Chris Cole

I'm the preconventional antidote to a postconventional world...

The Mighty Crab Cake "The air resonated with the shaking of the pan. Fresh hot grease sprayed forth from the stove with the ferocity of one thousand pigeons simultaneously taking flight from Central Park. Suddenly, one could smell the tantalizing aroma of my most favorite of crustaceans -- the crab. Crushed and stirred together with just the right amount of ground pepper, garlic salt, and chopped onions the crab cakes take form. They will not form cakes on their own, however, so one must add at least one large egg, much like the thick semen of the largest rabbit known to man. It binds the crab to the other ingredients forming the most delectable and soon to be crustiest of holiday treats. This crustiness is provided by the introduction of flame to cake, I call it -- FIRE! The once crusty crustacean has been born to a new life, one of crab cakedom. I bid you good crabbing."