hi I'm *takes a deap breath* a 24 year Assistant manager at the KOA, california transplant to Utah . I love to laugh and I love to read books. I'm a Vegan but I'm not to much of a hippie. I have been described as a gutter punk with hippie ideologies. This doesn't mean I'm dirty this more describes my political views. Although i can be lazy and semi dirty. I'm very against big business and the way they are ruining our ecology. Maybe its because of my California upbringing but I'm very green friendly in every sense of the word. I try to be a good person, helping those I can, volunteering at various organizations I feel will benefit from my skill set. But i lack longevity. i have a natural wanderlust and find my self getting bored with anyone place. Although i find the people i met in my travels are with me for a lifetime. I like to stay politically active. although i have been lacking as of late. and socially conscious whether it manifests in the Aids resource information center, Vote now! or Nation organization to reform marijuana law.
I went to college at the age of 15 but did not graduate. I finished 2 and a half years of a double major but due to unforeseen mental health issues I had to return from Massachusetts to California. Its been 6 years out and i have come to the conclusion that i am worthy and capable to learn, so im trying to enable myself to do just that. So Utah for me is an effort to pay off my debts to move on to greener pastures of higher academia.
I am a recent out doors junkie. I love the world we live in and would like to explore more of it. Now that the weather is warm i can start practicing what i preach. I would love to explore the pleathora of trails and gardens that populate utah. I want to go camping in moab trail blazing in beaver. Get lost in the nutty putty caves. I now know why everyone in SLC is so thin, because with this weather and congenial atmosphere there is no excuse not to get off your duff and explore what nature has clearly bestowed upon us as a gift. Im interested in getting into rock climbing. Or trail blazing.
I am getting more spiritually aware. As a child i found my spirituality was intuitive rejoicing in everything for the sake of it. but as i grow i find the need for explanation for ritual for thought provoking study. Im not a cultist just an active thinker with more than a bit of imagination and ability to visualize what i want and the steps to get there.
Saltlake city is beggining to grow on me. Never before have i been in a town that has been so orginized. I love the deep community envolvment in all aspects of life here. People often ask me about the Mormon issue to which i gladly reply, what issue. I often times forget i am in a state populated by a religious majority because it is so unobtrusive. I have yet to have a confrontation because of my sexuality nor my ethics. I have found that it is hard to meet people here, they tend to eb weary of outsiders in social situations, so it is my hopes that my volunteerism will expedite that process.
Notes about being gay:
I find i dont match many of the steryotypes of being a gay male. Although i have body dismorphic issues as well as fears against my own sense of masculinity. I dony like to be labeled because i am then marginalized, so its stricking a balance to stand up and be counted saying im all these things yet im none of them, im just a person like anyone else who happens to be gay. Now the more practical aspects of me: I speak very quickly especially if I'm excited about something. I have allot of energy. I'm opinionated but not to the point of rudeness. I love a good discussion I tend towards the animated side sometimes bordering on wacky but I can often be found in deep mentation as well, depending on the social situation.
I have dyslexia and ADHD coupled with an Oklahoma education so please forgive any spelling errors on my part :
I find myself drawn to the following types of music: Classical, the more mathematically precise the better. Drum and bass, jungle: FOr some reason it is my natural biorythm, motown, oldies, jazz, blues, funk, indipendent hip hop:I like hiphop witha message with out dropping the N bomb or keeping swearing to a minimum, I like indi rock groups as well, basically anything with distortion. I also enjoy ambient music like the wall, or IDM.
I am an avid reader often consuming a few books a week. Anything will suffice but im partial to science fiction and fantasy. That in a nutshell is me.
on the nature of love life and the varying truth of ego loss and abnegation:
I have been thinking a lot lately about the twin purpose of being. Perhaps because I was in a relationship that for the first time felt healthy. Not to say we disnt have problems because I would be a liar. Most of my spiritual journey has been abnegation to remove my ego.
As a child I learned that being the center of attention was a powerful tool that allowed me to walk in places I never though I could. I have lived the life of so many people in my short 24 years and for that I am grateful. But at some point one must realize that this super ego, the unconscious and conscience manipulation of people and energy takes its toll. I had, for so long, felt like this 2 dimensional image of a person only an act between the main play. I in short became a caricature of my true self. I realized this a few years ago. It has been my personal journey to find the cause and root it out at all costs.
Although its hard to admit I am human like everyone else, with faults desires and ambitions. But I have found myself after so long of hiding. I had to strip down the core of my being to find the lies and self denial that I wrapped around myself for protection. I realized my anger my manic cheerfulness and other extreme emotions was being caused by myself and my lifestyle. I turned inward for the first time listing for once in silence to the answers that had been there all along.
Its interesting continuing this journey while is was in a relationship because I had to at once look inside and at the same time rationalize those tendencies toward the outside world. I find myself failing at times and improving at others. It is all too easy to become selfish, so immersed in the inner journey that I neglect the outter world. I have become a listener, trying to suss out the cosmic message against the noise of life. I listen all the time to the unique rhythms of nature and life and the connection that links all men together. But I can be obtuse I can be gnomic and at times mantic.
I feel at times I can be to much for people because I see the solution and I take steps to get there rather quickly forgetting that in life it is the journey not the end goal that is most important. I have had to come to terms with this recently. It is not fair in relationships to not observe those steps because it appears as if I am not living in the moment enjoy life for what it is. I guess it breaks down to finding truth but knowing that it is variant like all things in life. My truth is not your truth and visa versa. But it is understanding your truth that can lead to the deeper levels of mentation about life. The ultimate truth is everyone’s truth equally realized thought about and inserted into our own view.
I have given up much but I have also gained much. And in this abnegation this loss of self and materials I have found what really matters. Those intangible midnight walks, the conversations that last a life time and can never be sold. Its the smile of an old woman to a newborn baby. The steady rhythm of the wan and waxing moon, so constant like a protector. Its the deep understanding of conversation, the new possibilities of everyday. These are the things that sustain me when all else is lost. Love of life and people and situations which helps us understand out selves and by doing so each other that much better
How to make a phil!
Ingredients:
1 part success
3 parts ambition
5 parts energy
Method:
Stir together in a glass tumbler with a salted rim. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of sadness
Username:
Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com
I took a test at http://humanforsale.com
You are worth exactly $1,888,764.00
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