WHAT WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO KNOW?
OK,LISTEN,
WHAT'S GREEN AND SINGS?
FRANK SNOTRA.
WHAT DO YOU CALL A CROSS BETWEEN A SHEEP AND A KANGAROO?
A WOOLY JUMPER.
GREAT ORIGINAL JOKES AY FOLKS??
it
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ALL THAT IS INTERESTING--MOLUSCS TO MOUNTAINS. ANYTHING THAT CHALLENGES THE MIND. ANYTHING THAT MAKES A PERSON THINK. THE UNKNOWN. THE FORBIDDEN. THE TABOO. THE RESTRICTED. UNCHARTERED WATERS. OUTER SPACE. INNER SPACE. CRAWL SPACE. MYSPACE. NEW FACE. NEW PLACE. OLD PLACE. ARSENIC AND OLD LACE. SITTING ON MY FACE. YOUR PLACE. MY PLACE. GOOD SPACE.DIS-GRACE.DAT-GRACE-NEW YORK WASTE.GOOD TASTE.GOOD BAD TASTE.NOT GOING TO WASTE.SUSHI TO TASTE.AQUIRED TASTES.SLIM WAISTS.DE-GEN-ER-ATES.LADIES PRI-VATES. A COOL PLACE. A WARM PLACE. A STRANGE PLACE. FAMILIAR PLACE. YOUR FACE.
MOTORHEADS EX MANAGER; DOUG SMITH AND HIS WIFE EVE CARR WHO LIVE SOMEWHERE IN LONDON OR SPAIN.I'D LIKE TO MEET THEM FACE TO FACE AND ASK THEM WHY DID THEY STEAL ALL MOTORHEADS(OUR)MONEY?AND WHAT DID THEY DO WITH IT? THEN I'D ASK FOR IT BACK. IF THEY REFUSE I WOULD ENJOY $$^&*%"?{}|}+_+_)) THEIR TEETH IN ONE AT A TIME............................................FOR STARTERS. IF YOU EVER COME ACROSS EITHER DOUG SMITH OR EVE CARR, HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM. THEY ARE THEIVES AND LIARS OF THE LOWEST POSSIBLE KIND. THEY WILL PRETEND THEY HAVE YOUR BEST INTERESTS AT HEART,TO BE YOUR FRIENDS, THEN FUCK YOU OVER BIG TIME. I CURSE YOU TO BURN IN YOUR OWN HELL THE BOTH OF YOU. TO DOUG SMITH; I HOPE YOUR NEXT HARD ON BREAKS. TO EVE CARR; I HOPE YOUR CUNT HEALS UP. I CURSE YOU FOREVER AND A DAY. IF EVER YOU SEE ME BEFORE I SEE YOU,..................,YOU BETTER RUN ABD HIDE,BECAUSE I WILL NOT BE RESPONSIBLE FOR MY ACTIONS. IF ANYONE KNOWS OF THEIR WHEREABOUTS PLEASE CONTACT ME THROUGH THIS SPACE. ALSO THE SANE GOES FOR GERRY BRON (BRONZE RECORDS)WHO IS ANOTHER THEIVING,LYING BASTARD. AND SO IS DAVID SIMMONS, WHO WAS PARTNERS WITH DOUG SMITH IN A PUBLISHING COMPANY.
