Me; Aaron

"I’m a MODERN MAN
Digital and smoke free
A man for the millennium.
Advertised, multi-cultural,
Post-modern deconstructionist;
Politically, anatomically, and ecologically incorrect.
I’ve been uplinked and downloaded,
I’ve been inputted and outsourced.
I know the upside of downsizing,
I know the downside of upgrading.
I’m a high tech low-life.
A cutting-edge, state-of-the-art,
Bi-coastal multi-tasker,
And I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond.
I’m new wave, but I’m old school;
And my inner child is outward-bound.
I’m a hot-wired, heat-seeking,
Warm-hearted cool customer;
Voice-activated and bio-degradable.
I interface with my database;
My database is in cyberspace;
So I’m interactive, I’m hyperactive,
And from time to time I’m radioactive.
Behind the eight-ball, ahead of the curve,
Ridin’ the wave, dodgin’ the bullet,
Pushin’ the envelope.
I’m on point, on task, on message,
And off drugs.
I’ve got no need for coke and speed,
I’ve got no urge to binge and purge.
I’m in the moment, on the edge,
Over the top, but under the radar.
A high-concept, low-profile,
Medium-range ballistic missionary.
A street-wise smart bomb.
A top-gun bottom-feeder.
I wear power ties, I tell power lies,
I take power naps, I run victory laps.
I’m a totally ongoing, big foot, slamdunk
Rainmaker with a pro-active outreach.
A raging workaholic, a working rageaholic;
Out of rehab and in denial.
I’ve got a personal trainer,
A personal shopper,
A personal assistant,
And a personal agenda.
‘Cause I’m tireless, and I’m wireless.
I’m an alpha-male on beta-blockers.
I’m a non-believer,
I’m an over-achiever;
Laid-back and fashion-forward.
Up-front, down home;
Low-rent, high-maintenance.
I’m super-sized, long-lasting,
High-definition, fast-acting,
Over-ready and built to last.
A hands-on, foot-loose, knee-jerk head-case;
Prematurely post-traumatic,
And I have a love-child that sends me hate-mail.
But I’m feeling, I’m caring,
I’m healing, I’m sharing.
A supportive, bonding, nurturing
Primary-care giver.
My out put is down, but my income is up.
I take a short position on the long bond,
And my revenue stream has its own cash flow.
I read junk mail, I eat junk food,
I buy junk bonds, and I watch trash sports.
I’m gender-specific, capital-intensive,
User-friendly and lactose-intolerant.
I like rough-sex; I like tough love.
I use the f-word in my e-mail.
And the software on my hard-drive
Is hard core—no soft porn.
I bought a microwave at a mini-mall;
I bought a mini-van at a mega-store.
I eat fast food in the slow lane.
I’m toll-free, bite-size, ready-to-wear,
And I come in all sizes.
A fully equipped, factory-authorized,
Hospital-tested, clinically-proven,
Scientifically formulated medical miracle.
I’ve been pre-washed, pre-cooked, pre-heated,
Pre-screened, pre-approved, pre-packaged,
Post-dated, freeze-dried, double-wrapped
And vacuum-packed.
And…I have unlimited broadband capacity.
I’m a rude dude, but I’m the real deal.
Lean and mean.
Cocked, locked, and ready to rock;
Rough, tough and hard to bluff.
I take it slow, I go with the flow;
I ride with the tide, I’ve got glide in my stride.
Drivin’ and movin’, sailin’ and spinnin’;
Jivin’ and groovin’, wailin’ and winnin’.
I don’t snooze, so I don’t lose.
I keep the pedal to the metal,
And the rubber to the road.
I party hearty, and lunchtime is crunch time.
But I’m hangin’ in, there ain’t no doubt;
And I’m hanging tough,
Over and out."