GOD ULTIMATELY RESPONSIBLE FOR GLOBAL DISASTERS |
In a press conference held at the White House last Wednesday, a spokesman representing FEMA and the Department of Homeland Security stated that from now on, all misdeeds, misdemeanors, natural disaste...
Posted by Sean on Thu, 13 Jul 2006 10:47:00 PST |
PRESIDENT CRIES IN A CORNER |
President Bush's feelings were seriously upset this week when his NSA Domestic Surveillance Program intercepted hundreds of libelous emails defaming the president's character. The majority of th...
Posted by Sean on Tue, 06 Jun 2006 06:46:00 PST |
GUAM HIT BY "REVERSE TSUNAMI" |
According to the National Weather Service, the most recent deluge of sporadic storms in Guam has been officially declared a "reverse tsunami."
"It's kinda like a regular tsunami, but backw...
Posted by Sean on Mon, 29 May 2006 09:01:00 PST |
BEE AND ALLERGIC MAN KILLED IN MURDER-SUICIDE |
According to police, it was probably an ongoing relationship of an "intimate and bestial/insectoid nature" between a common honeybee and a Mr. Joe Santos of Dededo, that led to the deaths of both earl...
Posted by Sean on Fri, 19 May 2006 09:03:00 PST |
MAN SUCCESSFULLY PROGRAMS VCR |
Home Depot assistant manager Steven Tepper called a press conference yesterday to announce that he had succeeded in programming his VCR to display the correct time, instead of blinking "12:00" over an...
Posted by Sean on Fri, 12 May 2006 10:05:00 PST |
STOPPING THE ROBOTS |
America may have turned its fleeting national attention span to the weather and national broadcasting standards, but the disturbing growth in robot intelligence marches ever forward. Every day t...
Posted by Sean on Mon, 08 May 2006 10:39:00 PST |
NOTHING REMOTELY INTERESTING HAS OCCURRED |
Nothing remotely interesting or exciting has been expected to occur over the course of, yet, another four-week period. Several people affected by the sudden increase of tedium are considering th...
Posted by Sean on Thu, 13 Apr 2006 10:40:00 PST |
VILLAGE OF DEDEDO TERRORIZED BY SERIAL PILLAGER |
The Guam Police Department has announced that there is a serial pillager on the loose in the village of Dededo. Victims say the pillager "rides a horse," is "about 6'4", dirty, with a long, heav...
Posted by Sean on Mon, 27 Mar 2006 07:10:00 PST |
RICK "THE BOMB" JAMISON HELD FOR QUESTIONING |
Last week the National Terror Alert Level was raised to orange due to a security threat on a Naval facility located on Guam. According to officials, a member of the United States Navy was heard ...
Posted by Sean on Tue, 07 Mar 2006 06:59:00 PST |
PRESIDENT TO DRESS LIKE NINJA |
In an effort to support decreasing public approval ratings, White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan announced today that President Bush would be delivering an upcoming State of the Union address i...
Posted by Sean on Wed, 01 Mar 2006 09:44:00 PST |
