no one dies a virgin. life would always screw you.i have been stagnant. and in stagnancy i had the chance to assume appreciation of life's euphemistic literature- pain, struggle, laughter, hope, fears. i wonder if men bled in dreams or if the wound would be nothing worse than the hole, surprising and strange, but not too terrible to touch. i always question what sense there is in saving everything up for some special occasion that might not never come. i am ruled by impulse. underneath it all, i am just an animal who decides to stand up. my instinct is stronger than my reason. thank god for laws, because i understand punishment, or the threat of it. i am terrified by fire, but not the idea of fire. i wish i knew how to poi. i will give my everything to that person who could give me a time machine. by going back to the place it all started, i could begin again and change the past. i thought everything could be turned upside down and still look exactly the same. i want to understand how solid things could be made insubstantial. sometimes, things happen to me even if i know I'm not stupid. i met a person who understands what people see when they close their eyes. too bad, i let him go. i feel tears at the back of my eyes. i know why, i just don't want to admit it. i am surprised with what i can live with. even more surprised with what i can't live without. i learned that i should take myself with me, no matter how far i run. i wonder how many lives i could have. if the joys of one eased the sorrows of another, or if grief piled on grief until i wish to be cut free. i know i have more luck than talent, skill without vision. i seek truth in my own fashion. i have an odd way of putting things. when i start to sleep, i feel myself being swept away. love always make me see things i am trying to forget. i want to know how good it feels just to drift, to stop fighting. my worst crimes had come from trying to be too good. i wonder why truth is always this true and disappointing. * ohh drama *
