Javier - ProfilesArchive

About Me

AIM... "JavierFWD"My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Some times he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy, the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical, summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds, pretty standard really. At the age of 12 I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it's breathtaking, I suggest you try it.

My Interests

Right now I am fascinated by remote control cars, boats and planes. I love to grill. I like to swim. And when I unwind, I like to have a glass of wine with my wife and friends.

I'd like to meet:

Chewbaca

Music:

You can find the Killers, Keane, Radiohead, Counting Crows, Pete Yorn, Jose Gonzalez, Joshua Radin, U2 & Bob Marley playing in my iPhone.

Movies:

Batman Begins, Old School, Psycho, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Sin City "You lousy corksuckers. You have violated my farging rights. Dis somanumbatching country was founded so that the liberties of common patriotic citizens like me could not be taken away by a bunch of fargin iceholes... like yourselves. "--Johnny Dangerously

Television:

LOST, 24, Boston Legal, Meet the press, Curb your Enthusiasm, SNL, Colbert Report.

Books:

Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse, Non-fiction, computer how-to books, Pop up, cookbooks.

Heroes:

Steve Martin

My Blog

Brian Teigland "The Funny Weather Man"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9ZBrE0hDvE This is for those of you who watched, worked or knew Brian Teigland... here's one of his best moments. I miss the guy already....
Posted by Javier on Wed, 30 Jul 2008 10:01:00 PST

Cubans are allowed to own cell phones

The Cuban government is taking a giant leap forward this year by allowing its citizens to own a microwave and a cell phone. Never mind the fact that the most people can't afford it. Here are some of t...
Posted by Javier on Sat, 17 May 2008 08:15:00 PST

All Cubans hang out at Versailles Cuban Restaurant in Little Havana...

...And all Mexicans eat at Taco Bell. And did you know all black people hang out at KFC? I love how the media portrays Cubans as one-dimensional. We all came to this country in rafts, all of us have a...
Posted by Javier on Tue, 19 Feb 2008 11:52:00 PST

Remember the lost Mariachi band?

Remember the lost Mariachi band that couldn't find the beach house? A friend of mine spotted them. ...
Posted by Javier on Wed, 12 Jul 2006 02:58:00 PST

BREAKING THE LAW

The story I'm about to tell you is completely true. Monday morning, my co-worker and I were scouting locations for our next commercial shoot. We thought it would be great to video tape the city of Mem...
Posted by Javier on Tue, 11 Jul 2006 10:59:00 PST

Watch as a cop killer gets tasered in court

Unruly Defendant Tasered in Court View Video of the Unruly Defendant Tasered in Court In Kansas it took a taser to subdue a man convicted of capitol murder in the death of a sheriff's deputy. Gregory...
Posted by Javier on Wed, 05 Jul 2006 11:41:00 PST

She said "yes"

All, I have great news and I can't spread it fast enough. I'm engaged to a beautiful woman named Alsyon Ambrosek soon to be Alyson Leiva. Even after a failed attempt to make the proposal special, she ...
Posted by Javier on Sat, 01 Jul 2006 08:47:00 PST

the bling

...
Posted by Javier on Sat, 01 Jul 2006 08:34:00 PST

Man with the Iron Penis

Stella lost her grove. This guy lost his erection. Now he has a penis made of steel and there's no turning back. I need to get some sleep. Man with the Iron Penis ...
Posted by Javier on Sat, 24 Jun 2006 09:50:00 PST

Do Nice Guys Finish Last?

Thanks to Abby for pointing out this article. Youknow, I too was a nice guy once. Now I'mm just a pain in the ass. I guess it's a stage you have to outgrow... in order to get laid. Javo Are we just t...
Posted by Javier on Wed, 14 Jun 2006 10:57:00 PST