I've always wanted to know why terrorists never have a sense of humor; As far as I know they're all a bunch of sweaty and angry people. You'd think that just one of them would put a Flavor Flav clock on their bomb so when the victims looked up to see him walking into the room they could laugh to themselves and shake their heads and get incinerated.
Deities; preferably Viking and Greek over Roman. Superheroes; preferably Marvel over DC.
I always worried that smoking marijuana would be a gateway to other drugs. It turns out that it was just a gateway to classic rock.
I'd like to preface this story by saying that I'm a complete twat. The head cheerleader at my high school, Britney Lincoln, had a crush on me. I was told by my debate teacher, Mr. Deleanardo, to ask her out. I wanted to make this dorky girl, Dana Kabinoff, jealous because she only wanted to be my friend and of course that meant I was completely in love with her. I took Britney on the most expensive date I could afford. Sushi and the movies. She had never had sushi before but ate it like a champ. The date was going well and I was pretty sure I would lose my virginity by the end of the night. I let her choose the movie since I had chosen dinner. She chose the Blair Witch Project. I'm scared of scary movies. To this day I have problems watching them without freaking out every time something scary happens. Needless to say, I ended up crying during the movie and neither Dana, nor Britney for that matter, had sex with me. Britney is now in the Army. I heard Dana is a waitress at an upscale sushi joint. Eventually, I lost my virginity.
One time my mom was watching television as a child with her family. The network she was watching showed an image of Abraham Lincoln. They told everyone watching to turn the television off. My mother's family did. The image of Abraham Lincoln stayed on the screen. Some sort of optical illusion. I want to make art that stays with you even when you leave.
I just realized that when you're leaving my bedroom the last thing you see is the top shelf of my bookcase. That's the last thing that someone is going to judge me on as they're walking out. I spent the last hour trying to figure out what should go up there. I was about to put a bunch of classic novels up there to intone that I had culture. Then I realized it was a great spot to put my dirty clothes.
When I was four, I was walking on the beach with my grandma and my sister. My grandpa hated walking on the beach so he stayed behind. While I was running around with my sister I stepped on a big chunk of glass from a broken beer bottle. My grandfather heard me scream and came running to me. He picked me up and put me in the back of his truck. He drove me home and picked me up again and put me down on the kitchen counter. He pulled the glass out and butterfly stitched the wound closed. Now I hate walking on the beach. So I can be more like him.