The Salty General

Born to wreck shit in 1978 in the city where Jim Brown showcased his ability to run through and over anyone that stood in his path. At age 7 I taught my cousin Dan to take a shit and bury it in the woods using leaves to wipe his ass. Nintendo had just released the power glove and I cracked my head open what would be one of the first of many more times to come. (Other head cracks include when I tried to ride our dog Sabbath like a horse and she flung me off her back, head first into the television, jumping off my bed, smashing my head into the corner of a wall while wrestling with cousin Dan in the apartment, smashing my handlebars into my face, and breaking glass bottles in the woods until a piece flew and lodged in my head.) Witnessed Tom Roosen spit a bloody hocker on Jill Peters sweater during recess and he owned a Hutch Trick Star bike! E.T. was the first movie I had seen in a theatre. First rap tape was Uncle L. Bo Jackson was my favorite athlete. Got my first pair of Nike Air Jordans in the 7th Grade. Favorite 8 bit game was Contra, up up down down left right left right b a select start bitch! Rolled with the Canterbury boys on our ill BMX bikes on the Baluks bike trails, where I smoked my first cigarette and looked at porn that kids picked out of Baluk's dumpsters. Mello had the Robinson, DaveG rocked the Redline, Tommy P had the Dyno and myself, the Haro. Always ducking the red head Johnny C. Got denied by the Video Shoppe while trying to rent "White Men Can't Jump", the rental lady said it was too racy and called Mello's mom for approval. Made classic home movies with Jalovec, only to have our childhood memories taped over by his father. Rocked the Barcelona 9 Jordan jersey when they were the Dream Team. Stole TP out of the church bathroom to wrap around the trees on the lawn of the next person to F with me. Kicked it with Matonis and his band of vandalizing thieves. Watched Danny C get burnt trying to jump over the bonfire. Caught hundreds of frogs, snakes, turtles, insects, and other amphibians in the Metros and anywhere else Matt Higgins and I saw a body of water. Wrote my first rhymes in the 7th grade about Dan Basta being husky, it was to the beat of Ice Cubes, "Today Was A Good Day". Always had a temper that was hard to control. Shaved my head for most of HS along with Jesse Luck, Zigs, and Jazz. Slept over Matonis' basement after partying all night only to be charged for bags of chips and cans of soda. Accompanied Omar Mabrouk as he tortured anyone verbally crossing his path. I Have been in 36 Chambers studio in Manhattan, home of the Wu Tang Clan. In 2001 while in Ft Lauderdale I was eating at Souper Salad with my partner Jeff Nunney. We noticed a man choking, so I ran over and gave him the hymlic manuever and saved his life. Then the man sat down asked me my name and offered to pay for my dinner. I refused the offer because thats how heroes roll. Smoked hemp with Shawn Kemp who used to be Reignman in Seattle. Got my big toe shattered and broken by my friend Andrew while trying to kick my HeMan guy Manny Arms out of the way of his swinging hammer at my garage sale. Favorite teachers, Mr. John Holland and Mr. Bill Immler. Which brings us to today, where I enjoy kicking it with friends, making music, playing video games, and taking things apart and putting them back togther. I love Cleveland sports and snowboarding, which I haven't done in a while since I live in the gulf of Mexico. Transformers were and still are the shit. If you don't know who Voltron is then I don't wanna know you. 1UP player