Devil Inside Me
By Utada Hikaru
Quotes
Doctor: Would you like to know the gender of the child?
Mom: I already know it's going to be a girl.
Doctor: You can't know that.
Mom: I do.
Doctor: Hmn. *thinks the mother's insane* *turns to Dad* What would you like it to be?
Dad: Well, I would like a cocker spanial, but I don't think that's going to happen.
Doctor: Well I can tell you 99.9 percent that it's not going to be a cocker spanial.
Me: Hey.
Devon: Oh look, it's my favorite whore!
Me: I may be a whore, bitch, but there's a reason I'm your favorite!
Well, she's not bleeding on the ballroom floor
Just for the attention
Cause that's just ridiculous enough.
She sure is gonna get it
Here's the setting
Fashion magazine on the wall now
The walls hold the bullets whoooooah.
You surely surely never had it
You surely surely oh
Have some composure
Where is your posture
Oh no no
You're pulling the trigger
Pulling the trigger
Alright
Have some composure
Where is your posture
Oh no no
You're pulling the trigger
Pulling the trigger
Pulling the trigger
Alright.
Well gimme envy
Gimme malice
Gimme attention
Gimme envy
Gimme Malice
Maybe gimme a break.
When I say shotgun you say wedding
Shotgun wedding
Shotgun wedding
Well she didn't choose this role
But she plans to make it singe your soul.
You c-ryy. You c-ryyy.
(Gimme a break)
Will you believe it from the tears that in her teeth
and the blood at her feet
And boys'll be boys
Hiding in estrogen and
wearing overgin.
Dreeeaaaam
(Gimme a break-- break-- break-- break)
Have some composure
Where is your posture
Oh no no.
You're pulling the trigger
Pulling the trigger
Allriiightt.
Have some composure
Where is your posture
Oh no no.
You're pulling the trigger
Pulling the trigger
Allriiightt.
Come on this is screaming photo op... op...
Come on this is screaming photo op... op...
Come on, Come on. This is screaming.
This is screaming, this is is screaming
Photo op
(Have some compsure
Where is your posture
You surely surely gonna get it
Pulling the trigger
Pulling the trigger
You surely surely will)
Gimme envy
Gimme malice
Gimme attention
Gimme envy
Gimme malice
Maybe gimme a break
When I say shotgun you say wedding
Shotgun wedding
Shotgun wedding
Boys'll be boys
hiding in estrogen, and
Boys'll be boys!
Boys'll be boys
Hiding in estrogen and
Wearing overgin
Dreeeeaaaammm
Create yours at BlingyBlob.com!
She stared blankly at the screen of her computer, a multitude of thoughts passing through her mind, thinly veiled by the air of indifference convincing enough that it had even made her believe that she wasn't so very close to the breaking point as she seemed. Her finger tapped, a single movement that seemed to take all of her concentration as she eyed the picture, unseeing.
Finally, she turned, closed her eyes, wondered why she felt no wetness and then remembering the reason painfully clearly. She didn't cry because she was bred and raised to take such an emotional beating. She didn't cry because she didn't have tears enough for it. She didn't cry because it was only the real her that felt the pain, and the real her was far beyond her reach, below the layers of lies and falsehoods she had built over ten years of deception. In reality she was calm. Frighteningly calm, at least she supposed it should have been so.
She looked down, closed her eyes again, and wished the tears would come. Not that it might have helped. She was alone. Even if she let the tears fall, there would be no one to see them. No one to hold her, comfort her, remind her that everything would, in the end, be alright. She glanced at the phone, inactive except for those who were also in need of company.
Less need, she suspected, than herself, as it had not rang since she had hung it up nearly an hour and a half ago.
She let her gaze stray, subconciously begging herself for some distraction from the almost inexplicable cold loneliness that surrounded her. She wished someone would call if just to ensure her well being, knowing they would not. It was far too late in the night for that. Besides, no one knew how far from grace she had truly fallen.
Her eyes rested on the shirt that did not belong to her, laying in a white capped black heap on her bed before her pillow. It, of course, belonged to the man she was in love with, given to her to sleep in, as she could not sleep in his arms for a bit more than a year. She stood, barely knowing what she was doing, and crawled over to her bed, snatching it up, hugging it. She fell forward, head in to the pillow, but she didn't care. She clung to the fabric, smelling it, wrapping it about her hands, but she felt nothing of the love from it that she gleaned from skin and arms.
"Just a call." She whispered, "Oh gods, please. Just a call. Why won't you call me?"
The phone did not ring.
