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Ryan

I am here for Friends and Networking

About Me

I'm sure at some point I'll think of something interesting to say about myself.

My Interests

I try to write at least a few thousand words a week and I draw a lot, whether it's for an actual graphics design job or just because I enjoy it. For some bizarre reason, in the past few weeks I've taken to making things out of paper mache; right now I'm doing a life-size ancient Egyptian fellow, much to the chagrin of my roommate. I love cooking and am quite good at it if I do say so myself. I find sarcasm takes up a large amount of my time. I wonder if that has anything to do with being misunderstood as really rather unpleasant? What else? Hmm...Oh, I do enjoy sex quite a lot. Even better if there's another person involved.

I'd like to meet:

A talking dog. I think I could make a lot of money with a talking dog. Even if he didn't have anything interesting to say. I mean, what would a dog have to impart upon us, anyway? "Hey, I like sticking my nose in your crotch,"? Come to think of it, I bet a talking dog would be the pits; what if he never shut up? You can only hear so many "and then I pissed on the tree!" stories before you want to put a fork through your eye. You know what; nevermind about the talking dog. Screw you for bringing it up.

Music:

I have the musical interest of either a gay man or a thirteen year old girl, save my affinity for '40's music, (why don't men wear hats and suits anymore?). I like just about anything save "New Country." I know this may seem to conflict with common socially accepted norms, but I don't get much of a real charge out of music; I find it more of a background-atmospheric sort of thing. But if I could choose a theme song that would play whenever I walk into a room it would be "Stayin' Alive;" it's just a perfect song to strut to. Barry White's good, too. I'm going to stop now before I degrade into some bizarre stream-of-consciousness sort of verbal diarrhea.

Movies:


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Television:

I do watch a lot of TV; when I'm not watching it it's on in the background. I watch a lot of Food Network, Travel Channel, Sci-fi. I pretty much stick to the cable channels as I feel most of network television has degraded into something resembling a decaying road kill carcass. The rare exceptions being Heroes, House, Scrubs, The Office, My Name Is Earl and Boston Legal. I'm sure there are some other good ones out there, too, but those are the network shows I like. Far as cable, I like Monk, just about any poker tournament, and a large cross section of syndicated shows. Oh, almost forgot animated fare; Simpsons and South Park, of course, an I care for Adult Swim on Cartoon Network a great deal. Reality television can kiss the fattest part of my ass.

Books:

I'm quite fond of anything by Douglas Adams from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy fame. Orson Scott Card's a good one for science fiction, Kurt Vonnegut, John Irving, Harry Turtledove, Hunter S. Thompson, Stephen King. I'm sure there are more but it fails me at the moment.

Heroes:

Is that a joke? Heroes, huh? Hmm...nothing comes to mind. I'm sure there was someone...at some point...whom I admired, but it escapes me at the moment.

My Blog

Bring Out Your Dead

Bring Out Your Dead 3/26/08Long-time readers will no doubt be aware of my affinity for "found objects." You may recall the massive haul that Hanni and I made from out apartment dumpster last summ...
Posted by Ryan on Thu, 27 Mar 2008 07:54:00 PST

Incest and Home Repair

Incest and Home Repair 3/10/08My wife and I are buying a house this coming spring. Given our budget, we're probably not getting a top-of-the-line, ready-to-move-in model. Think the "BEFORE" picture...
Posted by Ryan on Wed, 12 Mar 2008 04:40:00 PST

Like White on Rice

Like White on Rice 2/25/08Are you or someone you know friends with a white person? Maybe you're a white person yourself and just want to know what other Caucasians like. Find out here, dear reader...
Posted by Ryan on Tue, 26 Feb 2008 09:09:00 PST

Third Time is the Smelly Charm

Third Time Is the Smelly Charm 2/19/08I have noticed in bowling, like so many things, the number 3 is key. Three is the number of games one can safely bowl without going mad. Any more than tha...
Posted by Ryan on Sun, 24 Feb 2008 03:35:00 PST

Smoke Em If You Got Em

Smoke Em If You Got Em 2/7/08Whenever I was a smoker* it used to annoy me no end when non-smokers would slap their holier-than-thou palms together at every tax hike or new regulation that came out ...
Posted by Ryan on Fri, 08 Feb 2008 06:34:00 PST

The Devil is in the Disney

The Devil is in the Disney 2/2/08Sometimes you look at the current incarnation of a company and think, "Oh, if only its creator could see it now, he'd be spinning in his grave." Wal-Mart, for ...
Posted by Ryan on Tue, 05 Feb 2008 11:12:00 PST

Governor’s Mansion: Everything Must GO!

Governor's Mansion: Everything Must GO! 1/27/08Governor Blunt has lost his lease! All merchandise priced to move! Especially those pesky emails we don't want the public to see! Missouri's Republica...
Posted by Ryan on Mon, 28 Jan 2008 07:56:00 PST

Pop Quiz

Pop Quiz Overheard in an Office1/22/08"Well, I don't have to go to my doctor for another 2 weeks at least. My doctor was in a mood last night. A funny mood; he was funny. I told him I got a new sca...
Posted by Ryan on Thu, 24 Jan 2008 11:20:00 PST

Gotcha. That Will Be $8

Gotcha. That Will Be $8 1/18/08There's an interesting book gracing the shelves of your local bookstore, ladies and gentlemen, and it covers a topic that concerns us all. Namely, the fact that busin...
Posted by Ryan on Sat, 19 Jan 2008 08:37:00 PST

A Guy Walks Into a Brothel

A Guy Walks Into a Brothel&1/10/08Good evening Mr. and Mrs. America and all the ships at sea, let's go to press! Dots and dashes and lots of flashes from city to city and coast to coast!* Here's the n...
Posted by Ryan on Sat, 12 Jan 2008 09:54:00 PST