I was born on a pirate ship surrounded by apples. As a child, I was the Christ. At a later age, I entered into Satan-hood, and now I exist as Æon Lucifer. When I died, I died happy, as I had already attained self-actualization, Buddhahood, Gnosis, and I founded a new, revolutionary religious philosophy after gaining cult status as a tormented but egocentric rock star. I broke the cycle of reincarnation, filled the churches with the homeless, toppled the American government by use of persuasion alone, and travelled by foot from the North Pole to the South Pole, avoiding the Equator the best I could. I held homesteads in 6 European countries, 3 U.S. states, Brazil, Madagascar, Tokyo, and I founded the first successful, permanent colony in the Antarctic. I was, all at one time, Chief Executive Officer of 9 different Fortune 500 corporations. I was elected Sultan of the southern regions of what was once known as Iraq, Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, and I had quite a romantic relationship with Audrey Hepburn. I held 4 wives, one in each quarter of the planet, producing one beautiful child from each of them, all named Alyssa Lux Ferous Siddhartha Christner. I also owned a pair of brass knuckles.
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