She licked her lips, held the fabric, scarcely daring to let go of it and knowing she had to before she was caught. Before she'd have to give some explaination for her less than logical actions that had nothing to do with the truth... not that lying was foreign to her, and not that she doubted she could think something up.
Finally, she released it. Stood again, sat again, stared at the empty computer screen. A heartbeat of silence passed before she looked to her internet box, at the two lights out of three and one blinking that would tell her how her internet was working. As the blinking one, and another light were completely out, it was clear that her internet wasn't working at all, and wasn't likely to work within the next ten hours or so.
She frowned, but accepted the distraction. Leaning forward, she pulled one of the cords, watching all of the lights go out entirely. She closed her eyes, counted to sixty, plugged it back in.
Two lights, the same two as before, lit up.
Another frown. She set the box down, turned off the computer, and then unplugged it all. She sat back, cleared her mind, prayed to some deity of inconcequential worth, and then plugged it back in.
Two lights lit, one flickered. She stared at the box, barely realizing that her hands were in fists, waiting. Suddenly, the fourth light lit. Went out. Lit, blinked slowly. She licked her lips, waiting, hoping. If her internet would just work, she could distract herself. If it would just work, she could talk so someone. Explain something to herself, or to someone else. Do something. But for that, the internet had to work!
The blinking sped, and so did her heartbeat. She wanted to jump out of her skin and some how steady the blink, turn it in to one blessed glow.
It went out, and so did what was left of her hope as she simply sat, and watched as the world failed her once again.
Within Temptation - Jillian (I'd Give My Heart)
I’ve been dreaming for so long,
to find a meaning to understand.
The secret of life,
why am I here to try again?
Will I always, will you always
see the truth when it stares you in the face?
Will I ever, will I never free myself
Breaking these chains?
Give my heart, Give my soul.
I’d turn it back, it’s my fault.
Your destiny is forlorn,
have to live till it’s undone.
Give my heart, Give my soul.
I’d turn it back and then at last I’ll be on my way.
I’ve been living for so long,
many seasons have passed me by.
I’ve seen kingdoms through ages
rise and fall, I’ve seen it all.
Seen the horror, Seen the wonders
happening just in front of my eyes.
Will I ever, will I never free myself
by making it right?
Give my heart, Give my soul.
I’d turn it back, it’s my fault.
Your destiny is forlorn,
Have to live till it’s undone.
I’d give my heart, Give my soul.
I’ll turn it back and at last I’ll be on my way.
Jillian
Our dream ended long ago.
All our stories and all our glory I held so dear.
We won’t be together
for ever and ever, no more tears.
I’ll always be here
Til the end.
Give my heart, Give my soul.
I’d turn it back, it’s my fault.
Your destiny is forlorn,
have to live till it’s undone.
Give my heart, Give my soul.
I’ll turn it back and then at last I’ll be on my way.
Stand My Ground
I can see
When you stay low nothing happens
But does it feel right?
Late at night
Things I thought I put behind me
All my life.
I just know there's no escape, now
Once it's set it's eyes on you
But I won't help have to stare it in the eye.
Stand my ground, I won't give in
The moment I do
I gotta face it
So close my eyes
And hide the truth inside.
If I don't make it
Someone else will.
Stand my ground.
It's all around
Getting stronger
Coming closer
In to our world
It's over now
Guess it's time for me to face it
Can I take it?
Though this just might be the ending
Of the life I held so dear
I won't hope there's no turning back from here
Stand my ground
I won't give in
The moment I do
I gotta face it
So Close my eyes and hide the truth inside
If I don't make it
Someone else will
Stand my ground.
All I know for sure
Is I'm tryin'
And I will always stand
My ground
Stand my ground I won't give in
(I won't give in)
I won't give up
(I won't give up)
The moment I do
I gotta face it
So close my eyes
And hide the truth inside
If I don't make it
Someone else will
Stand my ground
I won't give in
The moment I do
I gotta face it
So close my eyes
And hide the truth inside
If I don't make it
Someone else will
Stand my ground
--Within Temptation
No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes.
And no one knows what it's like
To be hated
To be fated
To telling only lies.
But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my concience seems
To be.
I have hours
Only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free.
No one knows what it's like
To feel these feelings
Like I do
And I blame you
No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain will
Can show through
But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my concience seems
To be.
I have hours
Only lonely.
My love is vengeance
That's never free.
No one knows what it's like
To be mistreated
To be defeated
Behind blue eyes.
And no one knows how to say
That they're sorry
And "Don't worry
I'm not tellin lies."
But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my concience seems
To be.
I have hours
Only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free.
No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes...
Mrs. Ruuamau rocks.