ANYTHING THAT PLEASES MY EARS,BE IT ANYTHING AT ALL.IT'S ONLY JOURNALISTS AND THE "SUITS" THAT HAVE THIS NEED TO PIGEON-HOLE EVERYTHING IN ORDER TO DESCRIBE OR SELL IT. BONZO DOG DOO-DAH BAND. HENDRIX. ACKER BILK. PURE SEEPAGE. FREE. BOB MARLEY. RUSS CONWAY. BIG KEN AND THE ANUS. GLEN MILLER ORCHESTRA. GENE KRUPA. TINY TIM. RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE. VAL DOONICAN(THIS PULLOVER, wow, what a song)! JONNY VAS DEFERENS. WISHBONE ASH. THE SMALL FAECES. ROD STEWART(EARLY) FRANK IFIELD. THE PISS FLAPS. SNOTMIFAULT. ANITA BAKER. "ARMS" ZIRCONIAN AND THE PHONIES. PULL DRAWERS DOWN. DIANA ROSS. PATTI La BELLE. IGGY POOP. BROWN & SMELLY. CHAKA KHAN.(WWHHOORRRGGHH!!)(and her music). STEVE SPHINCTRE HIS TENSE MUSCLES. L'IL BOW WOW AND JIMMY DOG BOY. SNOOP. THE BEARDED LADIES. THE POLICE. STING. LIPSTICK FOR FISH. ALICE IN CHAINS. OZZY OSBORNE. LED ZEP. CUTLERY FOR PIGS. NAPKINS FOR WHALES. TOOTS AND THE MAYTALS. CURTIS MAYFIELD. TOP HAT FOR ANNE ELK. ANY OLD (LATE SIXTIES, EARLY SEVENTIES)TAMLA MOTOWN. PINK FLOYD. BOING CRISPY. MAMMY MAVIS AND THE JUNIORS. ETTA JAMES. MIKE JACKSON AND THE YOUNGBUCKS. JOE SATRIANI. JEFF BECK. WHITEY AND THE BLOWFISH. ERIC CLAPTON. AVERAGE WHITE BAND. JOE COCKER. BILLIE HOLLIDAY. B.B.KING. THE BEATLES. ROLLING STONES.(UP TO EXILE ON MAIN St). THE TUBES. LOU REED. THIN LIZZY(NEVER BE ANOTHER). SEX PISTOLS. THE CLASH. THE RAMONES. ERIC SARTE. BEETHOVEN. VIVALDI. TCHAIKOVSKY. TOM WAITS. SANTANA. AC/DC. GOO GOO DOLLS. MACY GREY. EN VOGUE. SALT N PEPPER. EURYTHMICS. CLARENCE CARTER. FRANK ZAPPA. KATE BUSH. MARVIN GAYE. LEVEL 42. PRINCE. ELLA FITZGERALD. ARETHA FRANKLIN. THE WHO. SIMON & GARFUNKEL. BOB SEGER. BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN. WHITNEY HOUSTEN. THELMA HOUSTEN. FOUR TOPS. GARY MOORE. MICHAEL SCHENKER. TUPAC SHAKUR. NELLY. STEVIE RAY VAUGHN. ZZ TOP. STEVIE WONDER. JANIS JOPLIN. CHOPIN. WAGNER.DAVE BRUBECK.GENE KRUPA.JONNY CASH.RAM JAM BAND.THE CULT.GUNS N ROSES.SKID ROW POISON.MR (Highly Underrated Songwriter,and a great,funny guy)C.C.DeVILLE.FASTWAY.DAVE KING.ROBIN MACAULEY.THE PEDDLERS.(esp Trevor Morais).KATE BUSH.ETTA JAMES(AT LAST).THE SINGING POSTMAN.ROLF HARRIS AND HIS "DIDGERI-DOO".MEN AT WORK.PAUL YOUNG.FRANK ZAPPA.THE MOTHERS OF INVENTION.MICHAEL SCHENKER BAND.AC/DC. FRANKIE MILLER.BOB SEGAR AND THE SILVER BULLET BAND.JONNY THUNDERS.THE CLASH.ELVIS COSTELLO.ELVIS PRESLEY.THE DAMNED.CAPTAIN SENSIBLE.THE BLACK DYKE MILLS BAND.WANG CHUNG.
THERE ARE NONE.PLENTY OF SPECIAL FX.BUT NO MOVIES.
