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Challo

Send Lawyers, Guns, and Money.

About Me


Apparently I wait my entire life to find the girl of my dreams and then I make babies.
I am on the verge of writing again.
I'm somewhere driving in my Jeep listening to Okkervil River and wondering when and where I'm finally going to find spirituality and be able to embrace something I cannot touch. I'm turning the volume up and putting my sunglasses on and watching you as you pass by me all the while never even realizing I was there. I'm repeating track 6 now on The River of Golden Dreams. My smile is growing, but it is always only temporary. The tragedy is in the simplicity of the day and its ability to make or break me. The beauty is that I'm alive. I'm wondering how my sister is doing and thinking how great it is to finally be closer to my parents. I obsess over Ashley and feel as if I may love every inch of her. I'm downshifting as traffic is slowing to a stop. I'm thinking how great it is that summer never has to end here, but thinking that something may have been lost to get here. I merge into the left lane forgetting to put on my blinker and again realizing that I spend too long glancing over my shoulder when I make turns. I worry about the number of wrecks in Florida and what will happen if my insurance company finds out I'm lying to them. The worry fades as I realize I always put myself in these situations and always seem to find my way out. I watch people, I've studied people. I'm telling myself there are no jobs for Sociology majors, but there can be peace of mind. Traffic is moving faster now and I'm passing cars on both sides. It's still early in the afternoon as I move into the HOV lane. I'm moving further north and it feels like I may be going home and I've been so many places and lost for so long that that just may be the best feeling I can ask for. I'm imagining holding Ashley, how small and perfect she can seem in my arms. I picture her blonde hair, her eyes, and then her smile. I pull her in tighter and my body relaxes. I believe I've found someone that has made all other things manageable. In this tiny girl, years younger than myself I have found someone to look up to. I wonder if I'm a good person, how good? I quickly fly past my regrets and mistakes in my mind pausing only for a few. I never spend too much time living out those days anymore. The area off the interstate looks familiar and I begin to work towards the right lane and eventually the exit. Familiar neighborhoods are only a few turns away and I nod my head knowingly, but only to myself. The outer edges of my lips turn up slightly as if to break a smile. You wouldn't be able to tell if you were to see me, but only if you were to know me. I sit up in the seat a bit reaching to turn off the stereo and hear the sounds of the area. I become even more relaxed as I pull in and put my car into park. The sun is still shining once again burning red into my skin. The blue seems more vivid than the sky when I was a kid and I wonder where all the birds have gone. The trees are different here, but they are no more beautiful. I look to the sky and thank God for allowing me to still be here standing and wondering when we will find each other. I tell him I'm ready to commit to things I'm not ready to commit to. I remember promises I made him that were broken. I wonder what hell will feel like and I place hope in finding a way out. I briefly feel the years pile up and my age catch up with me. I've tried to stay so young for so long and all those years come charging in and it's hard to hold them at bay when what you're searching for cannot be found when you're young. It's growing warmer outside and I try to remember that that makes me happy as I make my way inside. My eyes grow wider to take in the landscape and then the look of the place. It is all I can do to briefly hold back a smile as the realization strikes me that I've been looking forward to getting home for quite some time.
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My Interests

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I'd like to meet:



someone else that finds bleeding hilarious and truly believes that scars make perfect accessories.

i'd also like it if some sort of puppet could live with me. sesame street or whatever. just pop out at random times, peak around corners...i'd really like that.

Music:

songs; ohia- okkervil river- the elected- magnolia electric company- drive by truckers- charlie robison- two car garage- slobberbone- ryan adams- the bottlerockets- damien jurado- clem stine- deadstring brothers- the decemberists- sufjan stevens- elliot smith- great lake swimmers- josh ritter- jessie malin- neutral milk hotel- david gray(90s)- jeff buckley- jose gonzalez- johnny cash- willie- lucero- lyrics born- my morning jacket- the new amsterdams- old 97's- paul westerberg- son volt- wilco- uncle tupelo- social d- tom waits- whiskeytown-

Television:

my girl has tivo, but anything other than comedy or the news makes me nauseous and lately the news is making me nauseous as well.

Books:

buy them by the bushel. love the minimalists, amy hempel, the social commentaries, chuck palahniuk and brett easton ellis and i'm certain there's a lot more amazon.com hasn't recommended that i read yet.

Heroes:

anyone whom has accepted their own demise.

My Blog

Jennifer's Benefit May 24th The Brick

      On Wednesday, the 24th I will be holding a benefit for my sister.  In the very least Dave, Steve, and myself will be donating 100f our tips, as well as a portion of...
Posted by Challo on Wed, 10 May 2006 04:49:00 PST