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How many people live in your residence? Oh boy. That's a good question. I'm bad with numbers. Maybe eighty.
Eighty people live in your apartment? Seems high, doesn't it? Not eighty.. how bout four. I dunno, i'm so bad at guesstimating.
Well then just take your time and count. Ok. There's me, my wife, our plants... we have some candybars.
we don't count candybars or plants. Yeah? Then.. there's just the two of us. Heh.. boy, I really overshot it with the eighty, didn't i?
Are you currently employed? Yeah, part of the time.
you work part time. How many days a week? everyday but just part of the day... from nine to five.
So... you work a full day? I wouldn't say that. There are huge chunks of time at night when i'm just asleep. Hours! Ya know? It's ridiculous.
Do you own or rent this apt.? sure... you'd have to ask one of the other seventy-nine people.
You mean your wife? Yeah
Well can I talk to her? She won't answer you.. she's a bobcat.
You've got a bobcat in there? I have a permit.
This is a permit to run a nail salon. Wrong one wrong one.. hold up
This is a permit to do street performance. Yup.. my wife's a big part of the act.
Are you a citizen of the United States? I have dual citizenship.. with the united states, and florida.
Florida is part of the United States. Don't push your politics on me pal! Allz i know is, when i turned fifty i was issued a florida passport.
Alright, this is a novelty birthday card. It says "you're over the hill, here's a passport to florida" This is not a real passport. I dunno, whenever I travel to Florida, I show it at the border and they always let me in.
A real passport wouldn't have a picture of a sexy nurse on it. This is a fake joke thing. Well it's a hellova forgery
Let's just proceed if this is going really well. How long have you lived at this address? Awe man.. there you go with the numbers again.
Just take your time. Well, what do most people say?
That's not important. I feel enourmous amount of pressure to get this right. I wanna win that car.
There's no car. How long have you lived here? Alright, when I moved in it was spring.. clinton was president.. I'd just gotten out of jail. I'd say an hour.
Let me go over this again. You're a convicted criminal living alone in an apartment with a bobcat, and you work 56 hours a week as a street performer? When you say it like that my life sounds pretty damn good.
Ya know, I've talked to plenty of people across this country, and your life is pretty damn good. You wanna get a beer? I'd love to, but, ya know, the ol' ball n' chain.
Alright, take care. Have a good one.
Bobcat: GRAAAAARWWW! Again!? We just did it!
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