Mitch Hedberg...RIP
My manager said, "Don't use liquor as a crutch!" I can't use liquor as a crutch, because a crutch helps me walk.
I have a few cavities. I don't like to call them cavities. I like to call them "places to put stuff." Do you know where I can store a pea? Yes, I have some locations available.
i wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I bought a cake.
One time I stayed at a haunted motel. When I checked into my room, there was a sheet on the floor, and I thought it was a ghost that had passed out, so I kicked it.
I wear V-neck shirts. I can't wear a regular neck shirt, it hurts. And I especially hate turtlenecks. Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy. All day! If you wear a backpack and a turtleneck, it's like a weak midget trying to bring you down.
I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut. I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. To some skeptical friend, "Don't even act like I didn't buy a doughnut, I've got the documentation right here. Oh, wait. It's in my file at home, under 'D'".
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Avenged Sevenfold Angels and Airwaves Atreyu All American Rejects Beastie Boys Breaking Benjamin Black Label Society Bullet for My Valentine Crossfade Disturbed Egypt Central Evans Blue Fallout Boy Killswitch Engage Panic! at the Disco My Chemical Romance System of a Down ...and many, many more
nightmare before christmas the santa clause(1,2,and 3) national lampoons christmas vacation talledega nights nightmare on elm street(all of them) the leprechaun welcome to the dollhouse donnie darko gridiron gang a ANY ADAM SANDLER MOVIE
whatever is playing music videos...imf,fuse,mtv2,vh1...
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