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Sledge hammering Turtles, Fucking, talking about how awesome Kevin Federline is, Harboring Weapons of Mass Destruction, Getting my ass kicked at bars, Planning the potential overthrow of current governments WITH AARON FOSTER. Hockey goons, growing a beard, watching Kramer dive head first through the carry-on baggage X-ray machine, Breaking Parking Meters, Eating Oatmeal, 80' WWF Wrestling, Lobster ball at 3 am, The purple balloon, Setting off Fireworks at Angier, Drinking at industrial park, World History, Decapitating people with an Axe, going on MSN gaming zone with Dan and telling opposing backgammon players about how we are Plumbers and droning on with chronicles about clogged toilets overflowing with diarrhea and anecdotes of exploding septic tanks at nursing homes, marauding Prague with McCarty and Wasner, massholes,toilet seats, grabbing midgets and giving them Piledrivers on a cement floor, Going to party at wakes with Kramer, Mackenzie,& melissa, playing love songs on my guitar at the beach in the moonlight, Pelicans.
I would enjoy meeting a completely self-absorbed, and superficial, high-maintenance, uncultured, demanding, insensitive, unrefined, uneducated, overly dramatic, unattractive, emotionally constipated, duplicitous, non-empathetic, untrustworthy, spurious, mentally draining, impolite, crass, undependable, vapid, irrational, inappropriate, unpleasant, hollow, unmotivated, unscrupulous, sociopathic , insincere, disingenuous, egocentric, irritating, obtuse, degrading, thickheaded, arrogant, dishonest, witless, fallacious, unimaginative, illogical, unreasonable, materialistic, delusive, woman to share a life of unparalleled and unfathomable misery in a relationship doomed to unalterable wretched failure that will ultimately subject me to a interminable cycle of horrendous and merciless public ridicule. Additionally, I would enjoy meeting non goal oriented people who have nothing better to do than engage in pointless useless nonsense conversations that have no directive and are completely purposeless. Ohh and.....Tuba Players, The real killers of Nicole Brown Simpson, The guy on Myspace who did the general Zod profile, YODA, Nathan Thurm, Malvert, Fred Asparagus from Night Patrol, The body cavity search guy, people from the pepto bismol ads, The guy we used to call at 4 am and insist he was a cab driver, The owners of Young Yee restaurant in Cambridge, The guy who threatened to pick up me and Eli in his "Cadillac" and take us to the "funny farm", Michael Richards, CHUCK BARRIS, women interested in having sex with me, people with Ant Farms,Doug and Doug, LYMAN VUNK, Prestopopnick and Dr. Mole.
Stevie Ray Vaughn,Iron Maiden, Ray Charles, Frank Sinatra, 70's porn music, the sounds of human heads being repeatedly smashed with a Meat Tenderizer, Listening to Feliz Navidad with Kramer while being engulfed in a sea of flames and being incinerated beyond recognition in a ford mustang, Mrs. Prager singing opera during lunch in 4th grade, the theme to the Match game (played at least 35 times in a row), Guns n' fuckin Roses
MY ALL TIME FAVORITE MOVIE IS- The guy who was on his way to get a haircut but slipped on the sidewalk and received minor brain damage and then sued the owners of the hair salon and the adjoining dry cleaner since legally they were culpable due to the fact that it was their responsibility to shovel the snow on that portion of the walkway and then took the settlement and opened a strip joint in Tallahassee Florida and shortly after that took up botany bought a Winnebago grew a handlebar mustache and was arrested after he punched a Korean cab driver in the nose when he was drunk after a birthday party for his favorite second cousin in Toledo Ohio Part 3. FATLINERS 2 THE SEARCH FOR SHEENA, The THING (remake) THE GODFATHER 1 and 2, Hostel, Malibu Express, Odessa's Tunaboat,live feed, Meet the feebles, Dead Alive, USUAL SUSPECTS, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, CHINATOWN, STAR WARS, Tempis Fugit, Leatherface Meets kitty Carriol, The prowler, any Cheech and Chong movie (Especially if Gabe and I are in our underwear at a strippers house in North Carolina and smoking pot), Airplane, Deep Red, Suspiria, take the money and run, Kentucky Fried movie ,Suck my balls part 8
I can honestly say the Gong Show was the greatest show in the history of T.V. Honarable mention to Monty Pythons flying Circus, Ken Jacobson, Fernwood Tonight, Maury Povich(paternity test shows),The Morton Downey Jr show, and of course, hours worth of coverage of local Aldermans meetings on cable access
The Manhattan Yellow pages(1998),
MIKE TYSON, CHUCK BARRIS, Bob Probert,PETER SELLERS,QT,ROY PEARSON, John Carpenter, Argento, Andy Sedaris, Vincent Van Gogh, HELEN(the midget stripper) Gary Coleman, The guy who says "tell em crusher" in one of the Encore frozen entree commercials, Richard Nixon, Mel Brooks, Monty Python, Arnold, Lou Ferrigno, KEVIN FEDERLINE, Steve Vickers, Mike McCarty when he climbs a Mayflower float during a riot, Aaron Foster, RED FROM THE TUBE BAR, Mr. Cook, anyone who starred in, Wrote, Produced, had anything to do with Hamburger The Motion Picture.