The Onikaverse profile picture

The Onikaverse

A word to the wise isn't necessary...

About Me

I am:
A morbidly obese lardoholic, trapped in a skinny person's body.
A (mid) morning person.
A protective big sister.
A great friend.
(An even greater enemy).
A dreamer with a game plan.
A full-time philosopher.
A part-time opportunist.
A paranoid agnostic.
A non-sufferer of fools.
A mild technophobe.
A less-mild germophobe.
A maniac on the dancefloor.
An unashamedly obsessive word geek.
A work in progress.
Allergic to drama (unless it's the baby mama variety).
Disappointed when there's no dessert.
Phobically afraid of (getting shat on by) pigeons.
Happiest in bed.
That fleeting whiff of cocoa butter drifting past you on the subway...

My Interests

All Forms of Pudding, Annihilation By Karaoke, Big Sistering, Brutal Honesty, Cello Practice, CLEAN, Cupcakes, Debating til Dawn, Exploring Hotel Rooms, Ethics, Gourmet Junk Food, Horizontal Stripes, Mythology, Ogling Freaks In Museums, Pushing Proverbial Envelopes, Quiche Lorraine, Retail Therapy, SCRABBLE, Sleep-a-thons, Tall Red-headed Boys With Tattoos, Staying Dry on Rainy Days, Voodoo, World Domination

I'd like to meet:

The Clean of Body but Filthy of Mind.

Music:

!!!, Bach (J.S), (The) Beatles, Bjork, Black Star, Bloc Party, Blur, Bob (Marley), (David) Bowie, (The) Charlatans, Chromeo, Coldplay, (The) Cure, Curtis (Mayfield), De La Soul, Dizzy (Gillespie), Donny (Hathaway), Dr. Dre, Dvorak, Eminem, FUNK, Genesis, (The) Gorillaz, (The) GO Team!, Hot Chip, Hot Hot Heat, Interpol, Jill (Scott), Joy Division, Kanye West, Kenna, (The) Killers, (The) Kinks, Ladytron, Linkin Park, Marvin (Gaye), Mates of State, Miles (Davis), Modest Mouse, Mos Def, Mozart, Muse, (The) Neptunes, New Order, (The) New Pornographers, Nina (Simone), Oasis, OK Go!, Outkast, (The) Pharcyde, (The) Police, (The) Polyphonic Spree, Postal Service, Pretty Girls Make Graves, Prince, Pulp, Queen, Radiohead, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, REM, Rilo Kiley, Scissor Sisters, (The) Shins, Stevie (Wonder), (The) Streets, Supergrass, Talk Talk, Terry Callier, Travis, (A)Tribe Called Quest, U2, Vintage Michael Jackson, Wagner, 70s/80s POP

Movies:

Amelie, Au Revoir Les Enfants, Batman Forever, Beetle Juice, Billy Elliot, Bourne Identity/Supremacy, Dogma, Eternal Sunshine, Fight Club, Garden State, Good Will Hunting, Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, House of Flying Daggers, (The) Incredibles, Italian Job, Kill Bill, Kung Fu Hustle, Little Miss Sunshine, Leon, Lord of The Rings Trilogy, Matrix Trilogy, Mission Impossible, Neverending story (pt 1), Nightmare Before Christmas, Ocean's Eleven and Twelve, Office Space, Pirates of the Caribbean, Pleasantville, Pulp Fiction, Royal Tenenbaums, Secretary, Shawshank Redemption, Shrek 2, Snatch, Spellbound, Spiderman, TRANSFORMERS, Whatever Happened to Baby Jane, Wizard of Oz, Word Wars

Television:

Ab Fab, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Arrested Development, A-Team, Boston Legal, CSI, Eerie Indiana, ER, Everwood, Family Guy, Fraggle Rock, Frasier, Girlfriends, Golden Girls, Grey's Anatomy, Home Movies, Law and Order, MacGyver, Malcom in the Middle, Northern Exposure, Pinky and The Brain, Roseanne, Scrubs, Sesame Street, Sex In The City, Six Feet Under, South Park, Super Nanny, That 70's Show, The Office, Thundercats, West Wing

