YESHUFARI MESSENJAH

THIS IS MY STORY....

This is the story of who I am, the truth behind why my Myspace profile is as it is. The writing here may be somewhat abstract in it's formation, and somewhat flipant in it's arrangement, but hopefully if it is, it will be equally touching in it's essense, and passionate in it's meaning. I have shared this information with only a handful of people so far, but it is God's destiny for me, that I share it now with the world. If I can give hope to just one person in troubles waters, then I have made a difference. I do not reveal this information for myself, but for God. But I can also safely assume it is part of my healing (which I will explain about below).

Let me introduce myself. My name is Shane O'Sullivan. I was born in Chelmsford, Essex, UK, on 25th December, 1973, Christmas Day. My life was very normal for the first 13 and a bit years. Then on The 17th April, 1987, Good Friday, my life dramatically changed. Aged 13, I lost my father in a car accident, which was the fault of another driver. From then on my life went downhill, and I went off the rails. From about the age of 15 I became involved in drugs, not just marijuana, but also Acid (L.S.D), and occasionally amphetamines (Speed), and also got into petty crime. I can say with no shame, that all off my adult life I have been a troubled individual, with a lot of pain in my heart, a hole, with something missing, because of losing my dad, and which inevitably effected my ability to cope with life properly. I lost a part of myself when I lost my dad, and I believe it also effected my ability to love properly, to love with my whole heart. This all started to change in 2003, and came to a dramatic change in 2005.

I had been searching for that missing thing for a few years, which turned to a search for God. I explored many religions and faiths, but always seemed to come full circle, back to Christianity. I had had dreadlocks before all this, and had listened to reggae since I was about 11 years old (because of an older sisters boyfriend who liked reggae), so I had for a long time considered myself somewhat of a Rasta, but in truth I was a false Rasta most likely. But in 2003 I noticed my search always led back to one place, to Jesus Christ. It was a difficult choice to make, but eventually, and with lots of consideration, in that year (2003) I finally decided to submit to Jesus, and to deny myself the sway of any other religion or faith which was not in union with Christianity. This was the first stage of my healing from a broken heart (which was caused because of losing my dad at such a young age). It wasn't always easy, and I wasnot , and still am not, the perfect model for a Christian, but I am still in metomorphosis, and there is plenty of time. What grew from this was a strong and well grounded faith in Jesus.

Things were ok through 2003, 2004, and then in 2005 (May-Aug), I went through a very rocky patch with my then partner, Emily (whom is the mother of my lovely son, Dylan, see my pictures to see him). It culminated in us breaking up. We had been together for 8 1/2 years, and there was a lot of things that went on which pained me during the breakup. I was still carrying around this great pain from losing my dad, and the breakup of my relationship steeped more pain on me, so that I came to the point where I was almost at complete nervous breakdown. I had suffered with depression and panic attacks before all this, because of my pained heart most likely, and the events of my breakup almost destroyed me at that moment in time. For days I was crying in pain and torment, not knowing what to do with myself, because I knew the relationship was doomed. Reggae was a great comfort to me through this time, but the pain was still almost unbearable.

Then I found a picture on the internet of an African woman and baby (the picture to the right). I knew the relationship with Emily was over, and for some reason this picture stirred something within me, that something was to do with hope, but it was much more than that, it was love, and it was still much more than just love, for it was God's Love, Blessed Love. For 3 days, my tears of pain were turned to tears of joy. I felt a great powerful love within me, which was sent from the picture of the African Woman and baby. I somehow knew that this was God answering to my needs. He had felt the pain I had carried for so long, and He had known that I didn't deserve to go on feeling it, with the extended pain from my breakup. In short, God decided to heal me.

It was in these 3 days that I found a few of the songs which are in the African Queen Mix. Foremost of these is the first song in the mix, African Queen, by 2face Idibia. This song just added to the power of the love God released into my heart in those 3 days, and it is still a very important song to me. Other songs also played their part, but it was African Queen which spoke the loudest to my heart. Because of this experience I have become so much more deeply into reggae, not just any reggae, but uplifting reggae, which truly does have the power to heal, if God so wills it. I have a lot to thank these artists for.