Nunya

I am an overly opinionated, obnoxious, fat, unattractive jackass. My likes included mocking the elderly and handicapped, yelling at other peoples children and attending pro life rallies dressed as a coat hanger. I dislike religious tolerance, anyone who says "Tarjey" instead of "Target", and white people. One time, when I was little, I wet my pants at Annies book store in the Kings mall. By little, I mean 17. Sometimes I think I masturbate too much. But then I masturbate again and realize that you CAN'T masturbate too much. When I was 12 I got thrown out of a Born Again bible day camp for telling the woman who was telling us about god "I think you mean Santa Claus.". I saw my mom giving my dad a BJ when I 14. That was creepy. I like bacon probably more than I should. Sometimes at night, when it's really quiet, I like to fart as loud as I can. If I could eat one exotic animal I'd pick a koala bear. Anything that cute just has to be delicious. Plus I think all the eucalyptus leaves would make them kinda minty. I'm terrified of spiders. I once spent 5 minutes trying to run one over in the parking lot of Sam's Club. I once stuck myself in the eye with a coffee stirrer trying to drink a cup of coffee. Twice. In a row. Before I die, I want to have sex with a midget. I have man boobs. Nice ones at that. I had sex with an enormously fat woman once in college and I was too embarrassed to let my friends know so I made her climb down the fire escape the next morning. I prefer white women. Not because I think they are more attractive than other ethnicities, but because when I have sex with them I like to yell "THIS ONE'S FOR EMMITT TILL BITCH!".