I could talk forever, if you want proof, read my blogs :-) Okay, well to say the least, Life took some interesting turns lately but in spite of some overwhelming revelations and unfortunate dissapointments, I am approaching grateful for all of it, and I am about to be a mommy to a perfect little baby boy. I would say that I'm anxious or excited to meet him, but that doesn't even describe it. It's like every Christmas and birthday and anniversary rolled into one single day X 100. The anticipation could do me in! Whenever I feel nervous about having him, I imagine the first moment that they hand him to me and I get to hold him against my chest, and theres this naked little baby, all curled up, soft as can be. I wrap my arms and hands around him, hold him against me and then he looks up, figures out how to open his eyes, and after a few moments, I come into focus, and all he can see is my face, and all he can hear is my voice and he knows I'm the one who's going to take such good care of him. We are going to look at eachother and fall instantly totally in love, ahhhh, it's enough to melt anyone I think. This is the moment when I will be changed forever. I will be the best version of myself in that time, as I find out how much love I actually am capable of, and how much gratitude I really do have for such a generous God, who bestows such amazing, unexpected gifts to us. Seems that my whole life up until now has been so I can embrace this motherhood whole heartedly. I can barely wait to meet this little man of mine and hold him and kiss him and tell him how happy he has made me to be alive.
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"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.â€
