I may appear complicated but I'm really quite simple. In fact, you probably know everything you need to know about me already.
I like dogs and cats; and any guy who doesn't is suspect, in my book.
Graduation speeches, sermons, and bikinis should be brief.
A stupid idea endorsed by a committee is still a stupid idea.
You get what you settle for.
Beware of men bearing accordions.
Never buy cheap on things that come between you and the earth. i.e. shoes, mattresses, tires, etc.
When you think that people can't get any dumber, someone will come along to surprise you.
Opinions are like buttocks; everyone has them. At least you can sit on one of those.
There's always room for one more. Applies to friends, pets and dessert.
Don't cry at the beginning of the date. Cry at the end of the date like I do.
As you travel through life, be sure to bring along toilet paper.
Religion, toilets, and cell phones should all be used quietly and privately.
Committee meetings that last more than an hour and a half testify that the chair was unprepared for the meeting, or unable to control its course.
If an idea still sounds good when you're sober, it's probably a good idea.
Some people are born with all of their taste in their mouth.
No one really looks good in a sombrero.
A tired dog is a good dog.
Temperance should be practiced in moderation.
Those with the ability have the responsibility.
It's a bad election when you leave the voting booth with a sense of having done something shameful.
A lie is a lie; no matter how sincerely it's presented. A crappy present is still a crappy present, even if it's put in a beautifully wrapped package.
I haven't quite found out how to apply for a position as a trophy wife.
Here's where I work:
..
Yeah,
I'm probably lying.
