Ariel A

This profile was edited with Thomas' Myspace Editor V3.2b
I must admit I'm not very good at these sort of things, I never know what to say nor how detailed I should be. So I will just tell the truth about me and trust it will be ok. I am a biological women i.e. "born female" women who from birth was reassigned male by my parents (particularly my father, who is still a doctor today and had the power, money and resources to make the reassignment happen, though my mother had an equally large part and responsibility in this as well. Father has profitted from this, specializing in the neoroscience and neorology field around pediatric socialization and other adjoined fields while mother believes she got the intended result she wanted. A boy! Both are wrong and the healthier I get physically, emotionally and spiritually, the more frightened and threatened they react to me and of course more abusive). There was no consent to the horrific unneccary, unneeded sex reassignment inflicted upon me throughout my life, (obviously since this all started when I was an infant and didn't stop till the midst of my adolescance, I was lied to any time I asked ANY questions about what was being done or when I showed signs of my awareness of it. I was also horribly abused as a response to such questions, both to keep me quiet and because I am not the SON they tried to make me into through their "special project" as they used to refer to before they divorced) or reason for these atrocities to occur, fortunately my body is healthier then it's ever been now and still recovering...I do after all have a long way to go. There were three variables to the sexual reassignment I survived...Surgical reassignment, hormonal reassignment and psychological/social reassignment. I say reassignment because I wasn't born any different in ANY way from ANY other normal healthy women, no confusion existed of what sex I am at any level. The surgical reassignment was all about adding shit on to my body that would pass in appearance, function, and fluid as male reproductive orgarns and that's exactly what was done, the surgeries were were inflicted upon me throughout the time of my birth until sometimes in the year that I was 5 years old. The surgeries were focused on adding on flesh and implant junk to my body so that it may pass as male reproductive organs over my natural anatomy which also involved re-aligning and re-attaching some of my born anatomy. Fortunately, none of my born anatomy was removed, closed, or severly messed with short of unhealthy neglect. During the years of my surgeries, roughly around the time I was 1 years old, my birth certificate was also changed...my original female name was changed to a male name, which still exists on my ID, birth certificate and other legal papers...and my sex on my birth certificate was from F for female to M for male, also still existing on my legal papers and ID. I stumbled upon this when I got my first old school copy of my birth certificate when I was 18 living at a homeless shelter. This copy was so old, it had been written with a typewriter and the erased letter engravings were visible and easily sensed and read by touch. They also reflected from a light source underneath the black ink. The hormonal reassignment started when I was born, as testasterone(the primary male hormone) injections till I was seven years old, which transformed into being mixed with psyche medication for diagnosis's that never existed, which only made me go crazy because the meds literally caused the opposite effects! I was forced to take this growing psychiatric pill cocktail as a minor from the age of 7 to the age of 18. Not surprisingly, this method was also used as a way to invalidate anything I attempted to speak up about all that was being done, which I did by being labelled as insane or mentally ill but also a means of deflecting my needs as a young women when I began experiencing puberty. Ritalin was given to counteract the enhanced aggression and spurts of energy induced from the male hormone testasterone. Progesterone was also laced into these medicine cocktails when I was thirteen, just starting the beginning throes of female puberty, right on time to. The only reason why the progesterone was added was to keep my female functions operational enough to avoid health problems that could be debilatating or potentially fatal results. I was already a huge liability to my parents lives and still am as it is once they decided to do this to me. Thankfully I got a reevaluation at 18, where the courage came from to ask for one, I really don't know but for the first time my body began to recover from the 18 years of severe psychological, emotional, spiritual, physical and sexual damage free of artificial hormones or hormonal manipulation for the first time. The psychological/social reassignment pretty much speaks for itself, my parents, and my fathers doctor comrades tactfully attempted through abuse, intimidation and lies to transform my female inhibitions, instinctual behaviors, thought process, etc into that of a males, or at least a male by mainstream societal standards(no offense to any mainstream folks). I'm just glad I'm healthy and that my body has and is able to recover from all this. After all, I am one of two identical twin girls and thankfully, we are starting to look alike again. I'm also glad I'm still in the midst of physical maturity, and still "developing" as all young women do. Recovery like this is a roller coaster, and I have a knack sometimes for being very detailed and blunt. I look at any needed surgeries to remove this added on junk as something that I will look into only when neccessary. Mostly because I still have a huge fear of doctors, hospitals surgeons, and the western medical institutions as a whole and would really only willingly walk into such an experience if my life was on the line, since my immune system is slowly showing minor signs of rejection of the added on junk that were major and nearly killed me when I was between the ages of 5 and 11. Such a drastic action or actions will only come to a life or death choice for me.I had a small bout where I took estrogen and testasterone blockers for about a year and a half and I identified as a transgender women. Big mistake for me! The testasterone blockers nearly killed me, my damned thyroid almost, and for some reason didn't explode. I was still lost in my own denial of my body and mind, regardless of how much I connected the dots growing up. Intuitively I knew what was going on, intellectually I was lost, confused and trying to figure myself out. This state of mind caused the devastation of the estrogen and testasterone blockers while I was taking them. My body has stabilized out and has greatly recoved since then. That was when I had to make the choice, accept the truth I had always known and avoided and live my life, or deny myself, the truth as horrific and insane as it is, and have my thyroid explode and kill me. I chose to live, perhaps that is a reason why I am still here today...So here's the part about my personality and stuff. I'll do my best with this now that I got the hard things about me out of the way...I am a shy girl, I tend to express this either by rambling on or not saying a word. I can be outgoing and become quite social if I can climb out of my shell of shyness, fear, and nervousness. I live a spiritual life, I attach myself to no religious organization though find myself most comfortable living under the vast label of paganism. I do professional spiritual work, though I am not yet "officially" certified. I'm also a flourishing writer, I've only got a few things published thus far but I am always busy working on one or most often a great many different enjoyable projects. Right now I'm writing an autobiagraphy, if you cannot see already, there is much for me to tell about my life. I've got two other novels and novel ideas on the back burner, mostly because I'm still doing research or compiling my notes and realistically I can only do so much at once. Another project that I'm doing right now is a collection of poems. This of course is also taking time, much like my autobiagraphy. A novel and book of poems doesn't get done overnight. Thank the Gods I enjoy writing and have the patience, tact, and determination to actually get somewhere and do a good job at it. I identify as a Genderqueer lesbian or simply labelless and embrace my androgyny that is a result of the sex reassignment I have survived throughout my childhood and much of my youth. Especially since I still have to live with the added on junk as I call the results of the surgeries in my parents attempts to reassign my sex. I always try to be as honest as possible with myself and others, and will answer any questions anybody might have. I enjoy art, do so many different kinds, my favorites currently are storytelling a World of Darkness Vampire The Masqerade role playing game, as well as writing. I like to embrace the darkness, as it comforts those who are blinded by the light. I have a gift to somehow find what is wonderful about darkened and disturbing situations or things without effort. It might have something to do with what I have overcome and must walk through everyday, since majority of my life I'm pretty positive. I guess I would also consider myself gothic, and definitely a punk rocker. In a vey deep sense within my spirit and it as much a part of my personality as my open hearted love for other women. Though sadly I've been to very few concerts to fulfill my punk rock desires, which is ironically due to the restraints and oppression of this fascist consumerist prejudice society, I bear the scars of poverty, and to survive I am forced to live off of the scraps of the government each month with SSI income.
You Are 33% American
America: You don't love it or want to leave it.
But you wouldn't mind giving it an extreme make over.
On the 4th of July, you'll fly a freak flag instead...
And give Uncle Sam a sucker punch! How American Are You?