I was born to a lovely couple named Phil and Kate in Boston, Massachusetts
(which explains my preternatural attraction to the Red Sox). Before I reached a
year of age, we moved to the Baltimore area, and I have resided there ever
since. My parents went on to have two more strapping young lads, though neither
was quite as striking as their first...
In kindergarten, I constructed a book consisting of cutouts of each letter in
the alphabet using only magic markers, paste, and a kindergarten education. And
thus began my love affair with the written, cut-out, and pasted word.
In second grade, I fell madly in love with my teacher, wholly oblivious of the
twenty-year age differential. She would've gone for it, I'm still convinced, if
I'd been able to get her onto my bicycle.
In third grade, I scored 97 goals in one season in the informal soccer league
that took place after lunch. This is still a standing record, as far as I care
to know.
In middle school, I discovered for certain that girls didn't have cooties.
This knowledge has not, however, made them any less of an enigma in the long
run. In seventh grade, I got braces, which I feared would not allow me to
discover anything else about girls until I was 50.
By the time eighth grade rolled around, it was apparent to all concerned that
I was still light years away from puberty. I managed to combat this tough break
by becoming the class clown, developing a sense of humor which, in latter-day,
results in what I think is a fine wit, but also a vicious cycle of
self-deprecation that lowers my self-esteem. Such is the burden
of the eighth-grade comedian.
High school was difficult when I realized it was significantly harder to be class clown
in a class of 250. Fortunately, by sophomore year, I discovered the guitar, something I've been enamored of for 8 years running. Being somewhat
anti-social, guitar was the perfect instrument for an angst-ridden teen such as
myself. I have many fond memories of coming home from school, and "getting the Led out"
all afternoon. After four years of mixers, proms, more soccer, and much more
music, I was more than ready to graduate high school.
After flirtations with several Ivy League schools, I decided the best college
for me was Franciscan University. Mainly because I was flirting with several Ivy
League schools, but they weren't particularly flirting back. In any case, I ended up at a good school. Franciscan University was right up my alley.
I joined a little purple & gold household called Prince of Peace (if you know, you know). I spent a semester abroad in Austria, where I worked on developing a discriminating taste in fine beers and Italian women. I majored in Journalism, minored in English, and proceeded to work for two financial firms upon graduation. Go figure. Perhaps someday I'll write the next great American novel in my spare time. Or maybe I'll just write palaver about myself on a website that no one will likely read.
Well, which do you think?