SEVEN MINUTES OF PROGRAM, FOUR MINUTES OF COMMERCIALS.YOU GOTTA BE JOKING! AMERICAN TELEVISION DRIVES ME UP THE FUCKING WALLS!EVEN THE "COMMERCIAL FREE" STATIONS HAVE COMMERCIALS--THEY ADVERTISE THEMSELVES!EVEN AFTER BEING HERE IN THE USA FOR X YEARS,I DON'T THINK I WILL EVER GET USED TO THE TV PROGRAMMING.AND REPETITIOUS,GOOD GRIEF!CHRIST ON A BIKE!i REALLY FEEL SORRY FOR ALL THE HORDES OF TALENTED YOUNG WRITERS OUT THERE WHO MUST JUST GO TO WASTE AND GIVE UP ON ACCOUNT OF THE POWERS THAT BE IN THE TELEVISION WORLD WHO JUST WANT TO ALWAYS PLAY IT SAFE.IE, STICK TO THE SAME OLD FORMULA,ONCE ONE HAS BEEN FOUND THAT DEFINATELY WORKS (THE LUCY SHOW IS A PRIME EXAMPLE OF THIS)AND THEN JUST RUN IT OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN,GET MY DRIFT?EVEN IN THE MOVIE INDUSTRY, IT'S PATHETIC, IT SEEMS (TO ME ANYWAY) THAT ALMOST ONE IN THREE MOVIES THESE DAYS IS A RE-MAKE OF SOMETHING THAT'S ALREADY BEEN DONE.AND TO MAKE THINGS WORSE, THEY DON'T EVEN ATTEMPT TO MAKE IT SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT STORY-WISE TO JUSTIFY IT.THE ONLY THING WITH RE-MAKES THESE DAYS IS--OF COURSE-- THAT THE SPECIAL FX IS THE MAJOR SELLING POINT OF MOST OF THEM(KING KONG BEING A PRIME EXAMPLE).GREED,POWER AND MORE GREED IS WHAT DRIVES THE TV,MOVIE INDUSTRY THESE DAYS.ALL THE SIT COMS ARE THE SAME.BASICALLY THE SAME PLOTS,DIFFERENT SETTINGS.SAME PLOT/SAME SETTING-BUT WITH A BLACK CAST/YOUNGER CAST/OLDER CAST.SAME OLD "JOKES".DIFFERENT VERSIONS FOR DIFFERENT ETHNICITYS.I DUNNO, MAYBE I'VE JUST BEEN AROUND TOO LONG,PAID TOO MUCH ATTENTION TO WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND ME EVEN.THERE IS JUST SO MANY TALENTED NEW WRITERS OUT THERE I'M SURE OF IT!BUT THEY WON'T GIVE THEM A CHANCE BECAUSE THEY'RE AFRAID TO TAKE ONE IN CASE IT LOSES MONEY!SO, LETS JUST FORCE FEED THEM THE SAME OLD SAME OLD,THAT WAY THEY KNOW THERE WON'T BE ANY SURPRISES, THEY KNOW WHAT'S COMING NEXT, THEY FEEL COMFORTABLE THAT WAY, THE PUBLIC.AFTER ALL,WE DON'T WANT THEM TO START HAVING TO USE THEIR BRAINS TOO MUCH DO WE.IF THEY HAVE TO ACTUALLY PAY ATTENTION TO SOMETHING BECAUSE THEY KNOW IT'S NOT GOING TO BE REPEATED EIGHT TIMES IN THE NEXT WEEK, EVERY WEEK,THEN THEY MAY JUST START TO PAY ATTENTION TO OTHER STUFF, LIKE WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON IN THE WORLD. QUITE FRANKLY, I'D RATHER WATCH PAINT DRY.
BOOKS ARE UNFORTUNATELY RAPIDLY BECOMING A THING OF THE PAST FOR THE YOUTH OF TODAY,DON'T YOU THINK?.BUT I STILL LOVE 'EM!A BOOK WILL NEVER SUFFER FROM THE EFFECTS OF A POWER OUTAGE OR A COMPUTER GLITCH.YOU WILL NEVER OPEN A BOOK TO FIND THAT ALL THE PAGES HAVE GONE BLANK OVERNIGHT, WILL YOU?AND YOU DON'T NEED BATTERIES/A POWER SUPPLY IN ORDER TO READ ONE.ALL YOU NEED IS A BRAIN.AAHH HAA, YESSSS, THEE B-R-A-I-N. WE ALL HAVE ONE.IT'S A MUSCLE,YOU KNOW.YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO MUSCLES THAT YOU DON'T USE? THEY WITHER AND DIE. STRANGE THING, OUR BRAIN.DID YOU KNOW THAT ALTHOUGH IT IS THE ULTIMATE NERVE CENTRE OF OUR VERY BEING, THE THING WHICH UNITES ALL PARTS OF OUR BODIES TO OUR CONSCIOUS.FROM