANYONE who was the core-sore reason for breaking up The Beatles!)

FOUR:
The person: You
The reason: Hey, strangers are simply friends you haven't met yet!
(okay, the real reason):
You might buy me lunch... or a BeerCoaster baseball-cap -- spiffy!)

FIVE:
Is your name Rachel McAdams?......

No?

(sigh)

Well, can we drink a bottle of Goldschlagger and just pretend that it is?

No?

Wow. I just met ya and already you're putting up borders!

Music:



Movies:

There are too many films in the world that are near-n-dear to my heart. So... just ask me.

Otherwise, this section will look like Oskar Schindler typed it out... but the Jews on this list would have names like "Casablanca" and "The Shawshank Redemption".

Television:



...are my television-religions. Now if Jack Bauer ever wound up on The Island, Jacob wouldn't stand a chance.

Books:

What are these "Books" you speak of?

OHHHHH! Riiiight! I almost forgot! "Books" are those Original Drafts of screenplays... before a whole ROOMFUL of Hollywood people strips it of character, plot and pacing.

Heroes:

St. Peter...
(hey, I HAVE to put that -- he's workin' The Door to THE Party you want to get into once ya shuffle-off your Mortal Coil!)

William Wallace...
(actually, that's Willie Wallace... the plumber from Astoria, Oregon -- but the 12th Century Scottish Legend would be cool to go bowling with, too!)

George Foreman...
(for my grill)

My Blog

First Sign Of The Apocalypse... your table is ready!

And just when you thought it was safe to trust in the Disney name for quality family entertainment, out comes the trailer for their latest film.DISCLAIMER: this video is not for the faint of heart or ...
Posted by MIKE RHAPIZBROWN on Sat, 28 Jun 2008 11:04:00 PST

Ten Skeletons In A Decades Closet

Everyone loves 80's music.Yep. Back when The Thompson Twins were hip, Dexy's Midnight Runners had a hit, and Michael Jackson wasn't a white pedophile living in exile of humanity, the 1980s mainstream...
Posted by MIKE RHAPIZBROWN on Mon, 26 May 2008 10:11:00 PST

Mooches Grassy-Ass

There's been a bit of a flux in my life as of late, and it's taken a When-It-Rains-It-Pours aura about me.  Thus, I think it's necessary to address both the virus and the cure.In a word: friends....
Posted by MIKE RHAPIZBROWN on Thu, 08 May 2008 05:46:00 PST

New-Fangled Failure...

So I met a nice girl on MySpace about two weeks ago. Her name was Cynthia Rose. At least... I THOUGHT she was a nice girl.Then, alas, I saw this on her blog entry (apparently she's one of those Hi-T...
Posted by MIKE RHAPIZBROWN on Wed, 07 May 2008 06:20:00 PST

It’s Who These Boots Were Made For...

This morning, I signed online to find a cure for A.D.D.Five minutes later, I unearthed the discovery of the century...http://www.cdharris.net/multi/Christopher_Walken_r eads_The_Raven.mp3Copy it, paste...
Posted by MIKE RHAPIZBROWN on Sat, 26 Apr 2008 03:27:00 PST

What brings me joy...

...is when old, nearly life-long friends come back to visit.(whether they’re real or ficticious) Harrison Ford ("The Money"), Cate Blanchette ("The Class"), Shia LaBeouf ("The Teen-D...
Posted by MIKE RHAPIZBROWN on Mon, 17 Mar 2008 09:49:00 PST

Mew Vees

Well, here are some movie-review summaries from the films I’ve seen as of late during my work-ditching jaunts off to the local suckaplex...NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN: The only thing that separates T...
Posted by MIKE RHAPIZBROWN on Sat, 15 Mar 2008 08:12:00 PST

Back in black...

Has it really been over four months since I've last blogged?Egad!Apologies and pardons for the neglect and the absence.  While I have indeed been here on MySpace (and -- more recently -- it's bor...
Posted by MIKE RHAPIZBROWN on Sun, 06 Jan 2008 08:15:00 PST

A Once In A Lifetime Experience... um... again...?

"Remake". It's the dirty word in a Film-Geek's vocabulary.  It's Hollywood's version of selling-out... caving-in... crapping-the-pants of Originality. The general consensus is that rema...
Posted by MIKE RHAPIZBROWN on Sun, 26 Aug 2007 01:35:00 PST

Two-Dimensional Guys...

Ladies, girls, and anyone else who's not a guy...More and more, as I listen with my keen insight to the female-condition (read as: "I eavesdrop a lot"), I can't help but notice a recurring-conver...
Posted by MIKE RHAPIZBROWN on Mon, 30 Jul 2007 11:16:00 PST