Michael

This profile was edited with Thomas' myspace editor™ V2.5 I'm like the Wyatt Earp of rubber band slinging. I'm not kidding, I kill flies in mid air. I like to delve into the darker, artistic, and intellectual sides of life, but I also know when to poor a stiff ass half-and-half and cut loose, or is that called coping? I can do all of that, and chew bubble gum, and walk at the same time.I can't spell, and become perterbed with people who think proficient spelling is going to matter in, oh, 6 billion years when our sun explodes itself. Ladies, I have a six inch tongue and can breath through my ears. sigh. I have yet to figure out a good use for this debilitating resperatory mutation.aarg. just aarg matey! I use black people hair products.I wasn't potty trained till I was four. My dad is a mission-controls astro-physicist who gets called when Houston has THAT problem, yet somehow I didn't pass high school math. Daddy still hearts me though. Allah hearts me too. Contrary to the popular belief that Bijou Phillips was responsible for it, my brother, David, actually started the Uggs craze. Davey is my best friend, even though he often runs through the forest like a Native American wearing girl boots.I once worked on a television commercial in which the song lyrics spoke of a girl getting male ejaculate deposited in her anus. Nobody in America noticed this when it aired nationally. hmm... what does it all mean!? I believe the word "you" should be spelled "yew". Not because I'm trying to be cutesey, but because I can hear the FUCKING "W" sound at the end.In mario kart, I send three heat-seeking red shells orbiting around you like a planetary system of death. That means you, Kuppa Troupa. I often confuse people about my sexual orientation by taking 15 second pulls off Jack Daniels bottles like a man, and then drinking a dainty cup of "Decaff-iced-carmel-machiatto-with-two-shots-of-hazel-nut" with my pinky finger outstretched. I love Jessica Alba, I want to lick her and squeeze her so tight that her head pops off and goo comes out. Actually, head-attached, goo-less sex with her would fine.I hate those times when some asshole driver almost hits your car, and then you see his previous fender damage in the exact area of the car he almost hit you with,.. again. I have this pretentious gay friend... He thinks he is so badass that instead of sleeping on a mattress, he levitates over hardwood floor on what he terms a "redish-blue myst cloud that is and of sleep". I tell him that reddish-blue is really just purple... to no avail. Viagra makes me soft.I believe the toilet is the last honest place in contemporary american politics and that James Cameron is in fact the king of the world. Doughnuts are ungodly inventions if you think about it. Doughnuts make me eat them once per week but I hate the experience.I wholeheartedly believe in a woman's right to chose and I think abortion is a freedom which men should not be allowed any jurisdiction over the laws.I wish somebody would teach me how to cook. My jokes are only funny about half the time. OH, but I can cook scrambled eggs better than any mother fucker on a chicken ranch, or an Ostrich ranch too. Those eggs are big and I did fine with them because I have the well doveloped scrambling wrist motion. I have a severe addiction to Chinese food and am not seeking help for my problem. Ever.