THAT ANNOYING FRUSTRATING FEELING OF NOT quite BEING ABLE TO GET THAT FUCKING LITTLE BOOGER WAY UP THERE IN THE HIGH INNER CORNER OF YOUR SEPTUM (THE BIT ME AND MINE NO LONGER POSESS, BUT WE STILL FEEL IT'S GHOST)THAT ALMOST FEELS LIKE IT'S UNDER YOUR RIGHT EYEBALL EVEN.RIGHT DOWN TO THE MIND BLOWING PREMATURE BLACK DOT ACID TRIP OVERDOSE MULTI 4TH OF JULY/BONFIRE NIGHT PAIN FIREWORK DISPLAY YOU'LL-NEVAHHH- FORGET-WHEN YOU WERE ELEVEN YEARS OLD AND DURING A YOUTH CLUB SOCCER MATCH THAT FUCKING SCHOOL BULLIE WHO HATES YOU BECAUSE YOUR OLDER SISTER WONT GO OUT WITH HIM, BECAUSE YOU'RE THREE YEARS HIS JUNIOR BUT FASTER, MORE ACCURATE WHEN YOU PLAY THE FUCKIN' BASTARD BALL, HAVE SCORED ONE MORE GOAL and that goal scored by putting it where it was obvious---straight between his legs--fooling their goalie too---Y-E-SSSSSSS---GGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLL L!TURNS WITH DEMONIC HATRED AND WITH HIS STEEL TOE CAPPED PIT BOOTS NICE AND SHINY STILL KICKS, YES KICKS YOUR FUCKING LITTLE SHIN BONE INTO SPLINTERS THAT REALLY ROCK YOUR UNIVERSE ENOUGH TO PUT YOUR LEG BELOW THE KNEE POINTING IN THE WRONG DIRECTION TOE UP TOWARD YOUR GUTS WITH ALL THE FASDOODLES AND NOODLE THINGIES AND SHIT THAT SHOULD BE ON THE INSIDE NOT THE OUTSIDE ARE BARED FOR ALL ELSE TO POINT AND LAUGH AT NOT KNOWING WHAT THEY DO.THEN SPEND A WHOLE WEEK-END AT HOME ON THE SOFA WITH NO ONE BUT THE OLD HOMO FROM TWO DOORS DOWN LOOKING THROUGH YOUR WINDOW ASKING,"DO YOU WANT ME TO DO ANYTHING FOR YOU"?BECAUSE THE HOSPITAL ONLY HAS AN AMBULANCE SERVICE THAT RUNS STRICTLY MON-FRI, 08;00-18:00 hrs ONLY.NO PAIN KILLERS.PEOPLE STAYED AWAY FROM SMALL BOYS IN that much pain IN ENGLAND,1965.UP T'NORTH LIKE SEETHEE.THAT SAME BRAIN ITSELF THAT PUT YOU THROUGH ALL OF TOSE THINGS,HEARTBREAK,DROWNING YOUR KITTENS, YOU LITTLE DOG THAT WAS A PRESENT FROM HIM, OFF TO BE PUT DOWN --NO QUESTIONS BOY..DO IT!ALL THOSE THINGS OUR BRAIN PUTS US THROUGH UNTIL OUR HEARTS NO LONGER PUMP RED PISS.ALL THOSE EXPERIENCES.MEMORIES.DREAMS.HOPES.GAINS.LOSSES.BETRAYALS.BRO THERHOOD JOY.VANQUISHED ENEMIES.SLAIN COMRADES.LOST SOULS WHO REALLY DID COME BACK,FOR THEY WERE NEVER DEAD? BROUGHT BACK FROM DEATHS QUIET STRANGLEHOLD BY AN UNSEEN HAND.THE POLICEMAN WHO HAD THE GUTS TO LET A TEAR APPEAR.AND SAID SORRY SON .ALL TOSE THINGS THIS GREY SHIT THAT OUR SKULL PROTECTS THROUGHOUT OUR LIFE AS BEST IT CAN. DOES NOT EVEN REGISTER THE FEELING,NARY A WHISPER OR HINT THAT A BULLET OR A FINELY HONED MEAT CLEAVER HAS JUST DECIDED IT ALL STOPS HERE.THE BRAIN FEELS NO PAIN.IT IN AND OF ITSELF REGISTERS NO PAIN.THE BRAIN ITSELF HAS NO NERVE ENDINGS WHATSOEVER.THINK ABOUT THAT. BUT NOT FOR TOO LONG. I THINK THAT THAT IS WHY IT JUST MIGHT BE,MIGHT BE I DO SAY THAT IT COULD ACTUALLY BE POSSIBLE TO WAKE UP DEAD ONE DAY. HEH HEH, BUT ONLY FOR A SECOND OR TWO.CAN YA DIG YOUR MUTHAH FUCKIN BRAIN?THE ULTIMATE COMPLETE AND UTTER BASTARD OF THE WHOLE FUCKING UNIVERSE---BAR NONE.WHAT ELSE COULD TOP THAT FOR AN UNFEELING SON-OF A-FUCKING-WHORE-BASTARD-TRAITOR-CUNT-SHIT-EATER.HUH?....WELL ....WELL?
I ALWAYS EAT SUBWAYS SANDWICHES.