Books:

FAVORITE AUTHORS:(Douglas) Adams, (Ray) Bradbury, (Bill) Bryson, (Augusten) Burroughs, (Hart) Crane, (Roald) Dahl, (Louis) De Bernieres, (Phillip.K.) Dick, (Ben) Elton, (Nathan) Englander, (Joseph) Heller, Homer, (John) Irving, (Stephen) King, (C.S.) Lewis, (Gabriel Garcia) Marquez, (Friedrich) Nietzsche, (Anne) Patchett, Pliny, (Terry) Pratchett, (Ayn) Rand, Saki, (Jean-Paul) Sartre, (David) Sedaris, (Dr.) Seuss, Virgil, (P.G.) Wodehouse.ONE HIT WONDERS: A Confederacy of Dunces (O'Toole), Eats Shoots and Leaves (Truss), Life of Pi (Martel), Vernon God Little (Pierre), Word Freak (Fatsis).FAVORITE POETS:(W.H.) Auden, (Emily) Dickinson, (John) Dos Passos, (T.S.) Eliot, (Robert) Frost, (Langston) Hughes, (Phillip) Larkin, (Sylvia) Plath, (Ezra) Pound, (T. Cole) Rachel, (Wallace) Stevens, (Derek) Walcott.

Heroes:

The woman who kicked the world's arse on my behalf until I could do it myself.And Oscar The Grouch.

My Blog

COMING SOON...

World Domination. Welcome to The Onikaverse.
Posted by The Onikaverse on Sun, 10 Dec 2006 12:58:00 PST

5 Star Surprise!

My 5-Star Brazilian hotel toilet won't flush properly. Shit keeps coming back to haunt me. Literally.
Posted by The Onikaverse on Thu, 30 Nov 2006 06:17:00 PST

Goodbye May.

So we've reached the outskirts of Summer City, paid the toll and are currently cruising round the turn-pike at full speed, racing towards the molten promise of good times and sun-kissed memories. ...
Posted by The Onikaverse on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Psych.

My doctor asked me if I've been hearing voices - and someone inside my head said "TELL HIM NO!"
Posted by The Onikaverse on Tue, 25 Apr 2006 09:08:00 PST

Just shoot me.

So the pre-Valentine Desperation Derby has officially begun. 3 friendster messages in the last 24 hours - all one-liner hook-up requests. Match.com wink-a-thon between a 50 yr old who looks 35 and a 3...
Posted by The Onikaverse on Tue, 07 Feb 2006 09:43:00 PST

Home truths.

Shivering in my bathroom while trimming my pubes this afternoon, I cut myself. A largish sliver of brown skin fell from the blade into the trashcan, and below it a white ellipse sat blinking fro...
Posted by The Onikaverse on Sun, 01 Jan 2006 02:30:00 PST

Kryptonite.

My home town Gets me down Gives me zits Blunts my wits Damp and fog Kills my nog Snuffs my zeal Just can't deal Tardy trains Growing pains Blocked drains Taxi lanes Dicks and Janes Fucked br...
Posted by The Onikaverse on Tue, 18 Oct 2005 09:58:00 PST

Career.

All I ever wanted was a job where I could stay on the toilet for as long as I liked.My first foray into the world of government-monitored employment was as a checkout cashier at Food Giant. At the ind...
Posted by The Onikaverse on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Goodbye April.

APRIL is the cruellest month, breeding Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing Memory and desire, stirring Dull roots with spring rain. (T.S. Eliot) In 2005 this cruellty has taken the form of te...
Posted by The Onikaverse on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Medium.

Medium.As in, no longer Small.Because instead of enough,Id been eating it all.Shirts cant cover my belly,Knicker elastic cuts deep;I would go to the gymBut I'd much rather sleep.My new thicknes...
Posted by The Onikaverse on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST