J. Blare profile picture

J. Blare

Elementary, my queer dachshund.

About Me

J made a beat. Then you came over and gave him rail scotch again. Then he recorded six more guitar parts for the beat, two using the wah pedal. It sounded terrible. You smacked him with the blunt end of a revolver and threatened more violence. Then he tried to mix the song, but he was too drunk. He tried compression, then the Amplitube plugin. His eyes began to fixate on random points in space. The drink had been laced with some kind of... chemical. Plus, the bass was far too loud, as usual. Overall, his mix was awful- it could have done some real material damage to somebody's high-fidelity audio system. At some point he fell off the chair. Then he pissed himself, on the floor, next to some old cut-up porno magazines. The piss slowly migrated towards the storm drain in the basement. Then you got in your car and went home. Thanks a million. 

My Interests

Music:

Member Since: 9/14/2005
Band Website: imdb.com/title/tt0107086/
Band Members: J. Blare - Grand Piano, Violin & Harmonium
Influences: Pig Destroyer, The White Stripes and the first two Mobb Deep records.
Sounds Like: Portishead, automatically. Without even trying. Every time.
Record Label: Columbia House
Type of Label: Major

My Blog

The new The Crest record is DONE???

It's getting mastered soon, so I'm told. Should be out for people to hear in a few months.Here's the straight dope (aka tracklist):CheerfulintroBattleofq...GroundupBugHeadonblockDr unkandpregnantBronx...
Posted by J. Blare on Mon, 25 Feb 2008 08:48:00 PST

Best of 2k7

I like lists but I don't have one. My favorite record from this year was Animal Collective  Strawberry Jam. That much I'm sure of.Top SHELF (OTHER):Dillinger Escape Plan  Ire WorksEl-P  I'll Slee...
Posted by J. Blare on Mon, 24 Dec 2007 09:12:00 PST

dinner theatre

30 MINUTE MONEY SYSTEMCAST Announcer [ANNOUNCER]Danny, The Host [DANNY]The Harrises, Trenton, NJ [JOHN] [KATHERINE] [JOEL]...
Posted by J. Blare on Tue, 18 Sep 2007 07:14:00 PST

Dos, Tres, Catorce

When I'm out and about, I field a lot of questions from ordinary folks on the street. Salt of the earth types. In particular, they're like, "What's up with that Metallica shit? That 'St. Anger' shi...
Posted by J. Blare on Fri, 20 Jul 2007 06:53:00 PST

THE 20 BEST RECORDS OF 2006 - definitive edition

1. Blood Brothers .. Young Machetes: If this were a spoken word album, with Johnny Whitney and Jordan Billie reciting the lyrics in monotone over an ultrasonic frequency designed to make me physicall...
Posted by J. Blare on Sun, 17 Dec 2006 01:31:00 PST

Trivia: "888"

in the spring of '06, it came to the attention of jack cracker that he had not yet written a 35 minute long verse. so he wrote one, and it was 888 bars long. hence, "888."there should be music to go...
Posted by J. Blare on Mon, 20 Nov 2006 09:31:00 PST

ON THE MICROPHONE, LYRICS THEREOF

roll to a dead stopriding on 24'si'm dripping candy painton the garage floorthe engine running hotthe windows rolled upi take a deep breathi see the door slide shuti'm the don, the boss, the kingwhen ...
Posted by J. Blare on Tue, 22 Aug 2006 10:17:00 PST

DTD, H

Come on: do the dishes, hipster.That would be the bees knees. It really would.Stop with all the Arctic Monkeys already. Do the dishes. Theyre filthy, and Im thirsty. End of story.I dont care about...
Posted by J. Blare on Fri, 09 Jun 2006 08:57:00 PST

D___ S___ is Cumming to Town

  If Donald Sutherland is in fact coming over (and by some accounts, he very well might), there are more than a few things that you can do to prepare:   -      ...
Posted by J. Blare on Fri, 31 Mar 2006 07:02:00 PST

SPECIAL BULLETIN FOR CONCERNED NEWSLETTER

There's a hyperactive convulsant sunning himself in the lobby. He won't stop grousing about how his trousers fell off of him and got washed by mistake. So did his shirt. I heard him going on about ...
Posted by J. Blare on Wed, 01 Mar 2006 08:56:00 PST